“I Hate it Here” – Change Your Perspective and Love Where You Live – Or Get Out!
Do you find the place that you live in boring and uninspiring?
Do you wish you lived somewhere else?
Do you constantly dream of other locations?
When you go on holiday, do you dread coming back home?
A month ago, Lee and I were visiting family in his hometown – a small working class Lancashire town in the North of England. I personally love it there. The surrounding countryside is lovely, cheap pubs are plentiful, there are many excellent museums and historical sites within a short train ride in any direction and the town is just the right size that so that I can walk to everything I need.
However, I have had this very same conversation with many locals:
Them: That accent’s not from around here is it?
Me: No, I’m from Canada.
Them: What do you think of it here?
Me: I love it here.
Them: *Astonishment and disbelief* Really?
They will then go ahead and tell me why I must be crazy, because Canada must be so much better than this part of the world – this horrible and bleak stain on the map that I have found myself in.
I’ve already outlined the reasons why I love it in Accrington in another post, but I think the point is more to do with perception. You see, I believe that I would have a good chance of enjoying myself whether I lived in Canada, or in New Zealand or Australia, Cambodia, Iceland, Sri Lanka, or Malaysia. It’s not this location that’s “terrible”, it’s the attitude of the people who are negative about it.
Attitude is Everything
Lee and I were in Banff, Alberta during our Cross Canada Road Trip. This absolutely picture-postcard perfect mountain town is so pretty it’s almost hard to believe it’s real. It’s nestled within the world famous Rocky Mountains, a crystal clear mountain stream runs through it and it offers world class skiing, hiking, canoeing and an international backpacker party scene. Deer and elk wander down the street in the middle of the day. Who wouldn’t love it here?
However, we still managed to have an exchange with a negative local who complained to us that Banff was “boring” and “too cold” and he couldn’t wait to get out. We were shocked that someone could be bitter about living somewhere that people travel from all over the world to visit – but the truth is that it’s all about attitude.
If you have a negative attitude about the place you live, you will not enjoy living there no matter how amazing it is. Never underestimate the power of negativity to find a downside to the most awesome things in the world!
With a negative attitude you could live on a beach in Thailand and complain about the sand that gets tracked in on your floor, or live in the most fascinating cultural district of New York or Berlin and whine about the street noise at night.
The truth is that no matter where you live, the location offers pros and cons. Of course, I’m not talking about people who are living in war torn communities in the developing world, as they actually have legitimate reasons to be unhappy where they are. I’m talking to those who live in nice town and cities in the developed world and constantly complain about their surroundings – without making any effort to change their attitude or move.
Change Your Outlook, or Get Out?
Don’t be one of those people who constantly complains about something, yet doesn’t do a thing to change it. Ok, so you don’t like where you are currently living? You have two options.
Option #1: Change your perspective and discover the positives of where you live.
Option #2: Move.
If you can learn to appreciate the beauty of where you are, you will be happy wherever you live. If you really desire to live somewhere else… then why not get out?
Option #2 Won’t Work for Those Who Can’t Master Option #1
If you can’t learn to appreciate the place that you live in, moving location will only be a temporary fix until the novelty of your new place starts to wear off. For example, you might be a Brit who always complains about the rain, the government, the economy, etc. So you decide to move to Spain and enjoy a better life for yourself.
At first, it’s brilliant! You drink wine, eat tapas and get a tan. Everyone back home is jealous. However, after a while things in Spain start to get on your nerves. Every simple thing takes forever, everyone is so loud and emotional, the bars are all filled with smoke and you can never get anything done in the afternoon because of the bloody Siesta.
Soon enough, you are miserable again in your new paradise and pining for home. Has Spain changed? Nope – it’s all you.
Stop making your happiness conditional on where you are – because there will always be something annoying and irritating about wherever you are. Instead, learn how to make the most of wherever you are, so that you will enjoy living there. That way, you will never have to move away from somewhere to “escape”, you will simply relocate because you are craving a different (not necessarily better) experience.
How to Love Where You Live – Treat it Like a Travel Destination
Do you know why you love the destinations you visit on holiday more than you love your home town? It’s because of the way you experience them.
When you are visiting somewhere as a tourist, you experience all of the best aspects of that destination and very little of the bad. You stay in a nice hotel, splurge on a meal in a restaurant, go sightseeing in the prettiest part of the city and visit the best attractions. You spend a little more than usual and you treat yourself to nice things. Of course you are going to love it there!
What if you viewed your “boring” hometown in the same way? Give a try someday. Pretend you are a tourist to your region and go a Google search for the fun things to do in your area. Take your camera with you, snap photos of your town’s nicest buildings, sit in the prettiest park and have a picnic, eat at a new restaurant, visit your local museum or go for a hike along a local trail. Imagine you are seeing this place for the first time and see the beauty that is there.
Pretend you are researching your location in order to write a book or an article about it. What is the history of the town? What famous people lived there? What did that Victorian building in the main square used to be when it was first built? What are the significant events that shaped your town and gave it it’s identity. The more layers of history you uncover about a place, the more interesting it becomes.
Also, think about what people different than you might see in the place. Perhaps you find your small rural town boring because there is nothing to do, but if you were a parent with a young family you would appreciate the safe streets and friendly community. Again, it’s all about perspective.
You’re Not a Tree! Uproot Yourself and Try Somewhere Else
“Okay, so I’ve done all of the above and now I appreciate the unique beauty of my location and what it has to offer. However… I’ve lived here a long time and this place just doesn’t fulfil me any more. What should I do now?”
This is where Option #2 comes in – moving somewhere new. If you are craving a change of scenery, there is nothing wrong with going somewhere else. Perhaps you can go work abroad somewhere else for a year? Maybe you can move from the big city to the countryside or vice versa? Maybe you want to pack your bags and go backpacking for a while? Go for it!
Of course, it is important to remember that your new destination will be flawed as well, so remember that you are not running away from a terrible place to somewhere better – you are simply seeking somewhere that suits your interests at this stage in your life.
Do you love where you live? Have you ever acted like a “tourist in your own hometown”? Do you crave a life somewhere different? Share your thoughts in the comments with us.
Very nice post. Too many people think they can escape to some “greener” pastures. While that may be true, most everyplace has plenty of positives and negatives. It is easy to take the positives of where you are for granted and ignore the negatives you don’t face (until you move).
Getting out is great. But don’t expect greener pastures to make everything wonderful. There are certain traits of you and the place that can make getting out the best idea – I don’t like cold, other than that I think I would enjoy Banff (mentioned in the post) a great deal.
While there are conflicts between you as a person and where you are not that make people want out – I think often it is a frustration with those negatives you have been dealing with. Some people love the new experiences – so getting out is often close to ideal. But if you don’t really figure out what will make you happy wherever you are getting out often just changes one set of frustrations for another.
Political frustrations I think are this time a whole bunch. While your government is likely doing tons of totally annoying and lame stuff. Finding a government anywhere that isn’t doing tons of that is very hard (there are a couple, from my perspective, that I find better than most but they tend to be in very cold places – which I don’t like). Often you don’t care about the lame things done elsewhere until you are stuck directly inside of the consequences. I think getting out with this as a big reason is fine, it just seems lots of these people are frustrated with the new location after a fairly short time.
I live in a small town called Davison Michigan. I’ve lived here 3 yrs in a senior community. I get lonely . This is a wonderful town with very nice people. Close to shopping .I do wish I was younger so I could get out and enjoy it here. sitting in your room n having no visitors is quite sad. I have children but they don’t come around and I haven’t been able to celebrate Thansgiving or. Christmas in probably almost 10 yrs. That’s what happens to a lot of old people now a days.
I am so sorry to hear that. It is ashame to have family and not have family. I am 61 and a half and dread being alone or stuck in 1 place.
I have just read your post with a heavy heart. I’m so sorry for what has gone on in your life and it must be hard for you. Is there any groups you can join to find new friends? I too have no family and to cope with this, I just came to realise that it’s the way it is and I’m jot going to let them effect my life and I feel better now. Sending prayers and hugs from the UK.
Hello, that is so true. I am one that recently moved to Florida after 60 years in New York and I am having a very hard time liking it. But as Kelly wrote I came in with too many negatives against Florida.
I am having the same issue and may not stay if I can’t find my niche here. I hope it gets better for you
I absolutely hate it here I would’ve never thought that this would be such a horrible place. I’ve been here almost 20 years and have not made one good friend. They don’t want to be bothered they don’t want to talk to you they don’t want to look at you. What’s even sadder the doctors are the same way too if you can find a good doctor here God bless you. Don’t ever go to Hershey med because if you want to kill yourself that’s the place to go but if you want to live don’t go there they help kill my husband. This is a god awful part of the country. Don’t tell me to move I’m 76 years old it’s a little late to do that and I’m alone
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I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. When we moved from Minnesota to South Carolina people thought we were crazy because, “It’s just too warm”. Now we’re asked all the time about how cold it gets back in Minnesota.
We had a house sitting job in Belize and we were miserable. Opting for the ‘Get Out’ option we moved on. Complacency doesn’t mean you have to give up quality of life and yet finding a balance seems to be more useful.
Enjoying your posts,
Nick and Silke
I agree to a point. Has anyone ever considered that some may just not like the area they live in like one doesn’t like carrots or peas? I am originally for central Kentucky and have lived in Savannah Georgia for five years and Columbia S.C. For five before that. My husband (also from central KY) love s it here! His comments are that he hates the winters back home which, I adore. We have lots of friends here and are always doing something. And I Do Have a positive attitude. BUT, regardless of my positive attitude, I still don’t like where I live. In fact, my feelings for Savannah and the coast is, Over Rated.
I agree with you that attitude is a Very big part and being postive. But attempting to discredit someones feelings about a place that others may love and travel the work over to visit is in my book not being realistic. What one person may like is not always what another may like. I lived in Palm Beach for four years back in the eighties and hated it. Returned to Kentucky and lived there another fifteen years and was perfectly happy and content. Married and my spouse talked me into moving to S.C. And then Savannah, GA. I am happy but, not Happy and it Does have to do with where we live. Summers Way too hot and humid, we have gone through three hurricanes, no seasons to speak of just got and hotter. Can not to downtown without dealing with traffic and rude, pushy tourist. Heck, the other day I got cussed out by a tourist because I didn’t come to a complete stop at a stop sign fast enough for him and I was there car lengths away from the sign. Happens all the time. Plus, taxes are extremely high to live there and you never see your tax dollars put to work unless it is in the tourist areas. So Yes, I give credence to those that don’t like where they live and their dislike is as valid as those that like where they are. So the option of it strictly being about attitude is not being realistic and living in the real world. Some people like the coast, some dobt. Some people like big cities while others like small towns. It’s all about what makes each of us individuals.
I moved to Savannah from Michigan 13 years ago due to the poor economy at the time. My job was eliminated as part of a restructuring. We lost our home and everything we worked hard to build over the years. My wife was offered a job teaching in Savannah, so we went for it. We came to Savannah with great hopes and dreams. We tried to acclimate, but quickly discovered we are not cut from the same cloth as our Southern brothers and sisters. As the years went by I have become more and more reclusive. While people have been nice, we still have no real friends here. We are both lonely for the friendships we lost by moving here. My work is unfulfilling but my wife’s career keeps us here as we have no other options. Any interest I had in Savannah when we moved here has dissolved into an absolute loathing of the place. I hate everything about it and feel more and more suffocated each year that we remain. We try to get out and explore Georgia and all of the surrounding cities and states, but our travels through the Southestern U.S. has left me only yearning more to return to Michigan. I absolutely loath this part of the country, but I am trapped here and am becoming extremely depressed and angry with my situation. My wife feels lonely, but she has been able to enjoy some of the things the area has to offer. I’ve tried to adapt and acclimate, but have yet to find anything close to like about this area. I’m 63 years old now and I hate the idea of getting old and dying in this place.
I’m from Michigan and never felt any connection to the state or people really. I moved away 5 years ago and have met friends everywhere else I have lived (Arizona, Alaska and Hawaii) But when I go home to visit I don’t bother seeing anyone but family. I never made friendships that lasted, I found most people just shop and drink at bars, and I’m a really big outdoor person. Even stepping foot in Mi puts me in a bad mood lol. Very interesting.
I can understand that
Haha I was like that when I was young and new in the world …then moved to the city ….its fun but after a while you will get sick of the high taxes , high rent , people who step on and over you all the time whether it’s work walking on the sidewalk or socially or at work. You will find that the city no matter how nice is a shallow and soulless self centered place …. I find the city Iike an excuse for people to behave badly and treat others like crap. I’ve lived 13 years in Canada’s biggest city and 10 in Canada’s second biggest . Finally I’m going back to where people keep it real .The city is a great place if you are rich and don’t have to work…but if you do …most if it will be spent watching others have lots of fun while you struggle to get by oh and I don’t even make close to minimum wage and it’s almost impossible…. oh and those cool uber rich guys that most girls go after …they would never date outside their monetary class unless you want to be treated like property ….
Hello, I am from Western Kentucky. We moved to Florida in 2013. Our son said he needed to get away from some of his friends and go to college and after rehab we listened.
Florida is very humid and hot. I miss the 4 seasons in Kentucky and family. I still work as a home health nurse. My husband is retired and he plays golf a couple times a week. I agree about the rude people and the way they drive and they will never let you over to make a turn. We live in Lakeland.
Our son finished college which we are so proud of. He lived in Boston for 10 months and came home during the pandemic and still not working. He started working at age 16 and always loved to be out on his own.
We are going to Blue Ridge moutains in Georgia to see one of my friends from Lakeland that moved to Georgia and she loves it there and she doesn’t miss Florida at all. She has a Arbnb but just rents by word of mouth. We always went to Smokey Mountains inTennessee and loved the cabins and it was so peaceful.
I feel much better now that i got this off my chest and I pray for us to be in Kentucky some day.
I Live in Lincoln, CA. I absolutely despise the people here. It used to be a very small town. It’s grown from 8,000 to 58,000 in the 24 years I have lived here. The problem is the people that are Lincolnites think one way! It’s very cult like. The schools are not very good and we pay very high taxes! People are not friendly here. I was dreaming of Georgia or South Carolina. Now I’m thinking, are all places I want to move crappy? I was born in Utah, but it’s very Mormon there too many for me. My whole family is Mormon. I loathe that! I’m glad you are honest about Georgia. I don’t want to die in this town.
Yes. I often think “I would sooner die ‘there’ than live where I live. But most people love living where I live. Personally, I don’t get it. I detest the place. It’s a dump. A backwater with little to offer.
Different strokes for different folks.
Replying to Kenberlynn, if you still want to flee California for South Carolina, you’ll be in good company as I’m pretty sure non-natives outnumber natives at this point. It’s a totally different vibe than it was just a few years ago. Very much a melting pot, people and industry literally from all over the world. Yes, locals may be hostile towards newcomers because we’re being overrun and can no longer afford to move as home and rent prices have gone through the roof. People move here and then make fun of our accents and “backwards” culture. In our small pre-Revolutionary War town, newcomers are razing old homes and building new ones. Even the moonshine guy from CT wants to tear down buildings on the historic register. South Carolina is not South Carolina anymore, but plenty of folks are happy with that. Progress has brought jobs (not for locals), museums, boutiques, kind of good restaurants. You would probably like it coming from CA but unless you live in the mountains, it’s not very pretty anymore since all the farmland and orchards now have subdivisions on them.
Wow this post makes me so sad! I feel the same way about the South… I’m from Europe originally, lived all over the US, mainly up North… coming down to the Southeast has been incredibly hard. I’m a very extraverted person and Southern culture is so strange to me. People are very cliquish and passive aggressive. Of course not everyone, but I just don’t feel comfortable going out and socializing freely because it feels like I am just not on the same wavelength as everyone here. I am so sad living in this place, and I have been trying so hard to create a job situation that would enable me to move either North or back to Europe. I know how painful it is to be stuck in a place where you know deep down that you do not belong in… the only change in attitude I could really have is to accept what is and work from there. But it is a challenge every day. Sometimes I’ve wondered if there are people like me out there and how nice it would be to have them to socialize with while I am here. I am glad to learn at least there is one couple 🙂 makes me feel like I am not so alone!
I feel you! I grew up in a very close suburb of Chicago and then lived in the city for 17 years. Because my husband lost his job we had to move to our second home in rural Wisconsin. I almost feel like I’m dying. I am a city person and I am in the middle of nowhere. I am having an extremely hard time fitting in. My husband finally found a job here so now I guess I am stuck.
Depends on where in europe you’re from.
I was born and grew up in the South. You are correct. Lots of towns in the South are very clanish. The small town I grew up in has a lot of very kind, sweet country people. But the “old families” who have been here for generations are very clanish, cliquish, and can be very snooty.
You are also correct about the passive aggressiveness. A lot of it is veiled in politeness and smooth manners.
I have never felt I fit in, and have been very lonely at times. I am here currently, because my mother is very elderly, and needs someone to care for her.
Wow! Your response really hit home for me. We moved from Toronto to Phoenix in September and I’m really finding it hard. Everything you said and about finding like-minded people. Where do you live? Maybe we could be friends 🤷♀️Lol
I’m here!! Not where you are physically but mentally. I hate where I love (NJ). If you want to chat let me know.
Wow, can I relate! Wondering if you are still in the same frame of mind after the over 2 years that have passed since your post? My wife and I left Northern California last New Years Day to move to New Jersey. I was concerned about the yearly fires that have ravaged the state, and made an impulsive (and regrettable) decision to leave our wonderful home, neighbors, family and friends. Now I am also depressed and angry over that decision, and constantly search for feasible ways to return. My wife was born and raised on the Jersey Shore, and just loves it here, while I can find nothing that appeals to me, and I miss my native California terribly.
I’m in the same situation. I intensely dislike New Jersey and would love to find the way, anyway, to move to California. I really feel for you, I keep trying to find the positive here, but the dreary weather really gets me down.
I am looking to leave CA to move to NC. I love CA. It has everything but comes with a very steep price tag that really weighs on me. You can’t leave CA and try to replicate it. You need to know you’re leaving for somewhere different. I am definitely struggling with the decision.
Hello everyone and Rick,
I just recently moved with my family (husband and 2 very young kids) to Kansas City area from the Bay Area. I had pandemic brain and wanted to get out of CA to be closer to my husband’s family. I was also worried about the wildfires and high cost of living and etc…
I dislike just about everything here…small town minded and conservative people everywhere. I’m worried about gun violence coming from a state with strict gun laws.
This summer has been awful, it’s almost 90 degrees everyday with humidity. when I finally get to use the backyard after the sun goes down, I get eaten alive by mosquitoes.
My husband is happy here so far because he gets to see his family every week.
I am also non-white, so feeling completely out of place. 🙁 my husband asked me to commit to living here for at least 3 years.
I have small children, so I have to consider my family first.
I miss the mountains, redwood forests, and the ocean. I miss the diversity, the energy, and the food!
While I’m responding a few yrs after your comment. Your wife should be able to relocate IF she is still working….you’re not getting any younger so if you can move do it now. Even if you rent out your place & buy another.
” Your life is now.” Best wishes to you both
Good morning was reading this page came across your post. I was born in Fl. But have lived in up state ny for year my brother lives in Michigan I can relate to your situation I’ve gone back and fourth north to south. And realized there is so much beauty in the northern region. That people don’t realize Best of luck with everything maybe one day u could at least take a plane home or drive. Some times alittle change does help depression.🌻 Our leafs are changing 🍂sep 2021. Thank you for your post god bless you and your family.
A reverend wrote one paragraph tips in our daily newspaper. I clipped one about feeling “trapped in life.” He quoted Lincoln, who said, “most people are as happy as they want to be.” You and your wife can change your perspective or move. It is not too late.
Just move back, you’ll find a way.
I 100% percent understand and I agree. I have lived where I’m at now for almost 6 years. And try as I might, I still don’t like it here. It’s funny you mentioned the carrots & peas analogy because that is the exact analogy I’ve been using. How do I make myself like something I hate such as canned peas? I can develop an appreciate about the peas, but the fact is, I hate them even now and will opt for something else any time I can. No amount of attitude or perception is going to make up for that.
I totally agree. I moved to Boise, Idaho from San Diego, CA. I couldn’t stand the crowdedness of San Diego, though the city has a lot of great things about it!
Boise…well, I live in a pretentious neighborhood that needs a crash course in Schitt’s Creek. I don’t feel connected to the place. The geography is beautiful, there are lots of outdoor activities to do, and most people are pretty down-to-earth in the broader Idaho, I still haven’t felt connected here.
I love Connecticut. I traveled there quite a bit, and I felt that special connection there!
I totally understand Dawn. We moved to Boise 3 yrs ago from California and it hasn’t felt like home as much as we tried. We have frequent conversations, should we stay or leave. But where to go? Can’t go back to CA with high cost of living. Stay tuned there may be a future post from somewhere else-lol!
I totally agree with you. I have moved to SC from the northeast, and the move had nothing to do with an interest in living in the south-it was due to helping my mother after she had a stroke. I can’t stand the south. The weather is to be desired-I love and miss having four distinct seasons. I read all these articles that boast of great food and diversity-yet to experience either of these things. When I was up north we use to spend so much time outdoors, hiking and going to parks. Down here there are gators and I have come across too many venomous snakes. Plus it gets dreadfully hot. I have never disliked where I lived as much as I do here.
I feel like this post is slightly naive. Life isn’t worked out that easily.
Yes!!!!!! Same….all of it!!
Girl, I could have written this myself! I too live in Savannah because of my husband who has family here. I’m from Augusta and while not too far from here it’s pretty different weather wise. I didn’t love Augusta but Savannah?? Gimme a break! It’s totally overrated, disgustingly hot and humid with NO SEASONS. I’m like you and really like the winters, love snow which is pretty much unheard of here ( though it did miraculously snow the first winter we moved here). Ever since having kids and stuff I find myself sweating even on cold days (which are rare). My problem is that I want to move but both my parents are deceased and I want my boys to have their only grandparents. Tough spot. I visited Tennessee during the last hurricane, another reason to move….and I really liked it up there. Even in North Georgia mountains it’s much better. So I totally feel ya!
I found this post searching for ways to cope with hating the place you live, and although I understand that attitude is important I think it’s not so easy as thinking of it like a vacation spot. I’m from Chile and a year ago moved to a town up north and absolutely hate it here. I’m alone and my boyfriend is living in my previous town and even though I see him every weekend I loathe Sunday’s when I have to come back. I haven’t make any friends because my line of work is highly competitive and people tend to have a huge ego. I’m a runner, but every time I get here I just loss all my motivation to go out to run. In summer the heat is unbearable, I found the people to be very dirty and the place is plain ugly. I miss my mountains with trees and four seasons and the rain during winter. Although I think this post is discouraging, it was nice to see there is people going through the same.
By the way, I used to love and enjoy my previous town, so I think option 2 is not that simple
I agree; a good attitude is crucial but some environments work better for some people. I live in London and love all that London has to offer, but despite a fantastic career, a nice house, car and amazing children, I yearn for my simple village in Jamaica where the weather is always amenable and I wake up to views of the mountain and fresh morning air. So, although due to family responsibilities I am here in the UK for the long(ish) haul, I return to Jamaica and my mountains often. Of course I could find this type of environment elsewhere but that particular environment holds beautiful childhood memories and soothes my soul. It is a place also where everyone knows everyone for a few generations.
I’m with you. Get me the hell out of Upstate South Carolina and take me to central Kentucky! Please tell me, where have all these people come from? I need to go where they are not.
I understand how you feel. I am from Central KY as well and hate living in Ohio.
Love it. That’s exactly how it is with my husband and I. He loves the heat (of course after working near 140% boilers for 40 yrs) and I prefer my seasons after 61 years in NY.
I love traveling and he doesn’t.
When we both retired a yr ago, I wanted to live as gypsies for a while before rerooting ourselves again.
So I am very unhappy in our new destination. Florida. But thank you for your comment.
Hello, I am from Western Kentucky. We moved to Florida in 2013. Our son said he needed to get away from some of his friends and go to college and after rehab we listened.
Florida is very humid and hot. I miss the 4 seasons in Kentucky and family. I still work as a home health nurse. My husband is retired and he plays golf a couple times a week. I agree about the rude people and the way they drive and they will never let you over to make a turn. We live in Lakeland.
Our son finished college which we are so proud of. He lived in Boston for 10 months and came home during the pandemic and still not working. He started working at age 16 and always loved to be out on his own.
We are going to Blue Ridge moutains in Georgia to see one of my friends from Lakeland and she loves it there and she doesn’t miss Florida at all. She has a Arbnb but just rents by word of mouth. We always went to Smokey Mountains inTennessee and loved the cabins and it was so peaceful.
I feel much better now that i got this off my chest and I pray for us to be in Kentucky some day.
You went wrong the minute you got married haha just joking… well once you partner up you lose some freedom in choices especially when kids are involved, and I think it’s true we can find happiness more in one location but when stuck in a location like yourself you then only have control over your attitude, it’s hard to let go of where you were happy, but I guess at least you have a family. I moved with ex and our kids and I didn’t want to come here and now we’re separated, but my attitude is about creating the life you want with what you’re given.
your comment sums up my life and hit home. I’m a native new yorker, met my then husband in NY and moved 10 yrs later to the caribbean, Martinique which he is from. I wasn’t gung ho, but made a decision for our future child’s life, away from crime , high cost of living especially for health and childcare. My parents are also from Martinique, lived 40 yrs in NY then retired to florida. Dad passed on and mom eventually moved back with me here. Divorced since then and we have joint custody of our daughter. The separation nearly killed me, the family unit is what kept me going and surviving living in Martinique. I had no more structure and after 16 yrs, it is still a challenge because i have no social like apart from work. I love the weather and the beach and the diverse ecosystem, but i hate the never ending strikes, small mindedness, high cost of living, no trader joes 🙂 lack of culture etc. I know its not NY and even before covid, and now almost post covid, travelling to the states from Martinique is a day’s trip, 2 to 3 layovers ,no direct flights. So i am trying very hard to accept my situation which isn’t that horrible, yup its only been 16 yrs. But it is boring often. I can’t move because of my daughter and elderly mom. I don’t have many friends, like almost none. My friends, a handful are in NY. I travelled at least once a yr before covid to NY but it is expensive. So attitude is everything because there certain things i can’t change, so eventually will join a trail walking club, something sports related to meet people. I can only control my attitude as you say. 🙂
Beautiful indeed, my friend. Cheers to the both of you!
You live in some utopia with the blinkers on. People like you do not have a clue what it’s like living ina crime ridden, noisy, dirty area.
Sound like one of those pathetic hipsters
I think you might have missed this paragraph:
” Of course, I’m not talking about people who are living in war torn communities in the developing world, as they actually have legitimate reasons to be unhappy where they are. I’m talking to those who live in nice town and cities in the developed world and constantly complain about their surroundings – without making any effort to change their attitude or move.”
This article is directed to the many people I have met who live in decent areas, yet still complain about it.
Thank you so much for your posts!! I’m sitting here in tears with thankfulness. You are truly right. I moved from the city / suburban city area to Podunk nowhere in northern Michigan. I used to visit it and think it was gorgeous. Now that I’m here all I do is complain… that you for making me realize I need to stop and re-look at things. Although I must confess I’m not certain I’m ready for the cold winters… I can certainly make it a much happier place 9 months a year in my own head & heart!
Thanks for your comment Sandy… I’m glad this post touched you so deeply. I wish you best of luck in seeing things from a new perspective! Send us an update and let us know how it goes.
Dear Kelly your article really helped me.I am from Malta and lived in Cyprus for 7 years .All that time I was homesick although I loved the greenary and mountains.When back to my country I taught I was going to be happy finally only to find out I miss Cyprus.It s been 4 years living in my country again but day deram about how Cyprus is a nicer country .But you are ruggt it s my perception as when I was there I had all what I crave for now and still wasn t happy there and missed my country.
My husband dream is to live in Malta 🙂
I’ve lived in many places & liked them all…except the one I’m in now. These are small town cliques who hate everyone but their white hetero selves. There’s no way I’m ever going to fit in talking about teens dating their teachers or their friends brothers & dads. Or married women out for their afternoon date with the neighbor. You can’t pretend it’s normal sharing booze & meds between parents & kids. It’s never going to be ok because you change your attitude
Did you move to Oregon too?
I lived on the west coast of California, I moved for Job opportunity 5 years ago. Since I’ve been here some family have moved here I’ve found a great man. I have the opportunity to transfer back thru my job. My heart says go my mind says stay.
I just moved out of the west coast California, back to where I was living before. Only got the opportunity to live in California for 2 years. There are pros and cons about living in California, however, if some of your family has moved to California, and you found a great man….Then, read this article again, and again…California has its pros and cons, like everywhere in the world. My heart also said go, and I did, and I think it was really the best decision for my family, my mind told me many times to stay…But, as you can read we left…Sometimes I wish I was back there, but in all true honesty, what I really wish is that I could have some things of California, and have them here where I am :/
Stay. The place you left is never the same and it might be wise to remember why you left in the first place.
Nostalgia is psychotropic.
Kelly, there are so many areas like Mike described in the US. He is talking about the “developed world”. In fact, more incorporated areas of the US are noisy, dirty, and with crime than not.
Your entire perspective is from a very privileged place.
There are tons of reasons that most people are actually unable to move. When you are stuck in an area that’s dirty, noisy, crime ridden, and lacks employment opportunities that make it impossible to move, it isn’t so simple to see the positives…except on TV or in near by towns that are impossible to access. And seeing those things so close but not accessible makes it all the more difficult to see the positives in your current situation.
Exactly! I live in a scummy old apt building in L.A’s San Fernando Valley. It’s Hot,dull & overcrowded & the thought of going back there after being in Portland for a vacation makes me feel completely sad. There’s no one there I can relate to; just alot of people who angry & stressed out. I realize no place is perfect but I just feel resentful & trapped .
Ive change big time. but caused of my drinking i was a ass ive been 15 years sober and i still a bum. I work all my life and there no happyness no more
It is never too late to change, Gerry. Give yourself a pat on the back for being sober for 15 years. That’s a huge accomplishment! Congratulations! Why are you calling yourself a bum? You sound like a person who realized he had a problem and did something about it.
Mike didn’t necessarily miss that paragraph. I think you, however, missed the fact that not all crime-ridden, noisy, dirty areas are in “war torn communities”. Plenty are in the developed world. The fact that you’ve never moved somewhere that is intolerable because of outside insurmountable factors (e.g. angry / shallow-minded culture / unfriendly / racist attitude of locals), doesn’t mean that other people haven’t experienced places like that. It also doesn’t mean that same person is too won’t be happy anywhere. That’s a ridiculous thing to say. There are plenty of people who are miserable in city 1 who would be very happy in city 2. (Not due to personal attitude, but because of the problems or prejudices that city has that the other cities don’t.). You simply lack the experience needed to write an open-minded article.
Omg I’m so glad someone said it. Chicago’s south side is its own version of hell.
Nice towns and cities are vastly outnumbered by shitholes and this article is arrogant and insulting.
Amazing post! I truly inspired me to start moving and to visit and explore these wonderful places! Thanks for sharing! All the best! 🙂
Hi, I really liked this post as it’s true(in due respect). I have lived in a beautiful Northern East Coast beach town for more than 15 yrs now and I never liked it from day 1.I had to come here under duress as I was happy and didn’t want to leave the place I bore my 3 children.I loved it and was hoping to have a future there. So when I arrived in this new pretty town I never really gave it a chance.I lost many good times with family and making new friends, I was alone and my health and quality of life suffered, I was unhappy, unhappy deep down because I had a bad attitude towards it. I made all excuses but the thing is I never got out and explored the place and what a beautiful place it is. So,What can I say, you already said it. You must be happy then you will always go forward wherever you are.Thanx Belinda
Wow, Hi Everybody. I stumbled on this site when I arrived home (reluctantly) today. It’s Saturday and I’ve been wandering around filling in time. I don’t know how old you all are. I’m 72 (but 30 on the inside). I am a widow and hate where I live. I didn’t have a choice about moving to my current home after my husband died 4 years ago. I just don’t know where to go and am afraid to make a move to another area. I live in Sydney, Australia. It is getting so overdeveloped with apartments and McMansions. Everybody is jammed up together and there is no space or privacy. It is very multicultural now, which I don’t mind, but it makes it hard to relate. I’d move if I knew where to go, but I don’t want to go out of the frying pan into the fire. Wouldn’t it be great if we could all get together and create the perfect place LOL. We could all be friends and have so much fun. I’m sick of the EXPERTS saying Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life blah blah blah. It is, what it is. Yuck. I was looking forward to spending the rest of my days content in retirement. I never dreamed my life would end up like this. and being lonely. I hope one day I can change things for the better and feel more content before I die. I’ll tell you one thing though I wont be ending up in a Nursing Home. I’d rather do a Thelma & Louise. Love you all. I share your pain. Elizabeth
wow. I hope you decided to find a way to move Elizabeth. I’m posting 7/1/21 and I, like you, are in the same boat except I am 10 years younger. The post and comments make me feel not as alone. I live in the DC suburbs, came here to work knowing that I didn’t quite belong. I have lived here 35 years now. I hope to move before next year. Meanwhile I try to enjoy the little things….like cooking, watching movies on YouTube and reading posts and replying. I hope you find the courage to move to a new place, even if the money might be a little tighter.
I completely disagree.
I moved somewhere very country town, small town gossip, religious, husband and 3 kids by 25years old, racist, womens work/mens work defined roles.
I have been miserable from the day I moved in. I ak cirrently working as hard as I can to make my place sellable in order to leave.
I work and travel as far away as I can as often as I can.Thankfully i am white skinned but beyond that I am an outcast and viewed as an abnormal weirdo whom to be suspicious of. I don’t have or want three kids and a husband who earns the money, I am not ever going to fit in or enjoy living here. What am i suppsoed to talk to the 22 yr old SAHMs about? Harrassment for not having a bunch of kids yet, whining about Timmy while I am bored and have nothing to add to the conversation?
I like the lack of traffic and garden but my happiness stops there.
I dont think I’ll suddenly become everyones best friend and super social elsewhere but I have lived in areas where i was far more accepted and wasn’t an outcast for refusing to play lifescript or befriend the local church.
I agree, this article doesn’t speak to me for a similar reason (I like gardens too!!). I lived in so many places I loved, I moved around heaps I loved every second of every place. Recently I moved to a more rich area because that’s where my husband is from. We’re educated and well off but not nearly as wealthy as our neighbours. Basically he got (very very very) lucky and got an amazing and very lucky deal on the smallest house in the area… anyway, I can’t stand it here. I really need to get out of this horrible area. I think it’s the wealth. Very monocultural, people don’t have many interests outside of (I think) shopping, I’ve heard more racism here than I have ever heard anywhere else, my (20 yo) car has been hit three times and no one has ever left a note (never had an accident before then), first time I’ve heard bribery as seriously being considered as a possible option to a problem… I could go on… It’s not me… it’s the area, I wish I could move.
Some of us are forced to live in areas that we despise (for good reason), and we don’t have the ability to move. Case in point: I live on a Marine base in Japan, and we obviously can’t leave until the military lets us. The locals are incredibly unfriendly (even hostile at times), the city is filthy (they still use nightsoil on many of the farms in the area), and the base itself is outdated, unhealthy, and lacking in even the most basic necessities. I consider myself a very positive and adventurous person, but when I can’t even purchase food from the local commissary because it’s six months out of date and my brand new home is infested with mold that Housing refuses to acknowledge or rectify, it’s a little impossible to maintain a good attitude. I agree that a good attitude can solve many of life’s problems, but there are instances where nothing will make a place tolerably inhabitable.
Sarah, are you a prisoner?
Obviously not, idiot! But some people are sometimes forced or obligated due to circumstances to be in places that they really detest.But i guess you haven’t experienced something similar, judging by your moronic commet.
LOL- thank you for the laugh
I couldn’t agree more Sarah! I had to move from the Woodstock area of NY, one of the most progressive places in the country, to Tampa Bay FL, one of the most conservative crap holes. There is truly no way to be happy here. Guns are everywhere and it is actually legal to kill someone. The people are the most self-absorbed, shallow thinking jerks on the planet. Getting cut off in traffic is a daily occurrence, because the self-centered attitudes take control in all things. As far as the comment about being a prisoner, spoken like a person with no responsibilities. Yes, some of us are prisoners without being in jail. The reason that necessitated my move was so that my grandchildren didn’t go into foster care and now I am still co-raising them. Which leads to one more problem. People my age here are done with raising kids and do not want anyone in their lives who still have children at home. In addition, if an activity doesn’t involve drinking or partying, they won’t do it. They are lazy. But then again, it’s hard being active when the constant heat beats one down. There is literally nothing to do. So it’s lonely as hell living here. The only thing I can cling to is that I volunteer at a wonderful aquarium/animal rescue hospital, where two movies were made. So I came to this page wondering how others are coping in their own hells.
Really? I LOVED LOVE LOVED the Tampa/St Pete area! I live there for a year and a half but recently had to return to my hometown in Wisconsin due to medical/family issues. I cried upon arrival because WI is so cold and ugly and the “people energy” is so much lower. I’m a progressive as well, but I still loved western Florida with all my heart. It’s just so exquisitely beautiful. I lived kinda in the ‘hood but I still woke up every day and marveled at how it was yet another gorgeous sunny day. I plan to return eventually.
I guess this proves the author’s point that perspective is everything 🙂
I luved in new smyrna for 3 yrs. I cried alot. One thing i did marvel was the sky was gorgeous every day. I lived 5 miles from the beach. My apart was lovely. Cons thepeople were not friendly at all. Everyone seemed suspicious. Co-workers member invited me out otherthan happy hour. Young single people seemedto to have a re tired mindset, records had mire spunk then they did. The job market was shop lure paying. I now live in va. I learned that i focused on time wrong things. There is always something to do if the opened minded. Going to the beach is free. I would go to thebeach to walk for hours go home and get the best sleep ever. Somethings toy can’t buy. In va i have to wait for two months to go you the beach. I have to drive 1hr half. The people are more genuinely friendly. I have reconnected with my daughter see moved here with me. But i realized what i LOVE the beach the sky view. I don’t like mountains and trees. I never felt the heat because every where you went was airconditioning. Va had a lot mite cultural events and arts . the main thing i learned is yippy have to travel for some things and living near family is overrated. I still do all the travelling to see them. . i did try paddle board and kayak workout time danger of sharks as gators. Im still torn. Im not wealthy enough to be a snow bird.
I agree. I lived in the Tampa Bay area for years, and loved, loved, loved it. They were some of the best years of my life. I made great, long lasting friendships.
Please! Take me with you! I use to live there many, many years ago! I loved it, and would do whatever it takes to live there again. I was in the USAF, Macdill AFB Tampa. When I left there it seems all went downhill from there. I just want to sell/get rid of everything I have and just leave here!! Cold, snowy rainy place 10 months out of the year. (Northeast Indiana) I’m ready to go!
I have moved To Fort Myers and failed to look at the weather before doing so!! For my husbands job. I pretty much hate it here. It’s so hot u can’t really do much outside without feeling like u are going to pass out. It’s been 4 months and I want to leave so bad. I have two kids and we seem to move a lot. So I was hoping we would be happy here bc cost of living is low. But there are no seasons here. Just hot and even hotter!!!!!! Yuck! I am also amazed when people say they like it here!!! I hope to have a better attitude and make myself happy. It’s October 15 and almost 100 outside. Good luck to me!
Mark- I TOTALLY FEEL the same way you do about everything. I had to Leave Long island 2 years ago because my daughter needed to be closer to her Dad in Boca Raton Florida. I left a good job, financial security and my home ( my parent’s grave sites) I find Florida to be like a third world country compared to NY. The medical professionals are scammers. The heat is so overbearing 9 months out of the year I am too hot to do anything outside. The drivers are insane. The people are self absorbed. I wish every day that I could go back but need to stay to co-parent my daughter who has mental issues. I just keep telling myself in 5 more years I can leave. I find myself wanting to turn back the hands if time every day!
Don’t blame Florida. Everyone here is transplanted from the north….go home!!!!!
So true! Yes if only they would all go home.
I know this is an old post, but reading this is so therapeutic for me right now. My lease is up in one month. I live in South Tampa & have been down here for 6 years. I’ve had so many bad things happen to me, which I’m constantly in a state of diligent effort of fixing traumatic experiences in my life. I am so frustrated & as you addressed, “lonely”. I usually am a very independent woman, who does not mind being by herself. However, I have had this overwhelming feeling of NO CONNECTION to anything or anyone here. Have been so depressed, despite my efforts to overcome my feelings. Just joined a local hip non denom church & am hopeful that I can find some relief. You’ve brought up a very VALUABLE observation, which I wasn’t sure if I wasn’t the only one feeling it too? Too many self absorbed, shallow & heartless people. I’ve lost all interest in doing things that I used to be passionate about…kayaking, fishing, exploring, bicycling, etc… I just keep to myself, which is toxic to my sense of well being. Any time I go out & initiate a conversation or joke with anyone, it’s like I’m “invisible” or get ignored? I don’t get it? Thank you for lifting one woman’s spirit in South Tampa 🙂
It’s funny yippy say this because i was told Volusia county was the lowest paying county in that state and i have thoughts of moving back and i was going to try tampa. But i see somethings are the same. I to am independent and ambitious and had a hard time adjusting to the mentality and lack of mingling opportunities. I have lived on other states and Florida is definitely a state that is different thanothers. As i was told it’s not southern it’s country. There is a difference. I live in va now and this is southern. People are friendly and polluter and inclusive and you can have conversations and people remember you. I will say that i miss the Sunrise sms and sunsets. And the beach being close. it felt like living on vacation. I often wondered before i left if i would regret it. . looking back i don’t know if i could our would do anything different. Here i have made friends quicker. But in bad days i wish i could take a walk in the beach. The beaches here are river beaches. It’s not the same. I’ve learned what is important to me. It’s community. I can choosy the beach. It’d doesn’t get snow here so I’ll stay.
Woodstock! To Tampa! I feel you Mike Diorio! I’m from NY, lived in that area, have a sister in Saugerties. (Miss her so bad!) I moved to Orlando 5 long, miserable years ago so my Husband could be near his aging parents. I miss my family and the friendly, artistic wonderful upstate NY area I love. The area in which I live is high crime. It is impossibly hot, hostile and lacks natural beauty. If there is a patch of natural grass & a tree, someone must dig it up to plant a different tree and a landscaped patch of grass. Human beings have torn this city apart. All the orange groves, farms and countryside have been paved. (I thought I was moving to the place I remembered from the early 80s)
The few places I found that weren’t too horrid to go for a walk ( w a large dog, a baton & pepper spray) have been rooted up and covered with staple gun houses. And the weapons. I’ll never get used to children who are not able to drink being able to carry a gun. I stopped watching the news because the daily home invasions truly frighten me. I too find it very lonely here. My health has suffered greatly. Where I used to spend most of my time outside hiking, riding horses, gardening, here I have become reclusive. I cannot move home because I cannot afford it; after 2 months of living here I was dx w/ leukemia. My medical bills are so high I fear I will never go home, be in the mountains; be w my grandchildren/ family. One of the highlights of my life is my quarterly trip to Moffitt Cancer Center in Tampa! I assure you Mike! It could be worse! You could live in Orlando! 🙂 In Regards to this article, I googled something about moving somewhere, hating it but being stuck. I came across this article. I see and fully understand that negativity has everything to do with it. “wherever you go, there you are!” It is a certain, special kind of torture when your circumstances demand that you simply grin and bear it. For the service person in Japan in moldy quarters and outdated food- that is shameful! I hope your situation has improved! I thank-you for your service to our beloved country! Thank-you for you sacrifice so I complain about my surroundings and choices! Mike, I hope you too feel well and find solace in the joy of watching your grandchildren grow! I hope you feel pride in the personal sacrifice you’ve made to ensure they grow up knowing the Love they deserve! And hey! You can stream WDST and WKZE! ( although that inevitability makes me cry….”Adam’s Fairacre Farms…”) You’re not alone!!! 😀 \m/
@Anne, I used to live in Orlando, but moved to California desert (with my husband) to live near my husband’s family. I absolutely hate where I live now and wish I could move back to Orlando. The desert air makes it difficult to breathe, so I avoid going outside or wear a mask. I never had breathing problems before. Had to buy a humidifier because my skin was super dry. There is nothing to do besides golfing and eating out. I used to go to the beach every weekend in FL, but live 2.5 hours from the nearest beach now. The mountains are bare, so hiking is unpleasant. I mostly stay indoors and work from home and sometimes cry because I hate it here. I plan to spend my PTO on trips to get out of this awful place. This is the place where old people come to die. I am only in my 30’s. I do not want to spend the rest of my life here. Heck, even living in Kansas City was more enjoyable than this ****hole.
@Anne, I am sorry that you have leukemia. Consider consuming bitter apricot kernels (only a couple per day). They contain vitamin B17 which can help kill cancer cells. I myself take two kernels per day to reduce my risk of developing cancer (along with a healthy diet and regular physical activity). Just make sure they are the bitter kind, not sweet. Also, US grown would be great since most are from China. I refuse to eat anything that is from China.
Hi there! Did you ever get out?
I would love to hear an update!
Sarah is correct- people can be forced often into places they detest, by their circumstances that are not possible to change (only time and/or luck can change them). Only the small minded privileged people can’t appreciate this as they’ve never been in these situations themselves, but instead of appreciating their luck, their ego assumes they overcame the same issues with a positive attitude. Idiots. A bit like the person who wrote the article. Not all intolerable environments are in developing countries.
Oh I sympathize
I hate where I live. I moved because my husband got a new job. Unfortunately we can’t afford to move back to where we lived or anywhere else for that matter. I miss everything about our old apartment. I can’t believe I ever complained about it when we lived there because now I want nothing more but to go back. I will try and change my thinking about my new home and location. Hopefully someday this empty feeling will go away.
Mel, I totally understand what you mean. My husband and I moved from a major northeastern city to a small city in the south. I lived my whole life up north with some schooling out in California. I hate living in a small town in the south. Unless you’re super religious, incredibly conservative and raised here, you won’t fit in. Not even the people from here like it here: The state is corrupt, the school system is awful and I count the days until his job will allow us to transfer. Oh, also, I’m having a high risk pregnancy following a loss and I’m bedridden with my entire support network up north.
Hey Monica, I am in the same situation–living in a small town in the South. People are super religious, closeminded, non-starters and I don’t fit in…I know now, after wasting many years living here, that I never will. I hate it here. This place has absolutely nothing to offer me, not even a decent job…I feel trapped here and I am counting days until I move out of this hell hole.
Marcia and Monica, I hear you guys. Recently my husband was offered a job in the tropical country of Panama. Following all the ‘web hype’ we were positive and it meant more money. Panama is actually as expensive as the US, customer service is the worse and traffic takes forever to get through. The apartment we got is on the top floor and is spacious. But people play their awfully loud music till like 4 am every night. Everything is so congested that I can hear the bus driver across the street shouting obscenities very late at night. Oh and we live right under the building’s pool area where people are always there being loud and obnoxious. The party never stops here. I am counting the days to head back to Los Angeles. I miss the friendly quiet people believe it or not.
Hi, interesting comments in this thread. My wife and I have lived in a wonderful place in the south that we fell in love with nine years ago but now we seem frustrated and ready to leave. However, I think the issue may be internal rather than external so I want to work on myself first. I have one thought about a few previous comments like this one “People are super religious, closeminded, non-starters and I don’t fit in…I know now, after wasting many years living here, that I never will.”
Where we live this can be the case also, but there are pockets of people in different neighborhoods that fit our mindset. We are lucky in this regard. So, maybe look for other areas in the same town. Thanks and best of luck.
I moved to be with my husband. He said if I didn’t like it, we’d move. I gave it 3 years and I still hate it. We did end up moving again because he got offered a great job and it’s not even close to where I’d like to be. I can’t find work at all. Very frustrated. I wanted to move closer to my family, I don’t mind a long drive at all. I’m so far away now, I can’t afford a plane ticket and can’t find a job. It’s incredibly hot here and it makes me cranky. The air is so thick and it makes me feel gross. Constantly sweating. My husband loves his new job. Now what do I do?
I’m with all of you! We moved to the South (small town) from a large midwestern city, and I feel absolutely miserable. I’ve given it a year, and my outlook has possibly gotten worse. I miss the energy of a city, the entrepreneurial spirit of a metropolitan area, progressive thinking, exciting food and drink concepts that are constantly popping up, my position as a well-paid event director, etc. I have truly tried to find the positive parts of being in a small town, but to be honest, my spirt thrives in populated, bustling areas. Sometimes it’s just who we are, and that cannot (and should not) be changed. Life is too short to lower our expectations and just settle for what we think we have to do.
I just read this article and your comment really resonated with me. I live in a suburb of Houston and absolutely despise it. My husband and I are from Chicago and I miss the hustle and bustle of a big city. It inspires and motivates me. The suburbs do not. My husband is a workaholic, so we haven’t made many friends here. I think about moving to a big city when our kids leave for college which isn’t too far away. It’s the only thing that gets me through the day sometimes. Anyway, I just know that I’m meant to live in a big city!
Moved to small town in Ontario due to hubbys job relocation. In late 2015. Had to resign from very good job I had for 11 years. Worked in town as temp for 15 months as I could not for life of me get perm position there. So no sick days, days off zero. It killed me. 3 weeks into this temp job my youngest brother tragically dies. Finally got into another opportunity again after tests, interviews and waiting one year to start. At this term job not even 2 months and hate starting over. Miss the city so can totally understand where you are coming from. Wish I could go back.
I have been in Florida for three years. And arm finally deciding to leave. The reasons are one I live 10 hours away from the closest family member. Two I spent every vacation seeing family and not vacationing. Three I haven’t made any friends for the jobs do not pay enough to live and enjoy life. A cousin of mine gave me some great advice. The advice was women sometimes always try to make everything work. We are taught to make a good situation out of a bad one. In life sometimes it’s like a bad relationship. You don’t have to wait for it to get worse for you to leave and start over. And it took a few months for that to sink in. And I finally decided as much as I love the warm weather and the beach it’s just Not enough. I also decided to want more and say and be specific about what I want. I always dreamed of living in warm weather and by the beach. And I realize I got my desire. And that’s all I got exactly what I asked for. Now I will be more specific. I went home for Christmas to be around family and I felt like it empty jar being filled up . I did not realize how dehydrated I was to be around people that I know and love and love me in return. When you live around people you love and love you you’re not as desperate to be vulnerable just to have anybody around out of loneliness. I don’t know what the future holes but I will never settle if it’s not what I want. And I’m learning what I want
I live in the southeast. Even if being born in this state (1st generation) the cliques vary from place to place. Where I live is lovely but the people, in general, are rude and malicious gossips. I was in a deep depression for three years until I realized that I was giving these people too much power over my joy. They are not important. I blow them off now and go about my business. I may, or may not stay here; but I will live my life despite everything. I am a Christian but do not attend church. I hike instead. Nature doesn’t gossip. Enjoy your life in the meantime. Don’t let ’em get your goat!
Tuere-This is how I feel. But I am in Florida co-parenting a mentally Ill child. Your words are so much to how I feel, and the thing abut filling up an empty jar is spot on. Did you leave FLorida? If so may I ask where? I want to move to Oregon to be with my sister but I can’t leave my daughter.
I miss the area I grew up. I had to move to Cleveland Ohio for college and can’t wait until I graduate. I miss the country and southern weather. But mostly I miss working with my horses daily. I have had some good times in the city, but the crime and cost of living is just awful.
I do consider all the ideas you’ve introduced on your post.
They’re very convincing and can definitely work. Still, the posts are very brief for newbies.
Could you please lengthen them a bit from next time?
Thank you for the post.
I really appreciated this post. I moved from the largest city in my country to a small one to study. I thought I needed a change of scenery but the real reason was I think I needed out of the family home and my own place therefore I only applied out-with my city. Now I cannot help but kick myself for not aiming for them all as my family, friends, partner especially are all back there meanwhile I am in the small city that has a lack of people, character and stuff to do. It has been really getting me down lately.
I am making attempts to meet more people but it is quite difficult. This article was kind of a kick up the bum to stop complaining and accept it, as I have tried to transfer but it isn’t possible. Hey, as I write this snow is falling outside my window 🙂
I lived in Canada for a bit in Montreal, now I live back in the UK. From my comparison, I prefer Canada.
The big skies, cities even the chain shops. I lived there enough for novelties to wear off in my opinion 4 months each time.
I am now back in the UK but my 5 year plan is to emigrate to Canada. I guess some people are drawn to different places. Im not being negative about where I live and I heard some people moaning about things when I stayed in Montreal.
I currently live in Edinburgh, many consider this to be one of the most beautiful cities!
I would love to try living in more places, Edinburgh had being on my list. I wish I can get on a plane out of NY,but what always stopped me was I had being happier here once before, and then so many people don’t seem to dislike it like me. So I am always thinking it’s just me, anyhow my main point is I had never realized it’s a very real thing for many people to hate where they live.
I am hating the house I live in. I need to try and change my attitude I am from Boston Massachusetts USA. I want to go to florida
I’m from My and now liveflorida by way of paying. I must say every state is different. Florida has been drastically disappointing. I thought I would have soooooo many famers market and fresh fish noooooooo. It is not southern to say the least and that is cosigned by Southerners. It is could try. I like e in a beach town I lovv e my apartment. I love living near the beach. That’s it it’s s segregated living and recreationally.. The main thing g to do is drink and eat out which neither are my favorite part time. There are loads to do like paddle board kayaking surf boogie board, air boat, museums, festivals everywhere. My biggest complaint is making friends people don’t mind goes and e erveryone already has their friends and family. I live here alone. I have tried this GS after two years of no friends to have fun with it gets depressing. It hi g a tourist spot makes it worst a lot of temporary transients. Everyone I meet without children seem to be waiting to die. They have no interest or their retired and they have all day and their life are tneir grandkids I do t want to move to another area because .its coasta?l not took hot to cool in winter months. My apartment is beautiful my management is wonderful. If your a renter then you understand. Hard combination to find nice apartment neighbors and good management affordable rent near the beach. The other downside is the salaries are below market value for decent rent. Unemp!oyment is 250 no matter what you make for only 2 1/2 months. My uncle is currently under chemo and lives with my 95 year old granddaughter. I go every three months for a 4 days. I use all my vacation and I drive e 10 hrs there and back. Id have been trying to decide to keep you g back and forth for the beach. Or like e closerther an hour away from each. It doesn’t get too cold in Williamsburg. But this article has a major point attitude. VA has cultural things to attend more do and more diverse closer to family. The reason for my move was further from family warmer weather and closer to a beach. I’m soooooo torn. If I leave Fl I won’t go back. That I know.
I hate my house too
I can’t say that I am hating where I live but I definitely don’t feel like spending my whole life here without trying to live somewhere different,somewhere more beautiful, more interesting and kind of exotic. We live once after all and we should explore and discover all our lives long. This is my philosophy! 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
I uprooted for my hubby’s job from Phoenix to CT. I am not a New England girl. I have lived in many different places, and this one is the pits for sure. I wish I had a dime for the number of times people from CT tell me I was nuts to ever move here. People seem to be generally miserable here, and I miss the sun and sunny faces in AZ. There’s urban, and fun and chic and cool. Then, there’s just urban. I want to go home, and it’s been the longest two years of my life. I love NY City, RI, VT, and even NH and ME (I have lived in both) and CT definitely has much to improve upon.
I don’t agree with something you wrote. You said ‘option #2 won’t work if you can’t master #1″. Well, myself and also another friend I know both hated where we lived. We each found homes and we’re good now.
Being unhappy in your home does NOT mean you cant be happy somewhere else!
“Don’t be one of those people who constantly complains about something, yet doesn’t do a thing to change it.” What if you don’t currently have the financial means to get out of the place you hate living in?! I Utterly HATE where I live, asking me to love this place is like asking the impossible of me. Unfortunately I don’t have enough money to move out of the place I currently live in, Heaven knows I’d give ANYTHING to get put of here but right now we can’t.
I have been happy in almost every place I’ve lived in my entire life – except Toronto. I have lived in A LOT of places. Sometimes it really is just where you live. The traffic, the culture, the lack of anything inspiring… I miss Calgary, I miss Vancouver, I miss Belgium, Florida, Dubai, Gibraltar, Curacao, heck – I really dislike the UK, but I even miss London compared to Toronto. Some places are just miserable lol.
Unfortunately sometimes you get stuck due to finances and income :-/
i dont really like the area i live in at the moment :but for time being will look at the area as if i am on holiday ;that seems like good advice ;i would like to move somewere more rural so i can enjoy outdoor life more ;you only live once ,so why not
be careful for what you wish for…living in a rural area will get old fast….
Great post. I lived in England and Hong Kong and love both while both places have their pros and cons. I moved to america due to my marriage and am really struggling to adjust. Thanks for writing this wonderful article. Everyone in HK should read it, it is one of the greatest cities in the world. Hopefully i can change my attitude towards where i currently am now. If not, hopefully one day my hubby will find a job in Hong Kong!
If you are ambitious, successful, affluent, and you like the action, I get why you’d like it in HK. This situation is not applicable to me. If you’re a middle class earner, Hk is a stressful city and a needlessly struggle-oriented place.
The grass is indeed greener just about anywhere else for someone in my situation.
To put this in perspective for Americans, imagine working at 1/3 the salary of a New Yorker and paying Manhattan prices for everything!
I moved from a small developing town in Sonoma county, to LA, where my boyfriend works, and I have never hated a place to live before. I am originally from New York, on long island, and I loved it there, visited Sweden, Italy, Puerto Rico, and all up the east coast. I have driven and seen most of West coast, but LA always gives me massive anxiety, from the traffic, to the lack of eye contact, to the fake rich people, to the suppressed low income people. I live smack dab in the middle of east LA, and I have never in my life had a problem with any location. I have tried doing my best to keep positive for the last 2 and a half years, and we cannot afford to move, which tends to make me feel more trapped in this place. I have tried making friends, but everyone is really incredibly flaky, and I cannot find a job because of how popular it is here, I could be a great candidate, but there’s twenty other people a hair of a fraction better than me. I try not to let that discourage me. I tried joining a yoga studio, and reaching out. I have asthma too, and I have never had such poor breathability in my life. I get T old that I’m just not trying enough, and I stay at home too much, but I have no money to get out. I contacted my doctor about seeing a therapist because I have been chronicly depressed about this for a while. I just want to be free from a place that takes so much away from my quality of life. I do give to myself to find balance in that, but since it effects my mental and emotional life so much, my healthy patterns are almost non exsistant. And Everytime I go away, I truly Fred coming back to LA. I do not know why anyone would like to live in a huge city. It’s so unhealthy.
my darling Carina! I am exactly where you are now!!! I lived in Central Ca. for twenty years and loved it. Through no decision of my own, I now live in LA and I absolutely hate it! It is barbaric, smelly, intrusive, boorish and slutty! Why anyone would choose to live here is beyond me! My home was shady and cool and leafy and quiet; a warm day was 65 degrees. Here at its coolest it is 85 degrees but usually well into the nineties.And the sun blasts everyday. Every damn day!!! I lived in a house before, now and top this if you can…i live in a room..one room in a house with no trees.But I have met some incredible people and many wonderful puppy dogs that I routinely visit and share a kibitz. But I pine for my house and my life, and the beautiful quiet. Here everyone with an IQ of one is damn sure you want to hear their music of choice be it from their house next door or their idiot car screaming down the street at a thousand miles an hour. I hate it here, i will always hate it here. Change my attitude? Wrong answer! Never and that means never!! Oh btw I also have asthma, but seem to have more trouble with the digestion side of things than the lungs since moving to this nasty carnival.
Carina, im currently live in California Orange County and love warm weather. My husband has accepted job in Boston Massachusetts. I probably have to move within a mouth from now June 2016 and am so depressed already just thinking about leaving California. I love adventures but can’t stand cold.
You should drive to Orange Courty, go to beach. I want to stay here. I understand in LA downtown area is not clean and feel unbreathable. Enjoy this weather. Hope you will appreciate this weather.
I’m still deciding… If I figure out how to make money without leaving my dogs and I stay here 🙂
Soso CA is a hard act to follow. Im counting the days until we go back. That said, Boston is an amazing city!!! I hope you have a great experience. But I have felt the depression you are feeling.
This article was so truthful and down to earth, thank you Kelly!
After living in a place for years that I only ended up in because of my husband, I’m itching to get out!! I couldn’t explain it to him in any other way than “I’m not satisfied here”.
I desperately needed to hear this perspective that I forgot about.
The place that we live is amazing, I’m just at a point in my live where this place doesn’t suit my interests.
I too have realized more and more recently, the last good number of years in Queens, NY, could have been much better. I actually for a long time knew I did not want to live here, I had actually left and somehow came back!!! Needless to say, I have probably being in a sort of limbo since then, here in body more than spirit.
I was about to leave recently but got a lot of anxiety, and got very confused very quickly. I guess I was rushing and had other emotions going on. I still want to move, but can’t can’t seem to make it happen!! I am not sure what is stopping me, or why I can’t get a fire lit under my ass to get into action.
I can’t say it’s all about loving living here that gets to me, I am more concerned about where I will be later in life, and I really have no family here in NY. but yes right now is very important also!
I wish there was some way I can get busy packing or get busy living..any suggestions greatly welcomed.
Mark and Sarah, thank you!!! I moved from southern CA to North Carolina (my husband is also in the military). We tried to look at the move as an adventure, but one year in it’s been an all around awful experience. It’s such a lower standard of living here. There’s nothing to do, all the restaurants are subpar compared to what we’re used to, people are so small-minded, zero job opportunities for spouses, more trailer parks than trees…I really can’t think of anything to like about it. We’ve given it our best shot, but now we’re just counting the days to get out of here! I don’t agree with this post that it’s all attitude, sometimes life just deals you a really sucky hand and all you can do it wait for the next one! Hope you’re situations improve!! I’m counting the days until we return to civilization!
I do be!ieve that if you don’t compare your present to your past your perspective may change. What is the point of change if everything remains the same.
I can totally relate to this article. I grew up in Maine and miss it every day. My husband’s job is in Maryland and he can’t find any jobs in his field in Maine. I feel like a prisoner. The cost of living here is so high as is the crime. It’s difficult to change perspective, but I know it’s what I will have to do to survive. I think we will be here forever. So depressing. I miss Mayberry! It’s nice to know other people feel this way.
I don’t have a problem with where I live. I currently live in Carlsbad California weather is perfect mile from the ocean really couldn’t get much better. My problem is my heart is in Hawaii we moved there in 2003 and had to leave because of family health issues took me back to Utah then I went back to Hawaii where my heart is and then again my dad got ill and I had to leave and take care of him in Utah until he passed away. We were going to move back to Hawaii once again but then two of my boys decided to stay on the mainland so now I am torn I currently live in Carlsbad and want to be in Hawaii both places are amazing both places also have equal downfalls. No matter how much I appreciate where I’m at I am drawn to Hawaii every morning when I wake up that is where I want to be and it has caused a depression not that I’m choosing to be negative I just truly missed Hawaii but I am torn because I don’t want to leave my children. Thank you for the article but in this aspect even changing my attitude about where I live does not help the feeling of not being at home in Hawaii where I belong
While I totally agree that attitude is everything I think there is a big piece missing here. When you visit a town, you are visiting. You are living there day in And day out. While it might be quaint during your short stay to shop at a limited grocery store or sit cozy by a fire, when this is your daily routine it is much much harder. When you come to a ski town to ski you are there for that sole purpose. You are not trying to live a “regular” life there. Yes, I find you can find the positives anywhere you live and try your best to make the most of where you live. That being said trying to say that about towns you just visit and acting like they just need a better attitude lacks the empathy of hearing why it can be a challenge to live there year round.
Thank you for the article. I also moved from Canada to northern England for my partner . When I meet people here they often have same reaction as you described “how you moved here from Canada??”. I’m in general very positive person but I find it challenging to live here. If you’re a tourist here then that’s amazing but if you’re all settled down here then it’s different.
I have my days when I get frustrated and miss my family and friends in Toronto. Today is one of those days so my husband sent me this article to feel better.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
Couldn’t disagree more with this article.It Is the people of the town where you live that makes it likeable or not.
I am an open person, friendly and positive. I lived in Italy and in Calgary and I loved it. But here in Red Deer , it sucks, people sucks , they are not friendly period. Maybe you should just live several years in different places before coming to this conclusion/article.
I totally agree! I’m somewhere now where the people are shallow, uninterested. Come from vibrant communities elsewhere in 3 countries where people are engaging, interested in helping others, interested in community, and open-minded. It really doEs matter where.
I don’t think is only a “you must try game”… I am the only foreigner in a very small village, where my husband was born and grew (and both his parents!!). People ignore me. I am friendly, I tried to mix, but I was not accepted for thousand reasons: I am not religious, I have no kids, I don’t speak the local dialect (I learned the language of the country,tho…)… it is sooooo frustrating. When I go to parties, I end playing cards or games with the kids, because somehow they love me! I even got a Godson, because he asked me to be, but I couldn’t baptize him, as I am not registered as catholic in the local church.
It is all very complicated. =( I am not totally depressed because I have a very interesting online life: friends, my work and from time to time I even cross the border to another country to be part of meetups I get to know online. Mostly in Belgium or Luxembourg, where people seem to be much more friendly than in Germany.
I miss my old home on the coast. Felt inspired there. Crabbed off my dock, walked the beach, ride bikes, outside concerts. Just enjoyed nature and friendly neighbors. I moved to Charlotte NC and hate it. Big city feel ,traffic,neighbors not friendly…. Stuck ! Can’t go back for job reasons. I’m depressed and miss my home. 3 years and miserable!
I live in a city on a small island in the Mediterranean.
I am originally british but have loved here since I was 5. Niw I am 30, and married.
Me and hubby both feel the urge to leave, since our way of living, ideas, mentality does not really match up to where we live…
He is in a job he does like and doesnt pay well, but works good hours. ( until 2)
I have managed to start my own business, doing something I enjoy, but for me and hubby work isn’t everything …
I hate being one of those people that stay somewhere because of work and i feel this is what i am doing..
We both want a more simple life.. In my country, in the city people are very materialistic and there is nothing nature oriented here… It’s hard not to get caught up with the daily routine and materialistic life style….
We rent a lovely house, family is here, both of us work good hours, but here there is nothing to do….
We love nature hiking walking…. Our country is smaller that London… We are in a very small place, and people are not expectance to anyone who is a bit different…
We feel a bit left out…
And we are not Orthodox, and dont really have a church we can go to and feel part of….
This is why we are thinking to move… Go to The Uk, and live in Wales or Cornwall ( we love the places 🙂 ) life is so simple there and the places are beautiful.
But don’t know if it is right to do so…
My business? In some way this makes me feel secure… But i feel it’s just not the life style we wont… Miney making life style…
Any input would be appreciated…
what island are you in?
hi, it’s good you like where you live
every one else, please call the police to have this writer go on a trip to vietnam, Pakistan or middle Asia, maybe this writer needs a lttle time to know about the world and get experienced.
after this, the writer will block this post and write about war, stress, and studying hard and poor people.
It’s called perspective. No one person can possibly write to fit each I dividual situation.
We moved to NH so our kids could attend college they were accepted to……regret it big time. I hate it here…..people are weird, odd, low class …..rude at best…..there is nothing to do but ski mountains if you are rich and able…..or hike in summers hoping a bear won’t block your way……I cannot move because once we moved here, my husband linked up with some loser who destroyed our marriage then she moved on to someone else…….i don’t have the money to do anything…….my car died and now I am stuck in a small crappy town with buses that only run 8 to 4 weekdays…….it sucks and i wish I had never moved here but sent my kids to the U of Fl instead……..
Hi Kelly! I’m happy I found your post. I’m a Brazilian living in Eastern Europe,and I came for one year of exchange program, but finally married a local. And reading your text just made me remember to be positive again. The country I am is ok, but people are so cold and unhappy that just destroys my energy. Sometimes is difficult to keep up in such environment, based on that even locals really want to move abroad. But I’ll be focused on seeing the bright side! 😉 Surely that are many.
Thanks for this post–and all of the comments. I found this after Googling “how to learn to like where you live.” Originally from the US west coast, I’ve lived in Mexico City for more than seven years. It’s a fascinating place, but 22 million people live here and the stress that comes from the constant struggle for space has worn me down. I recently returned from a long trip to South America and now, I constantly fantasize about living in Chile or Uruguay–countries whose entire populations are smaller than that of this megacity. Before I make plans to move south, I really need to try to like living here again. Reading this was the swift kick in the butt I needed.
Oh to be so lucky. Sigh…
My husband proposed a move with a new job offer. I went to visit and cried, literally cried. I knew it would be bad. He said either we all go, or he would and threatened that he would not commute back to see us if he went by himself. Sadly, we all went.
This place is so redneck it is embarassing. The nearest biggest town is an hour drive. Grocery store is filthy, tiny and has minimal necessities. Dollar store is the only other place to grab a pair of pants in case of emergency. The mall in small dirty drug infested town nearby closed down. The only people that like it here have spent their lifetime growing up here and all they do is fish and hunt. I don’t.
The job was supposed to make us good money and we would build the house of our dreams on the lake. Nope, he lied. It makes decent money, we bought a fixer up in the center of town. Parents show up to parent teacher conferernces either in so much make up it looks like clown day or in dirty hunting boots, straight out of the field. They even park on the lawns around here, right. beside. a. driveway. Ugh..
The only place the locals go is the Casino, um no thank you.
The “countryside” is all owned by farmers so there will be no picnics with kiddos, or sight seeing or swim on a hot summer day. Besides, the bacteria growing in those places keeps us out. Literally. There are notices everywhere.
Obesity is everywhere. Yuck. Fried food. Fried pies. Fried taters. Please people…any farmers markets around here???? Even the kids are obese and so overweight some middle school children are wearing 3 x shirts.
There are no bike trails, heck I nearly die each time I walk my dog on these narrow streets. People could care less if you are walking or biking. They fly by, doing well over the speed limit and often times yell at you for being on the road. If you try to get to the country well arm yourself for those “good old boys” that believe their dogs can roam the country and they bite! Animal control will pick them up and next thing you know, their kids are giving my kids a hard time because their dog gotten taken away. Next time you go by, they will have twice as many.
Not to mention the state of Oklahoma is one of the worst in animal cruelty. Porches with tied up emaciated dogs….oh I cry as a type this.
Growing up I wanted a beach. My husband knew that. He is originally from Houston. Where did we go? A small run down town, far from anything. It is depressing. Each day, I nearly mark my calendar to how many more days until I can run far from this God forsaken town.
Since the move almost 5 years ago, there are no date nights. No special outings. No celebrations of any kind really. It was the worst thing we ever did.
So no, we can’t just change our attitudes. Sometimes, it is REALLY what it is.
I definitely recognise my own attitudes in this post and some of the comments. Having moved from the north of England to the south Wales coast, our friends and family think we are mad but after a year we are done with it and it has made us appreciate that we actually loved where we were. Unlike many commenters here we have no ties, and thanks to the lack of good jobs and expensive housing we haven’t even taken our stuff out of storage yet so we are looking for work back home and moving asap. 🙂 I can’t wait to get back to normal!
Where abouts in South Wales? I live near and HATE every day.
UTAH!!!# am here and situation i am in is despicable
63 years all over the world now I am in hell
My advice isn’t attitude
It is fly in go snowboarding
Or ski go to airport and leave
That’s right in not mormon
I think its more about the lifestyle. I live in the North East and the thing that gets me is the bad weather and routine. Truthfully the sun is my tranquility – orange light puts me in such a wonderful mood. I’ve always dreamt of a place like Spain where life just seems to be in colour. Here I remember it in black and white. Its depressed, grey, full of chavs (people who swear, smoke, all wear tracksuits and look identical) and nothing happens! Then they all grow up have children and hate adventure, fun and wildness. Its unbelievably dull. Nobody does anything, like they find a career and do for it, never enjoying it and the worse part about that is that they don’t care! Furthermore is health, my skin hates the cold and decides to flare up, also when your cold you want fattening things, meaning everyone is like that and its hard to workout when everyone around you judges you for trying. Spain has exotic fruits and salads that would be much more enjoyable in the heat. There are so many more points, but you just know when you don’t belong somewhere and here is not it. I’d recommend it if you were in search of a peaceful life but I like places with culture, such as Japan and a routine which involves the sun. Its not that I don’t appreciate it, I mean safety wise I’d say its not too bad but as a lifestyle, I prefer to make memories with excitement.
I needed to read not only this article concept, but the individual feedback as well. I truly needed to know that I’m not alone in my mixed feelings of despair, frustration, isolation and/or confusion. Sometimes those of us in misery don’t necessarily need “company,” but a bit of empathy and understanding sure go a long way to make us feel heard and understood. Reading the stories of others has finally made me feel a sense of validation. Feeling lost where I’m supposed to be at “home” has been one of the strangest, most difficult emotions I have ever experienced.
Due to tragic circumstances, I have little to no control to change city that I sincerely dislike for so many reasons. Even worse, I dislike D.C. for personal reasons that significantly impact my quality of life beyond factors, such as pollution, noise, over crowding, cost of living and crime – all of which also greatly deter from my quality of life. Nonetheless, I am currently stuck, waiting for a specific “out” and wondering how to make the best of a truly awful situation in the meantime. I appreciate the suggestions in the article. I can implement some of them – most definitely. I can make the most of a city people travel the world over to visit, and I can make connections. I needed those reminders. In the throws of situational depression, it’s hard to remember these tips though. It’s truly difficult.
Thank you to all of you who shared your own experiences. The next time I’m hating having to ride a train across town just to shop, or having to visit the doctor because the area’s pollution has worsened my already declining health, or worried about my safety while waiting for a bus, I will remember that I am not alone. We are not alone.
Hi. This is Madhura. I am from India. I have shifted from Delhi to Kolkata couple of months ago. I am still getting adjusted to the city. I find everything so boring around here. Despite the fact that I wanted to come back ‘home’ at some point of level, I feel sad at times. So I can relate to you.
I’m in the same situation Isabella. Also put on weight due to the gray weather when I dream of the sun and sea, fresh fruits and seafood. The NE of England sounds like the US Midwest, where I’m stuck. Statistically an unhealthy place (it’s not just me). Dream of betters days/retirement somewhere much nicer but grey days are long and life is short …
Verry verry beautiful comment and perspective Isabella!..
I live in a “travel destination, just like Banff, same kind of scene, people come from all over the world. It’s not a negative attitude, it’s that living in a place in different from visiting, and you don’t bother to account for that at all. It’s all postcard perfect for you as you drive through, but you don’t understand the economics of living there, the kind of people who actually live there year-round, etc. In Vail, sure it’s a nice destination, but the people here are generally mean-spirited degenerates that hate everyone and just want to ski, it costs an insane amount of money to live here, and we get shit on by overly demanding asshole tourists all year. It seems so nice, and the one guy seemed negative, because in towns like this, EVERYONE works in hospitality (or real estate), so we’re super nice to visitors because we basically have to be. It’s a small town. We see you at work, we see you around town while your here. It doesn’t mean the two days of paradise you experience would simply be that heavenly every day if you actually lived here. I hate when people who have no clue write articles expressing their narrow minded, uneducated, inexperienced views as gospel.
Totally agree with Jack. I’ve lived in three tourism destinations and two of them sucked for exactly this reason. I grew up in one and tourism increased over the years to the point where all our local shops closed down and became restaurants, bars, upmarket boutiques for the tourists. Property prices ratcheted up eventually forcing locals out (who wants to live in a tourist trap anyway). I hate to knock all tourists but some of them have mental health problems, are pedophiles, or just louts looking for amusement with waitresses and local girls. It gets unpleasant really fast. I would avoid tourist destinations as a permanent home base like the plague, no matter how pretty, unless you want to make a living that way. Just be aware that life in Banff or anywhere else isn’t idyllic as the pictures … bad weather and people happen everywhere.
I love where we moved and can’t imagine living anywhere else. I bought a farm and built a house and am establishing a community where I would love to raise my future children. But my husband of six years is miserable. He says he doesn’t want to leAve me but he is constantly depressed. He can’t keep a job and it is always someone else’s fault. He doesn’t like the people here and misses home. But I remember him saying the same thing about our old place. I understand his point of view but am at a loss about what to do. How van I improve his life and happiness?
Until you’ve lived in the town in South Dakota that I live in, DON’T tell me to change my attitude about this place! I don’t care if you think that I’m a pessimist that will hate everywhere I live, because you’re making a rash assumption without having ever lived where I have. This town IS uninspiring, it’s got no natural beauty (it’s a pretty ugly part of the state), and the locals here are cliquey, and don’t like outsiders (I’m not originally from here, and I constantly stabbed in the back by the local populous). Frankly, moving would be the best thing that could ever happen to me, because literally – just about anywhere (save for maybe a third world country) would be better than here… (and even that third world country might be better… I live only a short drive from one of the indian reservations… and this state’s reservations are about as close as you can get to a third world country on U.S. soil.)
So you are actively trying to move right?
I move to Finland almost 5 years ago after finishing the University and I have hated it all the way, at the beginning I was super positive and full of energy but bad things started to happen and continue. I had never experienced any racism or discrimination before until I move here and its really something deep inside their culture even if they want to pretend otherwise.
During this 5 years I have met a lot of nice people from other parts of the world but most of them have ran away because they haven’t like the country and the few left are very bitter and depressed as me. The weather is also a big issue and its the worst I have experienced, the cold and darknesss o long time are really bad. I use to love the sun and tropical places so I am actually living in the opposite landscape.
I can not move now back to my homeland (which I really like and love) at least for the next 2 years. So I really dont know how to change my perspective and try to not be homesick anymore. I have done as much as I could to adapt, I have worked very hard and pay my taxes, I dont get any benefits from the government and I am studying the language which is incredibly hard but still its like a everyday -battle to go out and interact with this society which I dont understand or like. I feel that a big part of people are not having any basic polite manners, they are very rustic, alcoholics, sometimes rude and not so educated as you might think. This is a tough place if you are a working immigrant.
I am so uncomfortable here and sometimes I feel bad because my husband is Finnish and I hate that he has to see me not loving his culture and depressed. He is very different from the other finns I have met though because he has traveled a lot and lived in other countries but I still wish that I didn’t have to worry him with this. What could I do to manage two more years here? Is something wrong with me? I am doing something wrong? I feel that my life is just passing by and I am frozen. 🙁
I live in Los Angeles, California and I wake up knowing every day that I have to get out of here. I have been here 5 years. From Oregon. 5 of the hardest most craziest years of my life. I wake up always trying to stay positive. I work so hard and setting money aside to move. I probably didn’t the last 3 years bitching and complaining and not doing anything about it primarily because I didn’t have the financial means to leave and I have explored the entire city, done all the hikes, lived all over, explored, adventured, egro ended people from all over the world, ate amazing ethnic food.. I know this city like the back of my hand.. all of those things are great.. the things to do and that’s been fun but still no matter how how much I’ve jumped around here it’s still the same story. Crowded, expensive, have to share tiny spaces, flaky people, rude, inconsiderate awful drivers, traffic, sitting on freeways hours and hours, always noisy, can never get peace of mind, rich snobby people everywhere amongst poor people dieing on the street, takes hours to drive to nature, pollution, trash, the energy sucks here and it sucks your soul right out with it. I never feel comfortable here and finally I am doing something about leaving. I’ve never hated a place so much and I’ve tried and have tried changing my perspective. LA might have been beautiful years and years ago but humans have ruined it. And the general population is a bunch of assholes.
Excluding some locals and the people that come from other countries. Those people have been the nicest.
I won’t miss you LA but atleast you’ve taught my some lessons.
I wanted to leave the place I was born since forever. It was a backwards, racist, super-religious hellhole in the South.
I was never going to be happy there. Moved away the minute I could. Best thing I ever did. Sometimes you don’t need to “learn to appreciate ” a bad place in order to be happy elsewhere…even if it isn’t a ” war zone”.
This resonated so highly with me, as somebody currently living in Hawaii, which is the place that many people aspire to move to once they have acheived great enough success in life.
I am in my late twenties and moved here for my partners job. I’ve lived in cities all over the world, and have always dreamed of living in France or in Switzerland, as I speak multiple languages and have the citizenship ability to be able to do so.
While initially I was in love with the ocean and the incredible beauty of the Hawaiian islands, I have become more and more depressed as times go back with the lack of opportunity to speak the languages I love, the routine of a boring career, and the lack of permanent friends (military populations here are very transient). I’ve been struggling to adjust my perspective – this article helped very much, as did reading the comments of many other people who live in beautiful locations but who struggle too.
Well about 11 months ago My husband and I and our middle daughter moved from Huntsville, Al to Austin, Tx. We really had no choice in the matter because, my husband had been unemployed for 9 months and the only job that presented itself was in Austin. We left behind 2 other daughter and their husbands and a wonderful church and community of friends that we have had for the past 12 years. I am a massage therapist but the pay here in Austin for a massage therapist is dreadful. My husband and My daughter go to work everyday and I am left at home by myself. I miss my other family and daughters badly and we all really do not care for Austin at all. Way too much traffic and the liberalism here is awful. I am so sad and always down in the dumps. We are seriously thinking to more back south and try to find a job closer to the family.I am just afraid that my husband will not be able to find a job and we will be stuck here in Austin ,Tx. I guess the biggest thing I am afraid of missing is being a gramma when my 2 other daughters start having babies. I do not know how to be happy here if we end up staying here or how not to be mad at God for putting us here. I really hate living here i Austin and yearn for living in the south again.
I have lived in communities that the locals didn’t like, but I loved. Those places were different than where I came from so I could appreciate the exoticism. When it comes to one’s own hometown, it’s another matter all together. Driving down the same few places and looking at the same handful of faces your whole life, can make you feel crazy. No matter how nice those people and places, the brain craves change, new knowledge, new sights. (Not to mention when dating, you can assume your bf/gf is a distant cousin if your family is deeply rooted in the region. The drive to move on to another area maybe motivated by the search for non-familial DNA for your offspring.) The smaller your hometown, the faster you get sick of it because there is more exposure to the same sights and activities. So disliking one’s hometown is normal. I’ve experienced it. It’s best to leave right after high school, when you’re young and selfish and starry-eyed. The longer you stay around your town, the more obligations you pick up, the more attached you get to your parents and siblings, and the more difficult it is to leave. It’s not impossible to move away as a proper adult, but it is more difficult.
I just long for people peace and quiet away from other people and near the sea. But I am stuck in a flat surrounded by screaming gulls, screaming drinks at night, wailing buskers during the day. I long for quiet and solitude. Which takes money I will never have. I will never achieve my dream of living in the north of Scotland. I am in my 50s and the jobs that are open to me won’t allow what I long for. It feels that life is wasted on me and might as well be over. In my flat, I live with ear plugs in all the time. I just want quiet.
None of you talk about a scenario where one is in love with home country and finds it difficult to stay abroad ..say like me:) Coming from a tropical country I see other places to be cold///
Although I appreciate this article, for those who have lived somewhere they loved and where they thrived and then moved someplace they felt stunted–it is very difficult. I am unable to move because of my husband’s career and it has been almost impossible to find the things I enjoy here not to mention the cost of living and traffic which can be quite limiting. 20 years and counting . . . it is often a struggle to keep a good attitude.
LOL I live in boring Ottawa Ontario voted most boring city in Canada.
Live in awful neighborhood . I have nearly been mugged 3 times.
I hjave window bars and cctv protecting inside & outside of my apartment 24 hours a day 7 days a week prior to cctv had 5 burglary attempts. I stay indoors as I do not wish to get mugged. I cannot wait to get out of this hell hole. I have never hated a place as much as I hate Ottawa. I have traveled all over Southamerica, USA, Canada & Europe. And if I could choose somewhere to live , I would return to my country Peru.
If I have to remain in Canada I would choose Victoria BC or Vancouver .
Yes for now I am stuck in a place I truly hate and I am doing my best to get out of this situation.
If you hate where you live, get away at the weekends. Camping is great and there are campsites and state/national parks within most areas. Visit the museums in a nearby town. Learn a foreign language at night school or take a TEFL course so you can meet outsiders. It’s hard moving to a new place as most natives don’t want to know newcomers. You can also live somewhere your whole life and not fit in, especially if you’re a country dude in the city or vice versa. Join MEETUP to find other llikeminded souls. Rescue a dog so you have to get out more. Maybe do agility with it or train for pet therapy together. I am a trailing spouse who hates where they live by the way (southern Ohio). There are no beaches or mountains or many cultural things to do and the climate sucks. Most people are unfriendly and there’s no sense of community. Those are the facts, honestly, but I’m stuck here. There’s a river and a couple of small lakes so you have to take a little boat or kayak out as that’s all this to do really in summer (apart from a swimming pool). Books are my great solace. The world belongs to those who read is one of the signs on my bookshelf … escapism can begin at home.
I love your response! I hate where I live! I have never seen snow. I hate the town I live in, I came from a tiny town in Florida, the town I live in now used to be small but is so big & everything is for the tourists it is plain depressing.My hubby won’t leave his mom so I am stuck here or I could leave still haven’t made up my mind on that one yet. I agree with you about getting out on the weekends etc. My friends and I go on road trips to the springs etc, which resets your mind.
This was the perfect article i have been looking for. Having completed my mbbs, we are to move to a different town as my father’s retirement is due this month.Settling down in a new place and the fear of change is what was eating me inside out since the past few days. And to add to it, the stress of constructing our new home. Most important of all, i have to clear my pg entrance examinations due in december. A lot of things on my mind right now. Hope i am able to cope with it.
Was convinced by my husband to move to a retirement
Community in Florida that I had not even visited. I am from
WI snd hate it here. I miss the 4 seasons and would take snow
Anytime over this heat and humidity which is most of the time
It is like a nursing home here and people stay inside most of the time
Next year I will go back over summer and spend 5 months
There. That is the only way I can make this work
Great article and very relevant to me. I moved from the UK to a small island in the sun (except winters are colder and wetter), and there are things I love about it, and have made a real effort to enjoy it and made lots of friends. I chose to go because my work allowed it and thought that if I don’t do it now then I never will. I wasn’t someone who moaned about the weather in the UK – I don’t mind it! I’m really glad I did make the move but I also gave up a number of things I like that are really part of my identity that I cannot get here (not just material things). The other big thing is that schools for my children are not great here and don’t offer the choice the UK has – even if I try to change my attitude I cannot improve the schools. And living costs are high.
Moving has really made me appreciate the UK more. I think I knew it before moving but didn’t want to miss the opportunity to experience life in another country.
I do worry that if I do move back I will long for the things I have where I am now, but I do know that I have really tried here and it’s a combination of practical things (schools, living costs) and identity that make me want to move back.
I can relate to your feelings . We moved also from UK to a small island due to relocation of my work, I was very happy there but my wife and kids were miserable, though my wife did her best to see the benefits of the place she missed UK so much and felt the kids are missing so much – not only the education bothered her but also the fact there is no culture there, and if there is it’s not in English. Two years later I got another offer to relocate us to another island- we thought it would be a good opportunity, a good change . First year was great we were all happy and I finally felt we are in the right place, but slowly things that we tried to avoid from seeing were too obvious later . Like you say school is not great , culture and aformal education is barely exist here, though there are some advantages for this island there are also many disadvantages. This summer we have been to the UK and realized that the disadvantages are bigger then the advantages . So now in the process of moving back to The UK. Yes there is much to do butl it worth the effort. We tried to come with the right attitude and we love new experiences but I think in our case it’s not the attitude it’s the different culture. I guesss island’s mentality is not for everyone. We tried ,experienced and got the idea. We might miss the weather and maybe the feeling of more laid back but I am willing to give up all this for the sake of so many good things you can get and give to your children in the UK.
I wish all of you to find happiness where you are, and if it’s possible and you can – move ! don’t force yourselves to stay in a place you are not happy, if you tried your best and still not happy then time to admit it’s not working and move on.
Thanks Kelly for writing this life changing blog, it looks like you posted it in 2014, and I luckily stumbled into it today 6-12-2020!. Thanks to everyone for your wonderful contributions. The posts here are such a blessing to me. I stumbled into it because I sleep and wake everyday thinking of moving back home, thinking I don’t want to be here anymore, I truly haven’t known happiness since I emigrated here. It is not the country or the people, rather it is my own perspective of the system, the culture and particularly the work ethics, and adaptability for me is more than challenging. TBH though, I have been experimenting the option #1 of this blog since 2011, it’s not working for me.
They said it takes about 5 years to settle down in emigration, it’s been almost 9 years for me, I am no where near being happy as an expat in here. How can I change my perspective on a system that hurts like trauma? As an example, my lifelong ambition is to obtain a terminal degree in nursing. As an immigrant / Expat, it took strong determination to finally enter into a Nursing Doctorate program here. But it also took one hateful professor possibly 3 seconds to destroy efforts towards attaining that goal; she failed me in her class at will. Seriously? And such is permissible. Sadly, a graduate school professor can make an exam harder just because of one student she or he dislikes, and then exclude that student while favoring other students in the class. Even doing exam reviews, as well as answers or grade adjustments to his or her favorite students, worst still, it seems these education atrocities are allowed. I perceive these and many more worst experiences as worse than war turn countries, and makes changing my perspectives here difficult.
The bottomline of the cited education malpractice, is that many people are left with paying student loans for a degree they have not earned…and no way out! Yes, no way out, every attempts goes round a vicious circle complex student loan system! The system supports it, the legality is all hideous, keeping defense attorneys away! I have been searching for student loan attorneys to at least help me fight this educational injustice and scams, but none want to take up such case! Looking back, such will never happen in the UK, New Zealand, or Australia, and even in other poorer countries. Relatively speaking, life here for me is harder than living in a war turn Africa. And that makes changing my perspectives on how I see things here tougher; the harder I tried the tougher it gets.
I grew up in the UK, and have raised world champions – good children out there. I owe the UK system an unquantifiable gratitude, none of my children who holds at least a Masters degree owes student loans that breaks their ability to save! But here I am at age 61 owing huge amount of student loan for unearned degree, yet there is no support to help fight such higher education scams. How then do one change perspective? Close your heart, feel the pain of this type of trauma, and just sigh “oh well, it’s happening to everyone…,”? I think that is possible if one haven’t encounter any better system elsewhere.
Option #2 is the best for those in my situation. I want to pack my suitcase, leave my illusionary life and everything else behind me, go to where life and living is real. Right now,I have a great job, a nice home, in a good friendly community, and nice car too. But one thing is still missing Joyfulness! Note: I did not say happiness, because happiness is what we learn to make happen…but Joyfulness is normally deep rooted within, you know it if you’ve got it! I need to be where Joy is! And I wouldn’t change my perspective on that! I know it’s wrong, but I couldn’t stop myself from comparing my experiences in other countries with my current encounters. So, no matter how hard I tried to fit into the complex and challenging situation, every efforts just keep bouncing back like a hard brick – against a hard wall. My awareness is heightened, I now know that this place isn’t for everyone. But, I kept forcing myself to stay in efforts to find my own joyfulness in the middle of the chaos that I have chosen! No day goes-by without thinking of leaving, but but most in my situation felt compelled to stick to option #1. That’s because we all fear the negative past experiences we leave behind, can come to hunt us like a ghost in our new destination. I personally cannot stop ruminating about moving somewhere, where there might be no electricity for weeks, but I will appreciative the lights given by the moon and sun, and will appreciate the culture embedded in happy warm culture / people. Best still, I will have no need for car / housing debts which are discreetly force on people, since there are no accessible public transportation system in many places.
In a nutshell, I have spent the last 8 years of life in sadness, being perplexed with confusion, fraustration, emptiness, loneliness, etc. The sum of which could lead to health problems such as depression and feelings of hopelessness, that’s if I choose to continue with Option #1! That’s why option #2 is the cream al carte of Kelly’s blog, at least for me. Why am I resisting the urge to move and follow my heart NOW?
Like thousands of other people, I feel trapped with the fear, fear based on learned experience. I.e. in my own case fear of loosing the meager social security pensions that I have been contributing over the years, I am quite close to retiring than I was when I first came here. Any wrong move might cause me financial loss. So, then I must continue with the count-down, hopefully option #2 will kick in sooner than later!
are you in cyprus?
Hi! I love your post! It very eloquently written! I loved hearing other people’s posts as well!
Here is my story. Any thoughts from the writer or readers are welcome. I would appreciate your input!
I moved to Athens, Greece from Chicago, IL in July of 1999. Even though I am Greek-American, I still had a lot of adjusting to do when I first came to Greece. I was negative and cranky for a while, in the beginning. Fear was my number one enemy. Fear of the unknown. Fear of failure. Fear of uncertainty. After I came to terms with this fear, I started thinking more positively and enjoying myself. Perspective is everything, for sure. I became happier.
I worked as an English teacher in a language institute for 10 years here in Greece. At the beginning, things were pretty satisfying. The pay was good for about half the years I taught there. I was happy. Overall, I was a great teacher and worked very hard but towards the last five years, I was underpaid and unappreciated by the owners. The only thing that kept me going were my students. I was unhappy. I was miserable.
I then had a baby and quit. I was happy again! I haven’t regretted quitting. I realize how unhappy I really was in that job. I just don’t know why I stayed at that stagnant job so long. I am happier now as a result.
In 2016, I got another job but as soon as I accepted the new job, I got pregnant, so I withdrew my job application. I lost the baby a couple of days later. I was torn. Then my father-in-law passed away, to make matters worse. My mother-in-law’s Alzheimer’s was progressing. I live in a cramped apartment of 50 square meters. It’s too small for a family of three. Our daughter of four still sleeps in the same room as we do. We have no room! I am still miserable. I just found out I am not pregnant, when I hoped I was. Overall, I am a happy-go-lucky person. The things that keep me going are my family, my parents, my sister in the US and her boys, my friends, my online teaching job. But sometimes it’s so hard to be happy.
I want to be that happy-go-lucky person again. I don’t want to keep crying every day.
Sometimes there are tangible problems we have in life; happiness and satisfaction are not always a matter of perspective. It of course helps to be have a positive perspective.
My problems are largely financial. We are stuck in a small apartment, next-door to my sick m-i-l, listening to her fights with her other son, trying to prevent her from calling the police because her (deceased) husband is missing, etc. Obviously, if I had more money, I would leave this prison in a flash! I would be happier if I could leave. I would just want to change apartments or move to a smaller city.
Anyway, perspective will play some role in determining where my family and I will end up in the future as the more positive I am, the more motivated I will be to move out. So, I will work hard to find different ways of making money to get out of this hole. So, there are a combination of factors that change our perceptive.
Wow honestly I’m blown away by this thread. For me you’ve hit the nail right on the head. I’ve lived in Manchester England most of my adult life and for many years I’ve been visiting the coast and I’ve fallen in love being there and I also I have family up in Scotland and when I’m having a sad day, my mind wanders and thinks of packing up and moving on but the grass is not always greener. I’ve got a job and a roof over my head but not many friends but truth is, I’m a bit of a loner anyway. I think you’ve answered my prayers and as you say, start seeing where I live as a nicer place to live and stop being so negative. Thank you so much for what you have written. I think I now know what I have to do and that is just to visit more places like the coast but try and enjoy what I have back home .One thing I know in life is that when I eventually retire, I will move to the coast and live the rest of my days there. Thank you once again and good luck to everyone else who might be going through the same predicament.
Hello! I truly hate where I live been here 2 years and I thought it would get better it’s just getting way worse! Moved here due to my husbands job he claims this is the only place paying welders top dollar. We bought a house in a crappy town that is boring nothing to do at all. I have 2 small children. I miss my mom and dad in tenesseee I sometimes think about moving back and getting a job cause I hate it here so much. I know if I leave this crap hole Louisiana to go back home it might be a divorce because my husband already says he will not do long distance. Not sure what I’m gonna do but I hate Louisiana it’s the worst place I ever lived!
Wondering what you decided? I’m in a similar situation
Like we’re all supposed to know who “Lee” is.
I finally came to Gris that some places are better than others. Some places woolen are more welcoming. I have grown and my perspective has changed. I don’t like Florida and it doesn’t like me. I will not try anymore to make IT work. I was told ba a family member “of it doesn’t work leave” she also said that things don’t have to be horrible to leave.
It’s pretty easy to imply from context.
I don´t know which bar you went in Spain in 2014 but in 2014 smoking in bars/restaurant was and still be forbidden LOL
It’s somewhat ironic that you used Banff as an example that is exactly where I want to move back to after living there for over ten yrs. I am currently in a beautiful part of Ontario that everyone loves which is fine but I’m done! It’s not for me- the mountains and lifestyle are always on my mind. I tried in the last year to stay grounded and I do pretend I’m a guest here and that’s also easy since I have a BnB here-the unfortunate part now is I feel stuck since my kids are 6&8 and my husband won’t move now. I can’t leave them and I take at least two trips a year back but it’s that feeling that just won’t leave. Life’s too short to not fully do what you want … but I’m in a situation where I need to take the back burner for a bit and it’s sucking my soul. Maybe I’m selfish!
Hey, I’m stuck in Florida with tourists, snow birds and spring breakers!!! 91,000 more retirees are moving here.
I want out but I am from Canada, brrrr!!! What is one to do????
From reading how miserable everyone is I realize I don’t have any problems. Rent out my condo on the river and travel!!!!
Thanks for the letters.
My husband and I have lived in several places and never satisfied. We do get involved but never feel at home. Our plans now that we are retired, go back home, deal with the cold and purchase a small condo and travel a little. Life is much shorter after one retires, so a small condo and little traveling.
Perspective ? Attitude ? Really …..:) I am from Ahmedabad India…a place of communist …Where if you are Muslim you won’t be able to Buy or Rent House or Shop in their area…..I have traveled 10 countries UAE IRAN IRAQ OMAN UK EGYPT SAUDI ARABIYA KENYA TANZANIA…..i am always in dilemma where to live peaceful life and equally earn good money …at last have settle in the place where i don’t like in Ahmedabad due to property and responsibility to raise the children and look after old age parents….Now about the article one point is great for me “Pretend you are a tourist” and i hope this will give some fresh outlook about the place i don’t like….
dr_mack@( yahoo. ) com…… restored my relationship, my boyfriend came back to me, i took him back and I am now settled with my him ..?????
My issue with where I live is mostly the weather. As an example, it snowed last Fall before the end of October, and this year we’ve had snow on April 19. That’s nearly 6 months of winter weather. In the summer, we are right in the path of almost every major thunderstorm system that zips through the Ohio valley region. I lose electricity several times a year, mostly in summer thunderstorms. We have floods in this area frequently, and my own garage has had 2 feet of water in it twice in a 3 year period of time. It rains on average 150 days a year – in the summer it’s those hot muggy days with 1 or 2 gully-washer thunderstorms coming through almost every day from late June to early August. In winter and spring it’s chilly, gray and drizzly 4 or 5 days a week. In lucky years, we have a dry September and early October and I live for Labor Day, hoping to get 4 or 5 weeks of nice weather to tide me over for another year. I am trying to re-locate. I won’t move till I find a job elsewhere and I apply to about a dozen jobs in other states every month. I can’t just quit and move without a job to go to because my area is also economically depressed, and it will probably take months if not a couple years to sell my house.
The illusion that we are all simply free to pick up and leave any time we want is a myth. Economic reality makes slaves of us all.
I have lived in Los Angeles for the past 12 years. I moved here at the tender age of 22, and I have gotten so much out of it. During that time I had many experiences, many different jobs, and constantly searching for a wonderful relationship (that’s been the hardest challenge thus far). Here’s the irony: I finally met a wonderful guy, and I am 6-months into the best relationship I have ever been in. He just moved to Los Angeles last Fall (yes, we met right when he moved here on the recommendation of a mutual friend) to begin a career as a professor.
So here’s the catch: I have always planned to eventually leave LA, and move somewhere with more trees and less people. I feel strongly that I am ready to leave – I’m over it. I’ve gotten what I need out of Los Angeles and the increase in rent costs and everything else, increase in traffic (unbelievably, its gotten MUCH worse in the last decade, and it was already terrible!) make me feel weary. I literally have a kind of “City Fatigue” and I wake up every morning somewhat depressed that I am surrounded by it. However, I love this man and I feel like the relationship is important, people are not just replaceable. Why would I end a really supportive, healthy relationship?
I’m 34 and starting to feel like that time in my life to try out new cities, and have exciting experiences is dwindling. I don’t feel like I belong in LA anymore, on so many levels – will I be happy if I never tried living in Portland, Seattle, Boulder, or somewhere else? But because of his job, my boyfriend is definitely looking at 4+ years in LA to not only succeed in a career he has worked incredibly hard for, but to preserve his reputation in the field (you don’t just take a professorship and leave in a year because you don’t like the town).
Any thoughts from anyone? Glad I found this post, and its been nice to see what others have shared, here.
You know I do truly understand the dilemma I lived in Florida for 3 years and did not make not one solid friend the ironic thing is when I moved away to Virginia I became closer to the one friend I did make. And what I also found out is that hindsight is always 20/20. I don’t regret leaving Florida but I do miss it but I know that I can never go back because of the reasons why I left. I left to be closer to family I was 10 hours away from the closest family member my grandmother is aging and I wanted to be there in her last year’s too I wasn’t making enough money to enjoy my life there as much as I wanted to. My suggestion to you is move on and if you don’t like where you end up and if your relationship is really strong you can always rekindle the spark. But I wouldn’t sacrifice my my life for a person because at the end of the day you have to be for filled. You can evolve your life around the location but you also can evolve your life around a person it has to be a balance. You have to decide what is the most important things to you that you cannot live without. Because maybe going to a different place you might realize staying in a place you’re tired of for one person is not enough multiple people maybe more better of a sacrifice but not one person. And if you struggled making friends for so long and that place then I would say that’s a little lopsided to stay for that one person that you found and maybe the next place you go you’ll have multiple people you’ll have options of friends boyfriends and create and then creating your own family. But I don’t think one person would be enough because that just means that there’s a hunger there that wasn’t satisfied before and now you have it but he’s really not the end or bill because then if it doesn’t work out your back to not having anybody so when you have more than one you have options more than one friend not necessarily a boyfriend
Well DesignerD it’s been almost 4 yrs. Since you posted this. IF he’s a great guy you need to stick it out until he can move. Provided he WANTS to move as well, we left CA.cuz we couldn’t afford to stay.
I dont think anyone is every 100%
Happy anywhere. Best wishes
I think this is true of many people, and I’ve certainly harped on people for always thinking their problems magically “go away” if they just moved, but there is the flip side to the coin where sometimes some places simply suck for your personality. I acknowledge where I am (Portland, OR) is great for many people, but I think those people are crazy. The constant clouds and rain make it nearly impossible to want to leave the house most of the time, so I have no desire to hike or even go anywhere and do anything most of the time. I’m stuck here because of my girlfriend for about two more years, but thankfully there’s an end in sight. It all depends on what you find desirable in a place. If you love green and you don’t mind rain, and you’re extremely liberal, don’t mind crushingly high taxes, everything closing by 9 p.m., and boring suburbs, then Portland is your ideal place. As someone who wants more excitement, sun all of the time, doesn’t care about schools, wants low taxes, and enjoys swimming often, my ideal city is Las Vegas (also because of its proximity to Los Angeles, the film industry). Nowhere is perfect, everywhere has negatives, but I also think it matters that “your people” are found in abundance where you live. I never meet anyone in Portland who is not a liberal snowflake and for me, that ruins the place. I have nothing in common with these people whatsoever, I hate the weather, and you can’t change those things. You can make the best of your situation, you can enjoy good meals almost anywhere, you can find activities, but I’ve lived here most of my life and done most everything you can do, none of which I find that satisfying. Summers are gorgeous, but they’re too short and not worth the price of the entire year of bad weather. This article presumes that being a tourist and just passing by is something like living there, which it isn’t. Even aside from that, tourist stuff in Portland sucks. I hated Los Angeles too, but at least I can acknowledge that as a tourist it’s pretty awesome, there’s tons to do, there is overall very good weather (not as great as portrayed, but for the US, it’s good), and it’s a fun city. I think the biggest problem living there is the cost of living is so high, I found myself unable to afford much of the “fun” things the city offered. I also met nobody to experience them with as the city is full of some of the fakest, most rotten to the core individuals you’ll ever meet anywhere. It’s like a magnet for narcissists.
I moved from Las Vegas to the Houston area about a year and a half ago, I just can’t grasp why I haven’t left and gone back to Las Vegas. My wife says she likes it here but I am miserable. My blood pressure has gone up and even after seeing a cardiologist and having them adjust my medication it still isn’t going down. I feel like I’m doing time in a place that I don’t want to be in. I don’t dislike Texas or the people here, I really just don’t understand them. People down here in my opinion have no grasp of reality. I went to work for the same company that my wife works for because it seemed like a nice place to work. I came from the casino industry as a Table Games Supervisor and worked most of my life in table Games as a dealer. I’ve met people from all over the world and have learned the ways of so many different cultures. It was very fulfilling. But I got bored living there and found myself nagging about wanting to get out of Vegas. But I’ve found the hard way that you don’t know what you got til it’s gone. We moved one other time to the Nashville area from Las Vegas for a few years to try something new and it was pure MISERY! I almost had a nervous breakdown living there. If you are not from the south and move to the south from the West or East coast then they will not hire you. You are the enemy. I eventually found work there but it just didn’t work out. Again my wife says she loved it there but she was making $12 an hour and I couldn’t find a good paying job. But now she makes decent money and I as well amaking decent money, but I miss Las Vegas with all my heart and soul. I’ve tried to make it work here but the humidity is killing my joints and my allergies are worse here than any place that I’ve ever lived. I also get treated like crap from my employer and my wife also gets treated horrible at her job. But she says she loves it here and when I ask her to please write down exactly what she loves here she gets defensive and says she won’t go back to Las Vegas. I feel like my life is spirrilng out of control and keep hearing the song all my ex’s live in Texas. I wish I could like it here but I won’t be happy until I go back, but I fear that won’t be with my wife. I love her and I love Las Vegas. What to do, what to do.
One thing you are exactly right about when you leave from the East and go south it is a different world a different mindset of different mentality. However in my experience I moved from New York to Pennsylvania to Florida each one or different the one place I do not miss is Pennsylvania. When I left Florida I’m now in Virginia although I thought Florida people thought backwards very non Progressive way of living thinking working. I miss it. And what I’ve learned from leaving it that I miss about it as that no matter where I live I got to live within 20 minutes of the beach. I also learned that I love Florida because any time of day or night any time of year I don’t have to weight for a vacation I can just always go to the beach when I’m having a bad day I can go to the beach if I just want to sit outside and not be cooped up in the house I can go to the beach and just sit there and listen to the waves. What you said is you try new things and you haven’t liked any place but now you want to go back to where you came from. I would use this place and I don’t know how long. But I Everyday you might surprise yourself and find something you really like but if you keep saying how much you hate a place you’re never going to see nothing good about it. And the biggest point I would like to make you will never get over your last place of living working or the last person you’ve been with if you keep comparing. You cannot move to a new place and compare it to where you came from you will never adjust never never never. Think about all the places you lived think about what you learned about it about yourself what do you like what do you have to have. Because if you’re not learning about you and what you have to have and what you need to be content then you’ll be moving all over the country and you’ll never be happy
I appreciate you’re insight and I’m happy you’ve found peace where you are. I have family that I haven’t seen since we moved coming in and we are going to San Antonio to see the sights. I hope after seeing them and seeing some of the cool things in San Antonio that I will find some happiness here. By the way I’m a huge Dolphins fan.
Everyone in Florida is from the north and 1,000 are coming to this state every day. It is over crowded, too much traffic and too hot….the hurricanes are horrible and when everyone gets here to experience them they will not know what to do!! Stay north please…..I.am TRYING TO GET OUT!!! Also leprosy is on the rise in Brevard county…the armadillos poop in your yard and gardeners are breathing it in. Stay away!!!!!
Not everyone is from up north, I am a 9th generation Floridian, I hate that my state has been turned into a snowbird shit hole. Most of my friends are also natives. We would love to put a no vacancy sign at the state line.
This is something I’ve encountered as well, and it’s applicable to many areas of life. Thanks for sharing.
There are a couple other factors that were not mentioned that and attitude adjustment might not remedy, bad neighbours and development. I felt grateful growing up in Greektown. It was close to downtown (Toronto) and had a vibrant nightlife with charming homes. Then it became a trendy area and they developed the crap out of it. It lost it’s identity and while the infrastructure crumbled. Time to move
We used to have a cottage around Georgian Bay so we decided to move up there full time. And for 17 years it was a great move for our lifestyle. Plenty to do outdoors and very friendly people. But my dissatisfaction has reoccurred which is how I’ve stumbled onto here. All around me, the treed lots are being cleared and the cottages torn down, build build build all around. The people who lived here are moving out and the new people have the charm of a wet fart (and don’t get me started on the rude and noisy mass infestation on long weekends). My new neighbours elevated their land 8 feet and then tried to dump their downspout water onto my property, charming. After already talking to them about it they tried to sneakily do it again so the township came and gave them an earful, they blamed the builder. Now they are at it again and I want to put their heads through a wall. Moving is probably the wiser choice.
I wish I had the get up and go that you and Lee seem to have though instead of only reacting to things once they have already fallen apart. Nothing lasts forever, something I still can’t seem to accept.
I left Florida and move to Virginia to help take care of family. Since leaving I realize there are certain things that I really miss about Florida and two of them arethe beach and the year-round weather. I miss being easy going with dressing. I realized i don’t miss fall as much add i thought. I also muy going to the beach any day and not having to wait for summer. I have made friends here quicker and people are friendlier. I live closer to family but i also realize I’m still theone driving to them. No one calls me. I want to go back but the money and jobs are not there. Also the beauty of the sky is covered by trees here. I feel confused and wonder will i ever find that place.
Great article. I totally feel the same and I have an immediate family member who hates every place we ever lived (and every job she ever had) and is now pressuring me to move to the next place she thinks willsolve all her problems. But I know it will not work and would be a big financial risk for the family. As soon as the novelty wears off, she will begin raging about how she hates the new location. I wish there was a way for such a toxic person to change.
I also wwishi could have somethings from Florida in Virginia. The oceanbeach and the sunset and sunrise. The people are friendlier and welcoming. Sometimes i wonder if thin gs didn’t work out due to timing. Had i had everything i wanted there it would have been harder to leave to take care of my grandmother.
I have never liked my hometown. It’s one of the coldest cities in America, and I have a severe intolerance to the cold. I was lucky enough to get out a few years ago but unfortunately I had to move back, and it’s been absolutely miserable. I can’t “act like a tourist” here because this is not a tourist destination and it’s winter six months of the year, my least favorite season because I can’t stand being cold. There are no Art Deco skyscrapers to make up for the crappy weather. No baseball team. There are none of the stores I like to shop at. I can’t dress the way I like to because of how cold it is. Everything that interests me is elsewhere. All the things I don’t like are here. Oh, why don’t I move? Because I don’t make enough money to get out. So there’s my negative perspective. You can call me negative all you want, but I can assure you, I wasn’t negative when I lived in a big beautiful city that had things I love in it. I KNOW where I want to be. I just can’t afford to leave. The ONLY reasons I have for not being in utter despair are my boyfriend (who doesn’t even live here and is willing to relocate with me to somewhere warm), a certain local salsa that isn’t available in other cities, and an old gas-station sign from the ’60s that brings me a modicum of joy whenever I see it. My mom and brother are the only family I have here anymore, and they don’t like this place any better than I do. So what do I do? Remember, I can’t afford to move, and my negative perspective didn’t move with me to KC. It got left behind in GF. It was still here waiting for me when I grudgingly returned.
I have actually moved from a northern city to a rural town near Accrington, to embrace the change in setting and be near family but I am struggling to settle here after a year and a half. I can see all the positives and I am doing all the things i should, volunteering, joining clubs, inviting my kids school friends and parents over etc, etc.. However as much as I can see its a great place to live I am struggling with the small town mentality and admire that you can look past this.
Some people here have no interest in cultures or interests outside their small world. My child is picked on because she is into “different” stuff to the other kids. She is picked on because she has healthy lunch boxes…(I am not talking sprouted mung beans and humus, more like egg salad and no chocolate bars!). It doesn’t help that the only school place available was at a Catholic school, which has a strong community and most of the parents went to the same school, I am not religious! I am worried that these influences will rub off on my children and they will be closed minded and unadventurous. The whole point of moving here was to raise them in a better area, i just didn’t expect everyone to be like this.
I have done the whole treating it like a holiday…and it rains…a lot, as you probably know. So i am running out of money to treat every weekend like that! Ha ha I am impressed that you have from Canada and still love it around here!!
As someone who has moved every 15-36 months for the last 20 years, I think I have a pretty positive and open mind. I have not liked everywhere I have lived, but I knew it was temporary and could always travel to get away. I explore like a tourist as soon as we move somewhere new. Now we are stuck on a small remote island in the Pacific. I am not a fan of this place at all. The tactics I have used in the past to deal with depression and unhappiness are no longer available. This is a fish bowl where everyone knows everyone else’s business. There are no more “road trips” or hopping on the plane for a weekend away. (Due to time, distance, and financial constraints.) We are military and have a 3 year tour. I feel trapped. I’m desperately looking for ways to stay positive but I’m sinking further into depression everyday.
Mel, I visited the Marquesas and the Tuamotos and imagined what is would be like to live there–especially since I had hoped to sail to them someday. Instead, I visited on a tramp steam and these islands are among the remotest int he world. I live now in a rural setting with 2.5 people per square mile, and an aged population–though I am a “young-hearted” 62-year-old man. You have something great going for you: an end date to your living there. You will be able to leave at a fixed time. That’s what to focus on–and delight in where you might be able to go or be posted to next. The action of learning about your next place or planning where it might be if you are able to (the military has its own mind, I know), then that is a place to find hope. Also, I know from my own depression, that exercise really helps. Just taking a walk outside for 15-20 minutes when you are down, can result in an immediate uplift. Even if its a rainy tropical afternoon cloud burst, walking in it can be very helpful. Godspeed on your time in “paradise.” Hal S.
This was a GREAT article, and I enjoyed reading people’s comments as well. I lived in one of the most beautiful places in the world, Sedona, AZ, and I still managed to be miserable. There were pros and cons, just like anywhere else. But the negative things seemed magnified and I barely noticed the positives. I realized that most of my problems are because of my own attitude, not the externals. I still don’t recommend moving to a tourist destination, however! As the saying goes, “great place to visit, wouldn’t want to live there.”
I have lived in Pennsylvania Florida now North Carolina right before here Williamsburg Virginia. I know I started my initial comment and previous replies living in Florida and hating it. After living in the last two states of North Carolina and Virginia I realized what’s important to me and what I need. But I also realize 90% of it is me. As they say hope deferred makes the heart sick. So although I have a certain things where I live maybe part of the things that make me happy but even with those things I have to take deeper and learn how to be at peace. The things that I found are more most important to me is90% being warm Flatlands to see the sunset in the sunrise and the beach. Most of my family is on the East Coast so California is not an option on top of the expense. Low paying wage in Florida is not great but with those things that I listed they are important and I can live with everything else. What I thought was important was people family and after moving around I realize everyone has their own life and a lot of times because they’re not used to you being there they don’t know how to involve you unless they need something. And besides that I don’t like being cold not even the least bit. I don’t like waiting until summer time to go to the beach and waiting for the weekend or having to travel an hour or two. I prefer to live with in 5 minutes be able to go everyday any day if I’m having a hard day not having to schedule it so back to Florida I go. I also learned that some states are more Progressive than others and Florida is not one of them and what I’ve learned about non-progressive States is there taking a stand on what they want and who they are catering to and they’re not just being blown by the wind with every Trends. You have the respect that because constant change of trying to keep up gets to be annoying in the thing you love end up leaving because there’s no longer a trends. Having a reliable place where they like it or not I find it to be somewhat comforting as opposed to an ever-changing ever-growing is kind of like a person who’s lost trying to find a way back home. And some places already know where their home is and they like it the way it is
I like that you offer “permission” for someone to move. This is good, along with the advice to try and love the place first. I am in that spot right now, after living fulltime in my vacation hideaway for 3 years–working as a parttime consultant. But with just 2.5 people per square mile, social interaction is limited, the social institutions mostly populated by women over 70. I am 62 and a male, and while my summer home was great for escaping the city and my work, it’s not where I can thrive. So, I’m looking at the real estate ads and know that I am likely to be a stranger wherever I might end up…and that is hard to imagine, too. I have made some efforts to interact, but the county is hugely conservative and made up of Trumpsters–which just about defines the place. Any thoughts?
i moved from Austin, Texas to Brooklyn, NY to be with my daughter and her 4 year old. it’s been one month and i feel lost and displaced. i had a quiet, super tidy and brand new spacious apartment and i drove everywhere. i had long time clients that i had to hand over to another company. i hate cold weather and i hate dirt, disorder gives me anxiety. i am a practicing christian who is not very into showbiz and fashion. we agreed to do this for a year until she gets in the position to transfer to Atlanta. i am going to join a church that i like very much and should start my job in three days… but i am sad most of the time given the constant set of instructions i get to learn how to live here and how much i miss my friends and my town. every morning my first thought is… how can i go back home today? but i realize people are in much worse situations. i guess my discomfort comes from the monumental lifestyle change and feeling like the oddity. i hope that life gets a bit more tolerable before the bitter cold gets in. reading the different situations and approaches did help a lot… thank you for sharing!
New York City is fucking garbage.
My hometown is an international Haven for people food and style as well as transportation. There is no place like it. I have lived in a few places and I miss the diversity. With that being said I couldn’t live there now. I couldn’t live in any City now. But I do miss some things about it.
I moved to a small picturesque mid west town because it was quiet and the people were nice, and the biggest point of all, I could afford to buy a small house with a settlement I got. I’ve been here for 9 yrs. One acquaintance told me she’s been here 20 yrs and is still an outsider. But at least she moved here with a family, so she has them.. Used to, I could walk to the post office or even the small down town, at night, but now theft is so rampant because town is overtaken by drugs, they’ll come right up to your front porch and steal anything they can carry. Or a car out of your driveway. Like mine. The police never seem to catch anyone. But small towns have the cops they can afford to support. Now I’m stuck. People need to make sure they are able to move back out of where they settle if things degenerate. I can’t.
Although I understand with the way you see things but I feel like the way you portray it as if , even if one does not feel happy in their country , they have to make do with the country and yes probably go for a temp work abroad for abit / backpacking then come back and ???. I have a couple of things to address . Sometimes its not about shifting perspective or exploring your country , but the country is just not fit the right fit for you no matter what you do . I say this from personal experience . I NEVER felt belonged in the country I was born in , not even for once in my life . I dont align with the people , the values , the dogmas , the traditions and the way of living / lifestyle . The more older I get the more I do not understand the culture and beliefs , heck , staying here makes me feel stuck and miserable . So one day I took a trip of a lifetime to a country in Europe because I fell in love with someone there and stayed for awhile and slowly I started feeling like I finally belonged , the people , the values , the way of living , the freedom , the culture = me . Yes , they are some things I dont like but we are humans after all , nothing comes to our liking 100 % . Even the national anthem spoke to me really well and so I made the decision to move permanently after I complete my studies – in between I visit the country yearly . So the idea of rediscovering the place you stay as if its the first time and trying to make do with it does not work when you can’t align with the place . We dont owe anything to the country that we were born in to stick out with it and sacrifice our lives trying to see what can it offer when you already sick of it .
* is just not the right fit for you
You said it and explained it very well. If it is a person who knows who they really are and what they like, as well as what they want to do, then it won’t be them but it will indeed be the place. Don’t be in denial or keep trying, because it would end up being the scenario of trying to keep doing something or a formula that just doesn’t work. Me, born and raised in Toronto, Canada, besides the place being overrun by developers, overpriced rent and real estate, corruption, suburban mentality, no innovation and will, mass immigration, uptight sheeple, identity crisis (sorry, multiculturalism and diversity crappola is NEVER a culture and never will be) and just suffering from snowflakism and political correctness disease, I never ever was aligned with the place or its people. Then and even more now with its many crises that many of them don’t see in front of them happening. Horrible place. So moving away and finding your future elsewhere will set you free.
I have lived in 5 states. The forget I moved away from home the harder it is to accept the difference and accept any place as home. They all have something I like and dislike. I don’t know if I will ever find a home. Going back to where I’m from is not an option at all. To expensive overcrowded and I’m not the same person I was when i lived there. I was younger and more ambitious. Now I’m older and more laid back and simple life without a lot of drama or excitmentt is fine with me . I love the warm weather 90 percent of the time and near a beach. Major problem is lack of good paying jobs.
Yes, you’re right even if I hate to admit it. But sometimes a place doesn’t fit you, be it the people, the culture, the food, weather or anything else. And sometimes you don’t have a choice in the matter. You may have to go for your job, or perhaps you’re a teen/child who hasn’t a say in the matter.
Sometimes you just can’t like a place no matter how you try. There’s also the fact you must find a new doctor. New school, etc.
For some of us, that’s difficult. Some of us (Scorpios) don’t trust to many people. If I had to move I’d either keep my doctor and/or stop going to them (again). I don’t have a lot of friends anyway, nor is my family close knit, so my doctor, who happens to be a friend too, is one of two ppl I’d actually miss. I always said I wasn’t interested in finding new friends at college. In 5 years I made one friend but we no longer talk.
I’d sooner sleep in a tent every night. At least the stars don’t change.
But nonetheless, you’re right. Negativity holds you back. Sometimes it’s just who you are. Just try to muddle through and cling to old favourites. When the eating got adventurous, I went to Dollar tree and bought canned a spaghetti-o’s. It helped. Still does. I don’t eat most food though… Lol
Seriously, learn to love your horrible country or move?
You are so privileged that you don’t even realize how cruel is life for others.
I’m from Chile, we are being figthing against 30 years of neoliberalism for the past weeks. I’ve always hated here but I can’t just move from this developing country bc I barely have enough money for food, I work my ass off, I can’t remember the last time a took vacations, I studied a lot, I have two careers, one is very well paid for my shitty country standard but still I have student loans, there are no green areas on most of the city, it’s polluted, architecture is poor, the few pretty things to see are where the 1% rich ppl live.
As it’s a relatively young country 200 years aprox our culture is poor, I dream with living on Japan, China or Korea, I wish I were born there, but as I’m poor and my degrees are useless outside my country my only way in is to marry someone and get spouse visa, but I’d rather die than become some random dude slave
You seem to have missed this paragraph:
“Of course, I’m not talking about people who are living in war torn communities in the developing world, as they actually have legitimate reasons to be unhappy where they are. I’m talking to those who live in nice town and cities in the developed world and constantly complain about their surroundings – without making any effort to change their attitude or move.”
She’s right though, you do come across as privileged, and your attitude stinks. Just look at the level of empathy for her situation in your reply- almost sociopathic.
Of course I have empathy for her situation. I literally acknowledge in the article that she has valid reasons for being unhappy where she is AND valid reasons why she can’t move.
I’m saying that this article isn’t about her or directed toward people in her situation. It’s about people who DO have the privelege to move, and choose not to.
My husband and I are from Illinois and recently moved to Montana because his mother got engaged and moved here. It is a beautiful state with a lot of wonderful people who are down to earth and drenched in old fashioned values and integrity. However, we are an African American family and the state of Montana has the lowest population of African Americans out of all 50 states. To say the least, they are extremely lost to our culture. People are constant saying inappropriate jokes, innuendos and comments. They are always marveling at the “beauty” of my daughter’s “exotic features”. They constantly assume I don’t speak English and begin conversations in stores with an attitude until they realize I was born and raised in the US! My children are called the N word at school at least once a week. Could this happen elsewhere? Definitely! However, being there is such a low exposure to culture and not many other family dynamics that resemble ours, there is no support system to help overlook the bad. My husband being a Military retiree is unbothered by it and feels we should just overlook it and focus on the positives. I find myself not even wanting to go food shopping because I don’t want to deal with the ignorance. I don’t know if my husband is right or if we should seriously consider relocating.
Diana Johnson, if you see this! I would urge you to stay in Montana despite the obvious hardship on your family culturally. Believe it or not, Montana has a rich African American/black history! I would encourage you to acquaint your kids with that history, get involved with local museums, and bring more of an awareness of Western black culture to Montana. You can be a kind of pioneer yourself by reintroducing black culture to that beautiful state. I hope everything is okay and thank your husband for his service! Blessings to you!
This is a wonderfully written article. I grew up in AZ and enjoyed it for a very long time. From 25-28, my husband and I lived in MN for work. We came back to AZ after a mandatory job transfer. We don’t love it and miss MN after 2 years of being back. I don’t think moving back to MN is a good option for us, but we do have a lot of other options, which I am grateful for. Sometimes, deciding on a the hardest part. We have tried for two years to make where we are stick, but it’s more than just “liking” a place too. There aren’t a lot of jobs for me where we are, and a lack of daycare availability forced me to go part time. Since our mortgage is double what it was in AZ, this makes for an added component of hardship. And the schools and crime are much worse than we had expected. We also don’t fit in well with the people here since it is a different part of the state than we lived in before. We love lots of things about it though, and are trying to enjoy the things we DO love before we can scrounge up enough money to go somewhere different (and cheaper).
Thank you, Mandy! I’m glad you enjoyed the article.
You’re right when you say that simply “liking” a place isn’t the only factor to consider. You also have to keep in mind cost of living, job opportunities and what your quality of living would be like there.
It sounds like you have a good attitude towards the place and that you’ll be able to enjoy what you can, before you move something else that is a better fit. I wish you all the best with it!
I have made up in my mind that there is no perfect place. I also have found that in every place that I have lived there is something that I didn’t realize I loved about it until after I left. Where I am now is not a place that I love will is a place as satisfied my biggest needs. So what I have decided to do is not focus on Weir’s next oh going back to one of the places that I did like which was Florida mainly because of the warm weather and the beach but just learning to accept where I am for the moments. What I do suggest is possibly downsizing to take yourself out of the financial burden so it doesn’t add another stress factor to the things she don’t like
While I understand the concept of trying to change your perspective on you current living area, I do find it a bit condescending to A. Think that it’s based purely on perspective and not, say, how life had gone for you in an area and B. That you make no mention of the hardship one can go through by attempting to relocate.
Long story short, I grew up in Michigan. I experienced such a horrid childhood and early adult experience living here. I came to loathe everything about this place, and no amount of rethinking and adjustment could fix what I hated about the area. So I moved. I ran far away and fell in love with Portland, Oregon. Unfortunately, money is always the greater evil and I had to admit defeat and move back to where I live now or become homeless. Now that I’m back… I remember exactly why I hated living here. I want out, but it’s always down to money. While I was in Portland, I was sleeping on couches to survive, so no amount of downsizing would have helped.
Is this truly down to just perspective then?
I think the article list just wanting to encourage us to never feel stuck if we don’t like where we live. With that being said um you didn’t have to move back said Michigan you could have chosen any where else to live just by seeking a job in any state just taken a chance in try is someplace totally different and so now you can still do that take a chance find a job even if you have just enough money to get there
I live in a place where people think they are entilitled to treat you with no respect, verbal abuse you, and thumb thier noses down on you. I used to like it here, it use to have nice people, but no more. I am abused by these people everyday, and have been so depressed I no longer want to leave my house or go to a meetup group on my days off, so I end up spending the weekend alone. I go out and people stare and make remarks because I am single, I usually sit at the bar so I don’t have to get a table alone. In doing this sometimes I am overlooked and not get served due to not being coupled up. I had a man next to me with his girlfriend got served first as he was there after me. They served everyone around me but not me, finally he ask the bartender to get me a drink. again no service so I thanked the man for trying but walked out. If you are not flashy, young , have a lot of money you are treated like shit. I go hiking out of town to try to enjoy something positve. I go biking every weekend as well, these people are old retired and bitter. Employers work so hard to bring you on board but they don’t pay you what they stated they would but expect you to work 24/7. I can’t even get a new office chair that I have asked for several times, as my back is hurting from the chair that I have. But I show up everyday as expected, due to needing a paycheck. I would like to move back to Colorado unforturently it is so expensive that I can not afford it. It was a better fit for me , we were all broke and stuggling they didn’t care what you did or how much you made you were treated with respect. Employers stood behind thier employees, not here. I know no place is perfect, I just want a better quanity of life and not work 60 to 70 hours a week and not get paid what you are worth. I am working my life away just to survive.
Thank you for this article. I am having a hard time living where I do. I have lived here for 5 years now and could not have been more thankful at the time. But now I am unsure. I moved here with an ex when I was 23, we lived together for 3 years and then split up. At the time I had no where to go and my family wanted me to move back home but I chose not too because I was being stubborn and immature. I eventually found a place with roommates which is where I am currently still living after 2 years. I have then switched careers and now have a steady job with a decent income. Unfortunately, the city I live in is very expensive and hard to live on your own with just one income right now hence why I have roommates. I’m finding I have a craving for change right now more then ever. I feel like its more location then anything. I would love to live closer to family as I am 9 hours East of where they live but not so close they could just pop by when you’re in the shower lol. I find it comical in a sense because I worked so hard to get this current position I am in, giving its just a standard Admin position but sill. But now I am needing change in location. I know you can’t always have your cake and eat it too but sometimes it would be nice.
I believe in life you get what you ask for and sometimes when you get it you realize that is not all that it’s cracked up to be or that by the time you receive it you want something else and I think that’s just a part of life and I think as you get older and you mature a certain ways you adjust your priorities based on your experience you learn worst important to you and what’s not and to be honest change is good I’ve moved five times in the past 7 years and I’ve learned a lot about myself I learned about what I really like and what I don’t I’ve learned what I can do without and what I can that’s why they call it life you live and you learn
“For example, you might be a Brit who always complains about the rain, the government, the economy, etc. So you decide to move to Spain and enjoy a better life for yourself.
At first, it’s brilliant! …. However, after a while things in Spain start to get on your nerves. Every simple thing takes forever, everyone is so loud and emotional, the bars are all filled with smoke and you can never get anything done in the afternoon because of the bloody Siesta.
Soon enough, you are miserable again in your new paradise and pining for home. Has Spain changed? Nope – it’s all you.”
THIS is my husband exactly. We moved to Spain a year ago, and before that we moved within the UK because he fell out of love with where we were living, and in love with a new place. He’s now complaining about our new area as if it were hell on Earth, but we live in a nice house near the sea in a lovely town, all amenities nearby, very low crime rate, we have a pleasant garden and friendly neighbours. He just can’t appreciate it. But this time I’m not going along with his wish to move. I did before, because I was hoping the moves would make him happy, but they clearly didn’t. So it is time for a new approach. And that will start with me showing him this article.
I have replied to this blog before, Im in a conundrum. I have live in 4 states in the past 5 years. I always wanted to live by the beach. I finally left Pennsylvania after moved to Florida (never visited) My grandmother became elderly so i moved to VA with my uncle with cancer to assist with her care. Once she passed i left his home. I then moved to Charlotte where i currently live. I say this to say i have traveled as i always wanted and experienced places for unorthodox reasons. Florida is where i want to be. But it doesnt match my needs it what i want. I love the beach access year round, the beautiful views of the sky everyday is different. The hear year round. My issue is Florida doesnt pay enough to live there there isnt a market in the areas i want to live in to have options. Options are in the major cities. Once i left NY i said i never want to live in a city again. The other downside to Florida hard to make friends. How do you find a happy medium. The beach is truly my happy place. I thought when i lived in fl before i missed family. Guess what no one came to visit me when i moved closer. i ge the same amount of calls as i did when i lived far away. One thing i learned from all this moving is what i love, whats important to me and my must haves. The one thing i cant control is the job market.
Any perspectives are welcomed
My area — Vancouver, Canada — sucks because of the gender ratio. It is a very high immigration area and most of the immigrants are females who attach themselves to locals so they can move to Canada. There are simply not enough men to go around. I am not particularly unattractive but I am starting to get older and I don’t want to go through more relationship and breakups. I want a steady relationship with someone able and willing to make a commitment and that is almost impossible here. Divorce rates are through the roof. Most guys wont even live common law never mind marry because the housing costs are so high and they imagine they will be taken to the cleaners in an inevitable divorce. I don’t see any choice but to leave.
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I have been following this blog with their comment for quite some time now and I am truly amazed as to number 1 how people find this into that there are other people that feel the same way that I do. After my 4th move in for years I’ve come to some real conclusions. I’ve learned what I really like. I’ve learned one of my must-haves where I live. I’ve absolved that no place is perfect. I’ve also and willing to go back to a place that I didn’t initially love. And what I’ve learned that I didn’t like about it was that I was just disappointed based on what I imagined it would be. 4 years ago I moved to Florida and never visited. I assume things about it because I didn’t visit I was disappointed. I’ve also realized that people are not as friendly as I thought they would be. But what I did learn and found to be important to me and said I’m by the water and I live in a warmer climate 90% at a time. After getting over my disappointment. I realized that what’s important to me out of everything is being close to the water within 20 minutes or less. Also being warmed 90% of the time. I hate dresses in dressing in layers and I like to have my feet out so they are only two places in the United States I can live California a Florida Florida is more economical but California has more job opportunities. And California is also more Progressive as much as it is a Taurus date it also has concern for their residence. Florida on the on the hand it’s not that Progressive and I’ve learned from moving around I prefer replace it’s not as Progressive because things remain the same for longer periods of time. Currently living in the city of Charlotte they’re constantly trying to appease people who are moving in so they really don’t have an identity or a culture there whatever the people want. As much as I long for the days to go back to Florida I’m grateful for moving away and experiencing other places to truly teach me what’s important to me what I love what I have to have and what I can honestly do without. The only thing that is holding me up now is 1 finding a job that pays more than comfortable or to starting a business that I don’t need a job and I can go back to my home the beach
Seems arrogant to paint people with the “oh you’ve all got a bad attitude brush” but you do you. Try not to break your arm patting yourself on the back for being so enlightened…
8 I appreciate her blog and her topic and I found it because it’s this is exactly what I was looking for a different perspective on the topic of moving and finding that place where you live to call home
I’ve been here in California for 12 years now, moved from Western NY state. For the past 9 years or so it’s been pretty good living with my NY college boyfriend (here’s from California, we got married a couple of years ago) but I was always aware that buying a house out here would become a struggle. Also over the past couple of years my parents have gotten very sick (hospitalized with surgeries and needing ongoing treatments) and I had a baby. We were making the visits work so that I felt they could be a part of my life still with their grandchild. Now I am pregnant with a second and Coronavirus has made it more difficult for us to see each other. My father recently got into a motorcycle accident and I cannot be there for him. This is all devastating, and I’ve brought up numerous times that moving closer to my parents would improve my quality of life. I need them to be a part of my life more. We thought about moving my mom here but she has all her siblings and my brother and her mother (91 yo!) Back home. My father and his wife could not afford to love out here on his savings/retirement and he still plans to work. The money doesn’t translate from that area to California. My husband says he cannot just move and needs to be here for his ultimate career goals. I don’t want to take that away from him but I am suffering here too. He is suffering from my unhappiness (when I decide to show it and bring it up). This is our only thing we argue about and I’m not sure what to do.
Well eliza beth faux i was just havi g this convo with a friend where do i go? I live in Charlotte nc with same issue never intended on. Living here or being lonely. I have been also thinking is there any such thing as. Neighbor hoods that have houses two car lengths apart with individual style without hoa controllig your decisions. By tbe way my parents moved recently. At 75. Keep looming and have a pririty list know that you cant have everything. Go for it
I get where you are coming from but what do you do if despite all the positives about where you live in terms of beauty and loads of places to visit etc, the weather and climate is terrible & the area is overpopulated! You simply can’t change if it rains all the time 🤷🏻♀️ (I’m in the north west of England near Accrington actually!)
I’ve really tried to love where I live and can see the positives but just have no option to move to a better climate as I have children who love it here and are happy and settled and a husband who’s job is here and it’s where he grew up and he’s surrounded by family here….. it’s a real problem for me and I haven’t ever really settled here in the 15yrs I’ve lived here trying to get used to it! 🙈
I don’t think you can force yourself to like a place that you don’t I do think though there is a fine line between liking a place or should I say not liking a place and knowing what it would take for you to like a place and I think sometimes writing a list of what does your ideal place look like what are the pros that a place would have to have for you to like it what are the cons that you can deal with that it doesn’t that it won’t have that you can deal with
Attitude is NOT everything! Sometimes you’re a fish out of water, with NOTHING in common with your fellow residents. You can’t fit in despite the efforts of everyone else to jam you into that box.
I was that person. I dealt with the Happy Mouths who adored the city, the parents who insisted we were SO lucky to live there and the jerks who insisted I was “just a sourpuss who ‘was determined’ to be miserable.”
I left 33 years ago and have no regrets. I don’t miss the people, the culture, the political mindset, the churches, the school system or the amenities. My kids visit their grandparents and cousins every summer and beg to come home within the first month.
You have to find your own place in the world, so don’t feel guilty if it is not the same as someone else’s.
Gosh, Donna, this is painfully similar to what I am experiencing living in Los Angeles. I’ve been here almost 10 years and is extremely unhappy. Up until my 7th year I realized this was NOT the place for me as I imagined. It is not of my lack of creativity as an Artist, it’s just NOT A GOOD FIT. The people, churches, homeless, layout of the homes/apartments are weird, the excessive amount of sunshine (yes, I said it) and the difficulties making authentic friendships. I don’t want to live here for the rest of my life, trying to “force” something into being that should not be. If this puzzle piece does not fit, then look for the one that does. I’ve tried changing my attitude and do the “Live like a tourist” idea. That does not always work. Although, I respect Kelly’s perspective and truly think it applies to some people, just not for everyone.
Thank you Donna for your comment. I no longer feel like a sourpuss in LALALand aka, land of fallen angels.
i moved to AZ almost a year ago. In November, it is now October, in a few days, and I have yet to see a cloud in the sky. Summer was excruciating, 115 degrees since May. I cant get away from the sun. It beats down on you for over 12 hours a day. I prefer cloudy days to sunny one. I despise the heat. I really feel like I have Sun Saturation Depression. I can’t escape the sun. No shade. No trees. How does one handle this? Move right? Every day is harder and harder and temperatures are not coming down. I am desperate.
Big mistake moving here, the only good thing, there is no traffic (coming from Atl).
I know attitude is alot but not when you cant get away from something you dont enjoy, the sun.
Annie, I’ve experienced the same thing moving to Los Angeles. I am from a city/state/region that has all seasons. Although, I moved here partially for the sunshine, I had no idea the effects it would have on my mood. Might I suggest you take weekend trips to a place out west that have other weather climates? It could help balance things out for you. Also, I look/listen to ASMR videos on YouTube of rain, thunderstorms, snow/blizzards. It actually helps. I know these are small suggestions, but they can warrant great improvements in your mood. Just until you move to another climate. I hope this helps..
Same here in Malta .So hot & very humid especially in Aug , Sept’ .Cope by having several cold showers a day & changing clothes up to 4 or 5 times as they just get wet .Air con has to be on all through the night as it still stays at 35 c, o ly 10 degrees less than the day .Just had first rain in 7 months .Miss trees & fields , I originally lived in UK , in the country side .
I agree with Donna K, sometimes you just don’t fit.
I moved from Montreal to Vancouver because my wife wanted to get out of the snow (she’s from a warmer country originally). I just hate it here. I dislike the culture, the attitude, the lack of depth, and the complete misunderstanding of what the country is about. It is full of people that want to move to Canada for the security but don’t want to face the cold. Unfortunately, winter is a defining anchor for what it is to be Canadian. So you basically have a growing population of people who will never see eye to eye with the rest of the country. I think this means trouble down the road.
I think that your identity and how you belong to a place is way more important than the restaurants. The authors perspective of playing the tourist in your own city by going to restaurants is clearly a British Columbian perspective.
Thanks for reading!
I love this article! We try to treat our city like a travel destination. About once a month the family and I try something new (usually free) that we haven’t done before. Last month we drove the Pacific Costal Highway! It was fun. I think it’s always good to go out and try discovering something new. It keeps the mundane exciting.
We moved to Malta from UK .The life style is very relaxed , we don’t work or have any financial commitments .I had the mind set that I’m not on holiday which is why I presume from reading your post is why we haven’t explored or had days out etc .I have no friends , etc .We live here but I feel that we are not living here .My husband bought ‘our ‘apartment using army compensation & have since learnt that if I am widowed I have no inheritance rights as a spouse .All property etc will go to his children from a former marriage , I have no sense of belonging or security .I really need to change my mind set as I’m miserable now , spending all day asleep & being awake all night , not going out even to the small shop across the road .I understand things are very different here : no online shopping , shops are expensive if I can find UK products & choice is limited .Everything breaks after several uses .The island has become an ongoing construction site , more corrupt , dirty & noisy .My friends back in UK think I’m living the dream & would swap with me I’m sure .I just hope we do move at some point but know there are not many places where the cost of living is as reasonable as it is here at the moment .
I hate where I live which is also right outside of my hometown. I have moved to 3 suburbs around it and still hate it lol. I compare it to a dark cloud! The people here are not nice. I have tried to make new friends and it’s just never worked. Hopefully one day I can move away, currently only here because I have my teen boys in a good school. My husband hates it here too just not as bad as me. So cheers to vacationing to happier places!
I was born and raised in Seattle. The weather here severely affects me. I’ve been battling severe depression for about 6 years now. Often days i dont even get out of bed, and maintaining a job is difficult. The only time I feel confident enough to leave my house is in the summer time, which is barely 2 months around here. The rest of the year I’m home alone and order delivery. I legitimately hate this place, and wish I had a way out. I dont have the credit or finances to simply pick up and move, but if did I feel like it would not only change my life, but possibly save it.
as a person who has moved multiple times I will tell you it’s not as expensive as you think And it’s not it doesn’t have to be as expensive as you make it out to be. If you’re willing to leave it behind are you willing to leave your stuff behind and just pick up and physically move you can start by looking for jobs whatever it is you’re willing to go and in every state there are tax credit housing that goes by your income and also while you get yourself established in an apartment if you find a job you can stay in an extended stay hotel I feel the place out when you are really tired of being Where You Are you will find ways it’s a matter of what you’re willing to let go of to do it. Are you willing to let go of the sadness are you willing to let go
I’m sorry you hate Seattle. Not that it helps, but I wanted to tell you – Seattle is the place that I would like to move to, more than anywhere in the U.S! I DREAM every week, and practically every day, of moving there. My boyfriend and Iive in Los Angeles. He moved to L.A. from Seattle for work. He is stuck living here for at least a few more years because of the nature of his job. I hate living in L.A. – I was just about to leave, but then I met him, and decided to start a graduate program, so I am also stuck here. But anyway, thinking of Seattle nearly bring my boyfriend to (sentimental) tears – the beautiful clean air, the trees and forest, the drama of fog and Northern light. I will never give up my dream of relocating to the Pacific Northwest, I ACHE to live there.
Los Angeles is sunny 95% of the year. Hot. Full of wide expanses of bright beaches, golden hills, flowers and blue skies. I wish that I could trade places with you, it sounds like you would be happy in Southern California. LA is not very affordable anymore, but there are lots of cities about an hour in any direction that are.
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I have no idea if anyone will see this after all this time, but here goes. I am 65, over my lifetime I have watched as life became more and more difficult for ordinary people. Many of these letters reflect that. Lack of money, lack of opportunities, crushing personal and health problems with no meaningful help on the horizon. Add in the well documented unfriendliness of the cultures in the South and Midwest, the total anonymity of the big cities, growing problems with corruption and bad weather (pick the type – cold, rainy, too hot, too muggy and you have described about 60% of the country) and you simply want to flee. You may have to give up on marriage, you may have to be childless, you may need to reduce your spending. The more trappings of traditional American life you have the less freedom you will have. Simplify your live and start making a plan to get to a better place. I wish I could tell you it will get better but after 50 years of a downward spiral I just don’t believe it.
I don’t know if you’ve ever lived somewhere bad, then, if you say it’s just all about attitude. Attitude doesn’t fix places where you are assaulted in the streets, attitude doesn’t fix living somewhere poverty is so severe you inhale burning trash everywhere you go. Attitude doesn’t fix, how some live, in constant fear of being shot (thankfully this one does not come from personal experience). And there have been people that have taken the concept that attitude is everything and traveled places they have been warned against only to never appear again. I left the U.S. not because my attitude was bad, but because I could not afford healthcare and could barely afford my bills working 50 hours a week. You are making a mockery of reality when you say it’s all about attitude when there are actual problems in the world.
All fine and well if you can afford it. For those of us that live pay check to pay check on a single income a vacation is beyond reach, let alone relocation. Having lived in the mire of depression and dissatisfaction so long, even going back to school seems pointless. Apathy creeps in. Now the only thing left is to be miserable and look forward to dying. Preferably sooner rather than later. I’m happy for the people that like being here, but I just can’t stand Canada.
I used to love my hometown. I used to love the river, parks and how easy it was to get from one place to the next. Heck I even enjoyed running into the same people over and over again. That is a thing of the past now. My town is no longer a town but a large city. Filled with strangers that look at me weird just because I say hi. There used to be a friendliness feel to this place. Not anymore. I lived in northern Nevada my whole life. People started moving here because it was cheaper than California. That is a thing of the past. It is so expensive to live here now. I dont run into the same people anymore. We have turned into another over populated city. I have talked with my husband about this. We have weighed the pros and cons and even though he agrees he won’t agree to moving. I believe that my whole family would benefit moving to a smaller community. I struggle everyday watching my kids grow up in such a large place. I long for a country life.
I hate where I live. The commute to work is too far, and there are no good jobs in my field closer. There is no safe place to walk outside of my immediate neighborhood, and the neighborhood is too small for a decent walk. Good restaurants and decent shopping are sparse, and most shopping trips require an hour of driving (round trip) There is nothing fun to do with my kids within 30 miles. As much as I would love to leave the state I am in and live far from here, At this point in my life, I would be happy living 35-40 minutes closer to my work. But my ex husband lives 3 miles from me, and convinced a judge that if I move, he should get full custody of my kids. So I stay in a town I hate, surrounded my my ex-husbands family and friends, because I feel the unhappiness of losing my kids would be worse than what I am experiencing now. 5 more years, and I will finally be able to make my own decisions.
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I think I’m the only one who is tired of Houston / Southeast Texas. The year-round stifling humid weather and pervasive allergies aren’t even scratching the surface.
The public transportation is worse than LA, and who thought that was possible! Hell, there’s not even any trains near the airports in this so-called world class city. Far fewer walkable areas. A sea of concrete in places other than the Memorial Villages, Memorial Park, and Buffalo Bayou Park. Yes, you have to drive everywhere, and deal with sociopathic drivers. No rules of the road, and road rage shootings happen more than any other big city. With all the talk of the arts, theatre, and the symphony being in abundance in Houston, a lot of people here would rather play with guns than partake in any of these things. Speaking of gun violence, the crime rate is very high, even compared to other major cities. In fact, there are more homicides (plus robberies and assaults) than LA, the Gang Capital of the World. Also, it’s unbelievably backwards, once you drive 20 minutes away from Downtown. Anti-immigrant (not just against “illegals” [sic]), anti-black, and anti-gay sentiments are commonplace in the shiny and new suburbs, especially places like Alvin, Kingwood, Tomball, Deer Park, and Conroe. (Tons of stereotypical rednecks in these places, too. I bet outsiders did not know that Pasadena/Deer Park was a hotbed for KKK activity up until the 90s/2000s.) Not to mention heightened racial tensions in Southwest Houston, where Asians HATE black people (and vice versa). Southwest Houston is as Trump-loving as some of the homogeneous Houston suburbs. (I know a lot of Americans love Donald Trump, but Trump is practically a pariah in the rest of the world.) And, the economy is vastly overrated, since the city is slow in growing the tech economy, and they are still having the belief that oil will make the world go round for 50 years. High unemployment and slow GDP growth (before the pandemic, of course), that’s what you call success?
What’s even worse is that you have fewer options for day trips if you want to escape the stress of the city. New Orleans is 6 hours away, on an Interstate filled with low-rent motels and all that jazz. East Texas is little better than a third-world country, and they are not hesitant to attack/kill outsiders that are in their sight. Galveston and Brazoria? Nasty, trashy beaches filled with miles of Confederate flags, not that there is a shortage within the Houston metro area as i’ve seen plenty in Fort Bend and even within the city of Houston. Cannot go to Mexico as a drug war is ongoing. Dallas is practically the exact same as Houston, but trade backwards swamp people for arrogant cowboy wannabes. Austin is Houston if you increase the amount of hipsters and decrease the crime rate and amount of Trumpsters, and then add hills and just a smidge more of green space. San Antonio is just, backwards, okay? Even moreso than Houston. And, you have to drive several hours just to get out of the Deep South. The “nature” within a 3-hour drive is just bland.
To this day, it still baffles me why outsiders move here and think that this city is the best place on Earth. Home prices aren’t cheap (at least not in the areas that are at least half-decent, anyway), and the property taxes + increasing tolls can rival high taxes in other states. And with the rising cost of living, Houston may start rivalling California cities when it comes to homelessness, since there are more homeless on the streets than, say, Chicago. Yes, it’s that bad. I’d be damned if there is even a good education school district within the Houston metro since the conversations I overhear around here are pretty shallow, if not narrow minded. No matter how many articles and boosters state how this city is a model for the nation, I’ll never be truly happy and in peace here. If this extension of Louisiana is considered the best place to live in America, maybe it’s time to haul ass out of the USA. There’s more to life than being insular and believing that states like Texas and Georgia are the greatest places in the universe; sorry not sorry, but people in this nation aren’t well travelled. I’m not sure if this country is even worth saving from so-called right-wing populist forces.
I read this article after visiting the coast for a few days. The reality is I don’t care much for Chico, California. I have lived here for over two years. I landed in Chico after losing my home in Paradise, California, to a wildfire. My family is here and I feel a little bit stuck geographically. It is unlikely I will ever move again but I dream about it all the time. I like the idea of treating my city from the perspective of a tourist, but no matter how hard I try, it is hard to ignore the long hot smoky summers. Unless you are rich and can afford your own private bodyguards and ocean front view, California is not really a very good place to live. We have continual smoke from fires, homelessness, drugs, and dirty rotten politicians. As the article points out when you visit a destination you are seeking out the best of everything and tend to miss the harsh realities.
A place can make or break you. I was forced to move from an educated city with cultures & varied types of people, to another city that is the opposite – it’s such an aggressive & prejudiced place that I struggle to survive- can’t even walk to the shop without having to deal with angry looks at best. The level of education is very low. I just can’t wait to leave. It’s such a depressing place. Not everything is about attitude- it’s often about external factors. I can’t “un-educate” myself to the same level as these people or go back in time to having an obvious sense of humour like they do. The only way I can avoid all the negative attention is to walk around wearing similar clothes & speak the same ways they do, about the same topics they do- alcohol, football- (which is not me, and would be depressing). I love the other city (educated, cultured, varied people). Not everyone who is miserable where they live would automatically be miserable in other areas. That’s just the opinion of a small minded privileged minority who haven’t experienced somewhere incompatible with them yet.
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Mate I have been so miserable were I live for the last six years it’s honestly almost driven me to suicide multiple times and I drive 87km to work because I hate the misogynistic racist sexist hellhole so much I would rather work 90 minutes away and waste $5000+ on petrol. I even pay to live in low budget motels when I can afford it because I am so *+$_ing miserable.
There is not a chance in high hell that I am ever going to “love” this miserable hellhole.
My bulimia spiralled out of control from the time moved here and when I couldn’t indulge in that I started smoking. Hell if I didn’t think it would increase the time it takes me to move away I would probably be indulging in drugs of a more illicit variety. Because happy people do drugs obviously. The only place in my mind I could want to live less is Afghanistan.
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Moved from Pa to SC . I use to vacation in SC a lot and would dread going back home (also because I hated my job at the time). Fast forward many years and my bf was down to move to sc and my parents already had the same idea for years for retirement. 5 months later and I’m very unsure about staying…my bf & I are building a house now so I feel like I might be stuck here. It won’t be done for another 5 months but I feel like I have my mind made up that I want to move back to PA. I feel like I didn’t realize what I had until I moved. Only thing I didn’t really like about pa was snow. Feeling like I really fcked up and now I’m lost at what to do.
Questions for you to ponder: Are you afraid of committing to your bf? When you are content with yourself, it does not matter where you are. Also, maybe having two residences could be in the cards. First thing I would do is talk it out with your bf, a tight couple does this successfully.
I really like the message of your article because there you were able to mirror the whole verity which people really often avoid. Your article is so inspiring and I absolutely agree with the statement that attitude is everything. It is a fundamental factor in all cases because it determines our life in a large part. There is a good phrase “It’s good where we’re not” because frequently people are not able to appreciate and be pleased with everything given by life. I think that you always have an opportunity to choose and if you really do not like the place where you live, stop complaining and undertake certain actions to change this situation. But this is true that it will not be able to make you happier because your worldview remains the same and you can’t escape yourself. Happiness is inside us and the only way to be pleased with the place you live is to look at life from a different angle, getting rid of your internal problems.
For some of us, neither option works. I hate nearly everything about where I live. The heat, the hurricanes, the floods, the ugly flatness, the culture, the politics, the guns… only the food is good. BUT our support network is here. We have 2 kids with special needs and as much as I hate to admit it, we need the help from local grandparents (which have their own set of problems). This creates a situation in which we’re doomed to live in this nightmare part of the country because we can’t do it alone elsewhere. I’ve tried and failed to even just tolerate it here. I can’t do it. And we can’t leave.
I moved to Fla from Ny and I am unhappy 😢 I cry almost everyday. I moved to Fla for my daughter n granddaughters but it looks like I don’t like the house we bought, it’s in the woods n no one is around 35 min. To get to a store. My husband likes it here n I dont. I really want to move back to Ny. I dont know if I did the right thing 🤷♀️ New York n my family n friends. If anyone can help me n tell my want to do please do
I am sorry to hear that you are unhappy.
First thing I would do is cry and grieve over your life you had in NY—let yourself feel the feelings of missing like in NY. Then, try to see if you can build a new life around your daughter and grand-daughters AND your husband. You are lucky to have at least 3 family members in the nearby area for you to enjoy life with.
Do you appreciate nature? Join a “meet-up” group in your area who like to do things you like to do. Also, I would talk this out with your husband. Can you? Is the daughter in Florida both of yours? Are you close to her?
It takes time to adjust and become part of your daughter’s life now. Will she let you?
Talk all this out with your husband, if you can. I would try and give it your best try and then, in time, if it does not seem to fit…..maybe you can your husband can move to a better house, closer more people where you can make new friends………OR, if worse comes to worse, move back to NY alone to your older friends and family.
Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold. ——-The holidays are coming up and you might be missing everyone is NY more now, too. You can always visit them when you want.
I hope my comment gives you some ideas to try.
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Great post! Attitude is everything, I completely agree. Therefore I’m not sure if my situation is an exception to the rule or not. When I first got married and we had our first, sweet baby girl 14 years ago, my little family and I were living in the northeast of the US and loved it.
The seasons are perfect, culture is rich, I clicked with the people, it was great…
However, sadly, my husband’s mom developed stage four cancer and he moved us in a mad hurry to where she and his father lived, South Florida. It was a place I swore I’d never lived. She passed away and his father struggled for some time. My husband promised me it was only temporary but a three year plan turned to 14 years here living in Florida and counting.
I’ve hated it every year.
That’s sad to me because life is short. I adore my family. But I feel a bit bitter sometimes and very gypped.
Florida is a vacation destination and yes, I have tried.
I’ve walked beautiful beaches, celebrated the holidays with Jimmy Buffet style Christmases year after year, and have tried to glean enjoyment from the sunshine state.
But I’m sad.
Very very sad.
Our kids have mounted to five and our baby we brought to Florida with us all those years ago is now 14.
Each of my kids has a important social life and they love it here. Florida is their home. Sea salt is in their blood.
My youngest is six and I’m getting older every day. I feel robbed.
I feel stuck.
I’ll work on my attitude once more and try not to cry when others post snow pics or changing fall leaves.
Life is what you make it, yes. That is true. Yet there are places life takes you that you genuinely struggle with that can leave a barrenness in your soul .
I am so sorry to hear how heavy your heart has become, that the seeming ‘betrayal’ of your husband’s intentions haven’t made you come to hate him.
It is never too late to create a new life—–with or without your husband. I hope that you aren’t so resentful of your husband that you have come to hate him and blame him. And if you have, that you either work on your relationship with him or plan to leave him when you and the children are ready. Only you can make these choices for your life.
I hope you continue to take good care of yourself, eat well, sleep well, have supportive friends and enjoy the upcoming holidays especially for your young son. —-and that when the time is right and that you are prepared, that you take that step for yourself to create the life that you deserve.
Getting psychiatric help in a pleasant, stress-free environment is quite beneficial. This, for one, is just what I require. I’m relieved, for example, that I was able to find someone to manage this matter. There is now https://www.linkedin.com/company/calmerry for this function, which has aided me on multiple occasions and I feel will continue to do so in the future if I require extra consultations. I was able to break free from a long period of lethargy and ultimately stop suffering panic episodes after following the psychologist’s instructions.
I feel like this article is too simplistic and doesn’t capture a lot of people’s situations. It’s really not so simple for some people to just learn to be more positive about their cut or move. I’m incredibly allergic to my new cut and am having to take 2 Claritin, 2 Zyrtec, 1 singular, and Flonase daily, weekly immunotherapy shots and steroid shots, Sudafed and prednisone as needed to live here. I gained 30 lbs within months of moving here and am so miserable. Everything I used to love-run, bike, etc-I can’t do as I’m not allowed outdoors most days because of my very severe allergies. I want to move so badly, but my husband is in oil and gas so that limits us to Oklahoma and Texas, generally. We have two children too so if we moved anywhere, we’d really need him to earn at least around what he currently makes.
I know you had good intentions but it can be a bit narrow to think that people can just make the best of it or leave. That may work if you’re healthy, single and unemcumbered, but when you’re dealing with chronic health issues and have others to think about, it’s hard.
The first priority in life is health. Health includes emotional, spiritual and mental health as well as physical. What good are the children getting from seeing a sick, miserable mother? What does this teach them about how parents should care for each other? How can you and your husband ‘enjoy’ each other when you are miserable?
Money is not everything. I am so sorry to hear of your experience, that said, it is giving me the strength to move, as I, too, have gotten sick in my living condition as well. I hope your husband cares enough for you to change the living situation.
I already know this from personal experience, and I’m grateful that I was able to find the correct doctors for this type of therapy. So I strongly advise you to look into it and read about it at https://drmental.org/betterhelp-review . So you may definitely have a look and get acquainted.
My favorite part of reading all the comments is learning how much Yankees hate the Southeast once they have moved here. It’s wonderful to know that our homeplace has been totally changed by newcomers who hate it and move back to where they come from, leaving our small southern towns with subdivisions and industry the locals did not want and are not stuck with. Great, lovely. I’m so excited to that I have to keep living in this once beautiful small town that is now surrounded by $350k subdivisions and gigantic, empty shipping centers. I have even joked with New Yorkers that we want to move to wherever they come from because it must be less crowded than it is here now. But seriously, ponder the irony. We didn’t ask for your beloved “progress”, y’all just decided we needed it, brought it here, make fun of us, and go figure, you STILL hate it here.
As a native New Yorker who has moved to four different states I understand where you’re coming from. What I came to the conclusion is that you don’t have a right to move somewhere and complain about it because you moved for a reason. I’ve also learned to like the non-progressive areas. Because there’s a certain loyalty reliability and dependability that that store is going to be there five years from now instead of getting used to something being year and next year is gone. However I would say to you that it’s not the people that move there that change it is the people who are already there that change it to accommodate the ones that come because they want more money because the residence are not giving them enough money from just having them there tourism is the name of the game no matter what state you live in. And tourism makes it competitive for other states to want to have certain things so people can come there. The difference is there’s two types of tourism there’s the ones that say we had this already here come here and enjoy it. That’s what Florida is like. But then you have North Carolina that doesn’t have anything to offer or so they thought they didn’t they erase all the history of what’s there any accommodate everybody that comes trying to be competitive with the other cities. And to me a state like North Carolina doesn’t know specifically Charlotte doesn’t know its own identity they don’t appreciate their own history because if they did they wouldn’t change it to accommodate other people they would promote what’s valuable there and the people who value the same things would appreciate it so it’s not the people that’s coming in who’s at fault is the residents letting it happen and not fighting it instead of the politicians that are there that are willing to do whatever to bring money in
I was brought up my whole life in Southern California. It amazes me when people say you are not a tree…if your unhappy move.
One. I am happy, but the stress of the cost of living and my reputation has made my life now a living hell.
Two. Who would want to truly leave Southern California??? Where the sun sets…and it rarely rains, beaches every where, culture…eh…but artistic world is TOPS.
Three. I can’t afford to up and leave my kids ever again. I would rather die homeless and near them than ever take a chance like when I moved to Nevada to try and settle us in after a divorce…..really bad decision.
Hence, NO I’M NOT A TREE, yes I am UNHAPPY where I currently reside due to the stressors, AND If only I was single with no responsibilities would ANY OF this article make any sense.
It’s like I could be screaming at the top of my lungs God HELP US and everyone would just look at me and my sons and say you are screwed and don’t matter.
Did did I I answer answer your your question question??
I’m not sure why this travel blog populates when you type in certain key words in Google Search, like,”I hate it here and wish I could afford to move somewhere else with my son’s”. However, I have worked for a company that specialized in SEO advanced search options on GOOGLE. Probably because of the title of your article….however I see how it’s not attracting the demographic you probably were hoping for as a Travel Blogger.
For one, my original comment was a rant in a way that made no sense to your target audience in “fitting In” and two, I see you pissed off some people in less fortunate communities, (reading some comments) coming off as an entitled American. I understand you did not ask my advice, but from someone who takes offense to this article and the way it’s worded during a mid life crisis in her petty life, typing things in Google search, hoping for a resource or article that would give her hope, I would look into paying a couple hundred bucks to a SEO company so that your gain the correct attention from that specific audience so people from war prone countries and poverty income level women being forced to be homeless or leave the state she grew up in…like myself, don’t accidentally come across your article as offensive.
At the right time, I’ll move. I’m not totally ready yet.
I *could* spend hundreds of dollars for an SEO company to better target this blog post (which I wrote 8 years ago, on my travel blog that I haven’t updated in 2 years since I haven’t been traveling due to COVID) so that it doesn’t “offend” people who it wasn’t intended for…
Or… you could simply click away and not read the blog post once you realize that it’s not for you.
The second option is free, so let’s go with that.
I don’t know why we have seemed to forget that we have choices to read listen watch what we like and turn from what we don’t. Why do some people feel the need to comment in what they don’t like as if it is someone else’s job to write create what they like when we don’t even know you? Its brain boggling to me that people choose to exercise their ability to complain instead of don’t read watch or listen.
Stfu….go get her number and suck her ass already instigating divk
Now it seems I offended you! I was simply giving you advice since I ran into your post randomly. Kind of like this entire blog….blogs are opinions and thoughts designed to target an audience for virtual conversation….and I thought maybe you were hoping to attract young traveler’s instead of angry people struggling to stay afloat in an ever changing society where inflation is literally killing them where they were raised and proud to have grown up at! If you read through your comments when I originally ran into this which was back in 2019, so not sure why it says 2022…you would notice most the replies did seem offended. An implication…yes but I guarantee there was some altering because I know I posted this comment more than two years ago. I only ran into it when I noticed it was attached to my name lookup….& I know, since you wrote so well that I read it and found it slightly offensive myself back than when I use to work for a SEO company….a long time ago. Than your reply towards my comment was even more offensive but I ain’t trippin. I’ll make sure to click away next time. I can tell when a person doesn’t value my advice or whatever.
I love your attitude, and I agree to a point. That said, we currently find ourselves in Nebraska, with no way out (housing is unaffordable everywhere and the whole economy is crap, so moving isn’t doable especially considering that we have three kids). I don’t know if you’ve ever visited this triple-landlocked slice of purgatory, but it’s the kind of place that sucks the soul and will to live and thrive out of its inhabitants.
Horrid allergies (because you’re surrounded by hundreds of thousands of acres of crops and weeds) trap people with severe allergies (yo!) inside their home from March until November. If the allergies don’t deter a person, then the heat and humidity surely will. If that doesn’t bug you, then the bugs will…clouds of bugs (most of which bite or sting)…they don’t call it “The Bug Eater State” for nothing. Wasps and hornets are everywhere, making spending any time outdoors a death lottery for those of us that are allergic, and a horrifying experience for those that aren’t. The winters provide a reprieve from the bugs, heat, humidity, and allergies, but at the cost of subzero temps that will give you frostbite in 15-30 minutes, depending on the day.
Even if the weather were decent, the allergies nonexistent, and the bugs manageable, there is nothing to do. Just…nothing. No hiking. No swimming (the only bodies of water are rivers, filthy with runoff – manure, urine, and pesticides – from feedlots and fields, and aside from the occasional filthy reservoir, and stagnant, filthy little puddles in abandoned abandoned gravel pits that they call “lakes”). There are no tourist attractions. Even the state parks are empty. You can basically go rent a cabin to sit in and ride a horse at the park. That’s it.
I’m trying to be positive, but I hate it here so much. There is just nothing to do if you don’t hunt or fish (I don’t enjoy either). The only positive is that it’s relatively safe. It’s the most depressing place I’ve ever been. We were hoping to get out this year (we’ve been working and saving to pay off all of our debt aside from our house, to that end, and we did it), but then the economy went to crap, housing prices doubled and tripled nationwide, inflation raged out of control, and chaos erupted across the country. And so, now, we can’t afford to move away from this desolate, horrid wasteland.
All things are possible if you seek it and don’t give up. The economy doesn’t have to affect your life . The truth is everyone is not struggling! Believe it or not. I would encourage you not to give up and keep seeking. Everything has a perfect timing. I’m sure you can look back over life and know that there were things that don’t work out in your timing but when you realize the delay was necessary and things ended up working out. Patience really is a virtue. Ive been where you are and i know it can be intolerable. I also know that when you complain it makes you feel worse. While you continue to seek opportunities to change your situation try to have a more positive perspective as you can change it. Btw congrats on paying off debt can you imagine how much more of strain it would be if you still had debt?? That’s to be celebrated!!!! Like at the timing of that!!! Be encouraged it could be worse and while it not your favorite place that there will always be something that’s not right! I ve lived in five different states. Focus on what you have to be grateful for and you may find a way out by changing your perspective on where you are
Thank you for the encouraging reply. I needed that!!! You are right. There’s a lot to be thankful for! 🙂
We’re a military family, and have moved a lot as well, so I understand trying to find the positive (Illinois was a challenge, too, LOL). We moved here from Hawaii…I’m missing the openness of people, the lack of allergies, the ocean, hiking, and comfortable outdoor environment. I need to be in the outdoors to thrive, and I just can’t here…hence the frustration. Western Nebraska is *beautiful*. Lots of hiking, gorgeous scenery, etc. But it’s a 7-hour one way drive to get there.
I need to find a tribe. I’ve been trying, but it seems everyone here has their cliques they’ve had since elementary school. No outsiders allowed (they tend to be very suspicious of outsiders and I’ve even seen them actively shoulder people out of their groups and community stuff). Roots run deep here, which can be frustrating (but admirable) for tumbleweeds like me XD.
I hope you are able to start traveling again soon! I’m looking forward to reading more about your travels (and your positive outlook on life). It inspires people.
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Not living in what someone told me was called my ‘spiritual place’ can play havoc with mental health.
I have suffered with anxiety and depression on/off for 42 years, since I was 14 years old.
I hated for most of my life living in the most uninspiring part of the UK. Jobs are plentiful here, wages are good and housing is not too expensive. It is overcrowded in parts and on other parts beautiful and rural but still, quite simply I hate it.
I moved away to one of the most beautiful areas of the UK, and lived and worked there. There were hardly any jobs there, and the wages were abysmal. Housing was among the most expensive in the UK. What it lacked in that respect was made up for by the most beautiful breath taking scenery and relaxing way of life. I was so happy and then Covid happened.
My job went, my house went with it, and I had to return to the horrible part of the UK again.
I am dying here of depression, and even though I have a lovely house here, it is just not where I feel at my happiest. I cannot explain it. I exist here. In the other place, I feel alive.
I am trying to get back but since Covid, a lot has changed and accommodation is far too expensive for anywhere decent. I would sell my house here, but it would probably buy a Shed where I want to be.
My anxiety is off the scale even on medication. Yet when I am where I want to be, I am so much more relaxed, by the beach and in the countryside.
I realise how people are suffering in various ways across the world, with wars, famine, and living in a tyrannical regime. I know how fortunate I am compared to those, but that does not stop me being unhappy.
Does anyone else feel like this?
I agree to a point. I moved to NV to help my mother and its okay but I hate high heat temps. And now I can’t leave because if I do, it basically cuts me off from my other family who won’t visit me if I move somewhere further away with a better paying job. I had an offer to go and make 4-5 dollars more than I do now in a eastern state, but had to turn it down to stay and help my mom since my other siblings don’t live close enough to take her in and take care of her.
I have moved to take care of my grandmother when no one else would. I would advise you to do it because you truly want to not because others won’t or can’t. Being a care taker is not for the faint at heart. Make sure you research all agencies that could step in and give you a break. Make sure most of all your not resentful. The truth of the matter is people do what they want if they want. You have to do the same and live with your decision. I don’t regret what i did but i didn’t really know what it was going to be like and the costs not money but emotions.
T—–you performed a blessing for your grandmother and an even greater one posting your experience here.
When my dad died, relatives told me it was time to move on with my life….but, I knew that I would need to keep an eye out for my mother and I also had an aging cat. So, for the next 10 years I took care of both and did not move……and the emotional toll of taking care of my mother, who was selfish and who did not have my back, took an extreme emotional toll on me. The neighborhood began to change demographically as well and the people who moved in had a different type of life struggle, sucking more energy and life from me than being a care-taker. The horrible influence of my mother—-and the modest inheritance that I received….was it worth it? They say take the harder path and they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I think my mother planted in my head when I was young and then manipulated me to such an extent thereafter—-that I was brainwashed into taking care of her…..to the detriment of my own life…..So, here, during lockdowns, I struggle to console myself and heal from personal attacks from neighbors who are not sophisticated enough to understand me or support me and from seeing how my mother used me——-But, I have faith, that with the help of God and with time and patience, focusing now on taking care of ME, that I will take two steps forward and maybe one step back in order to finally move from where I presently live—–God helps those who help themselves….and we have to do the footwork. I am so glad at least I so loved my cat who I know she knew I loved her and she appreciated that I did and she loved me back. It was so hard losing her, I do not ever want to raise another pet because I do not want to go through losing him/her as I did my loving, loyal cat. Another reason I did not move several years back was that my elderly cat would not be able to adjust to such a move.
I hope, T, that you are not care-taking to avoid building your own life for yourself—–and that your grandmother appreciates what you are doing for her. They say wherever you go, there you are—–but sometimes, even the smallest change and different variable in a new location can make all the difference. And T, if you have made the committment to take take of your grandmother, I hope she is wise and appreciative and that you learn from her—that you then, when she passes, can take that experience to make wiser and healthier choices as you go into the world building a new life afterwards. And lastly, that during the time you have taking care of her—-that you take time just for you and plan out your life and life some during this time too.
Thank you for the compliment. My grandmother passed 3 yrs ago. It has been a struggle to take care of myself and knowing what that looks like. Since then i feel my own family don’t understand what that did to me… watching someone i live change and transition. I don’t think i fully grieved yet. The lockdown has a tremendous toll on me. But God is gracious and he is showing me hair to move on with him and the true meaning of loving yourself with his love
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I am so sorry to hear that. It is ashame to have family and not have family. I am 61 and a half and dread being alone or stuck in 1 place.
My purpose out here today is to share this article to the world about how Doctor BALBOSA helped me in getting back my ex-boyfriend that broke up with me 4 months ago. I tried all I could to make him see reasons with me so that we can continue our relationship but he denied me. Thank God for giving me the thought of going into the internet to search for help. I searched properly and I saw different reviews on Doctor BALBOSA and I insisted on giving it a try by contacting him via call / whats-app on (+1 707 412 – 0096 ) WEBSITE: https://balbosasolutionhome.com
and He gave me reason to live again and after He prepared the spell, He told me that my ex-boyfriend will come back to me within 28 hours. Can you believe it that my ex-boyfriend really came back and our wedding will be held soon. Contact him now if you need any help and he does a lot of spells. Once again I want to say I’m very grateful for your help
This comes from someone happy where they are. The novelty of a place won’t wear off if you want to move back to where you were happy last. Not everyone with kids can just move. Some places are very hard to make likable (2000 people…hardly a place you can just keep distracting yourself from)
I am also going through the exact same thing right now. I’ve been wanting a new life for so long. I’ve been in and out of relationships. More jobs than Forrest Gump and I’ve just never really been happy but that’s due to my mental health. A couple of months ago I decided I can’t stay where I am any longer. Surely there is a better life out there for me. My current city in the UK is just getting bigger and bigger. Its getting more and more over crowded and the streets are littered and dirty and the roads and pavements are getting more and more tired. I don’t have any family and I have very little friends. The friends I do have never visit me or call me. I might get a text once in a while but that’s about it. It’s always me texting them. I’m in a position where I can sell my property and basically move anywhere in the world and start again but and there is a but, I have a love for the coast and I have found a town I can move to and I have been visiting this town many years but the thoughts in my head start to effect me. There is constantly ifs and buts. I’m there now and I woke up in a hotel this morning with doubts yet again. Its very tiring because I don’t know what to do with my life. I know I need to move because it has become to much of a burden where I live now. I am one of those who sees through rose tinted glasses. I know it’s not going to be easy but I need a change before its to late. I don’t want to be an old man in 20 years sitting on a bench in my current city wishing I had made the move. I just feel stuck in my current situation.
Hello. Your situation is similar to mine in many respects and I can fully relate to a lot of what you wrote.
What has happened since your post? Did you make the move and if so, do you now feel happier and more contented?
I hope that you are.
As a Canadian, I had the opportunity to work temporarily for a year in Houston, the first time I spent considerable time in American soil. What a big mistake!
Coming from Toronto, I keep hearing how Houston is the city of the future and how it’s the most diverse. Sorry, but it didn’t feel that way. Proud ignorance, racial tensions, toxic political culture, worship of the police state. And people acted like complete morons during the COVID pandemic, refusing to wear masks and refusing the vaccine. And Houston’s favourite exotic paradise, San Antonio, is a rundown backwards shithole.
I’m glad to be back in Toronto, a city where it is not only truly international, but it’s also the third largest tech hub in the world, just behind Silicon Valley and New York City. And we have events like the Toronto International Film Festival. Houston? They have Ted Cruz, lazy people, Confederate flags, Trump paraphernalia, machine guns, and street gangs. If Houston is the model city for America, I don’t want to go back to the USA, at all. I’m not keen on being nice to American tourists here in Canada either, if they are ignorant and ungrateful like the Houston locals I encountered.
I am with ya! I wish I can live in Canada!
Top Secret Way To Win The Lottery With The Help Of A Magic Lottery spell caster called Dr Kumar…….I saw testimonies online on how Dr Kumar helped a lot of people in winning huge amounts in the lottery, so I decided to contact him for winning numbers. I contacted this man and he did a spell and he gave me the winning lottery numbers to play. Believe me when the draws were out I was among the winners. I won a $2.19 million jackpot. I have confirmed Dr Kumar and he is real and guaranteed. Now I am a living testimony of the good works of Dr Kumar, a gifted man with great powers, it is my secret but I decided to make the world known too. It might be a help to anyone who is interested. My comment might look funny to you but it is the truth and I promise you that it will not be funny when you win and share a testimony with others. This is a secret to win the lottery so I advise you to do the same. It’s not everybody that is naturally lucky, if you have problems in winning the lottery? then the solution to win is to contact Dr Kumar for the winning numbers and you can reach Dr Kumar on email: spellcasttemple@gmail. com
Kelly it must be nice to have someone to do something with. Some of us do not have anybody which makes us dislike where ever we are.
So shut your canadian pie hole.
Hmm… I can’t understand why you don’t have anyone? You seem like such a kind and charming person!
WHAT A MIRACLE…I’M THE MOST HAPPIEST MAN ON EARTH
My prayers have been answered…This is my testimony of how I won $344,600,000 million dollars. I want to use this opportunity to thank Doctor Balbosa for helping me to win the lottery of $344,600,00 million dollars on Mega millions lottery ticket. I have been playing the lottery for the past 6 years now and I have never won. Ever since then I have not been able to win and I was so upset and I needed help to win the lottery. So I decided to go online and search for help, there i saw so many good testimonies about this man called Doctor Balbosa of how he has cast lucky spell lotto for people to win the lottery. I contacted him also and told him I want to win a lottery, he cast a spell for me which I use and I played and won $344,600,000 million dollars. I am so grateful to this great spell caster, feel free to contact him from any part of the world on his Verified WEBSITE:
I met this famous spell caster known as Doctor Balbosa and he was the one who did it for me. As shocking as it was to me, my famous comment to the press was “ I’m going to go and hide in my bed.” Never did I believe that Doctor Balbosa actually made me wealthy overnight. If you want to have your chance of winning and becoming very wealthy just like me, contact Doctor Balbosa on Email: balbosasolutionhome@gmail. com
I met this famous spell caster known as Doctor Balbosa and he was the one who did it for me. As shocking as it was to me, my famous comment to the press was “ I’m going to go and hide in my bed.” Never did I believe that Doctor Balbosa actually made me wealthy overnight. If you want to have your chance of winning and becoming very wealthy just like me, contact Doctor Balbosa on Email: balbosasolutionhome@gmail. com
I know many people would wonder how I had won the lottery. Would you believe me if I told you that I did it with the best spell casting? I met this famous spell caster known as Doctor Balbosa Email: balbosasolutionhome@gmail. com and he was the one who did it for me. As shocking as it was to me, my famous comment to the press was “ I’m going to go and hide in my bed.” Never did I believe that Doctor Balbosa actually made me wealthy overnight. If you want to have your chance of winning and becoming very wealthy just like me, contact Doctor Balbosa on
WHATSAPP AND CALL: + 1 ( 2 0 4 ) 4 1 0 – 6 4 1 1
Hi everyone reading this amazing testimony of mine and i want to give my own verdict on how you can win the lottery by contacting Dr Kumar for your lottery numbers. I started playing lottery games for years now and I have never won big. I went online to seek help to see if i could get some tips on how I can win bigger amounts on the lottery and I saw some nice reviews about Dr Kumar who has made different people huge winners in the lottery by sending them lottery numbers. I gave it a try and I contacted Dr Kumar by email and he told me how and what to do before I can become a big lotto winner and I accepted. He made special prayers for me at his temple and sent me the required lottery numbers to play and when I played it, I won a massive $235.4 million POWERBALL jackpot. I was so happy and I chose to receive my winnings in a one-time, lump-sum payment of $160,038,447.27 at Florida Lottery Headquarters in Tallahassee and the balance was given to the store that I bought & played the game from. I would love other people who want to win the lottery to seek help from Dr Kumar and he will also send you the lottery numbers and make you a winner just like me.. You can reach Dr Kumar on email: spellcasttemple@gmail. com
This isn’t going to change my perspective on Dawson Creek, fuck Dawson Creek HARD! My hatred for Dawson Creek is so deeply seeded that if some foreign power were to invade Canada, I would not care one single bit of Dawson Creek was wiped off the map.
I want to use this opportunity to tell the whole world on how I become rich and famous. I’m 93 years old. I was passing through difficulty in business and there was no hope of me coming out of my debt. I borrow money in my bank to do my business and I run at lost on the business I got frustrated and decided to be playing lottery to see if I can win and make my business grow and I have played for years now nothing good is coming my way on till I meet someone online talking about Dr Ayoola on the internet. He was taking about how this Dr Ayoola help him to win mega million lottery game. I said to myself if this is true and decide to contact him and told him to help me as well I later read more about this man and see how he has been helping people all over the world. I have faith in him and choose to work with him. After working with him he told me what I need to do for the number to be given to me which I did after he finish working he said I will have a dream and the number will be review to me in the dream. That night has I was sleeping I dream a number immediately he call me and gave me the same number I dream of and ask me to go and play the number. Today I’m here testifying of the good work he did for me I played the number and I won the sum of 1, 000,000 million dollars in a lotto max. You can contact Dr Ayoola for help if you want to win big in lottery game he has the gift of giving right number contact him today and thank me email him today Via email: drayoolasolutionhome@gmail. com or https://www.facebook.com/Dr-Ayoola-105640401516053/ text or call +14809032128
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REAL LOTTERY NUMBER TO HELP YOU WIN THE LOTTERY…….Dr Kumar is the best lottery spell caster and his lottery numbers strikes without any problem. The lottery numbers he sent to me struck and I won the sum of $64m and my friend also won $28m with the lottery numbers Dr Kumar gave to him. I came across Dr Kumar’s contact through a comment on youtube when someone testified about his lottery numbers because I was searching for tips to improve my chances of winning the lottery. I contacted Dr Kumar and told him I needed the lottery numbers and he sent it to me which I played and won $64m. I also recommended my friend to him and he also gave him the lottery numbers which he used to win $28m. You can reach Dr Kumar to get your lottery numbers on email: spellcasttemple@gmail. com
CONGRATULATIONS!!!.I WON $65 MILLION LOTTO MAX…
MY name is James Wickman from Canada and i won $65 million Lotto Max….
I have been playing lottery games for so many years and I have never won a huge amount of money before but I never give up, I found a website online and I came across so many comments of a great spell caster called DR. BALBOSA who helps so many people to achieve their goals with the lottery winning numbers…I Emailed him and told him all my past experiences and he promise to help me win the lottery and he gave me the lottery winning numbers…
He did a lottery spell and he also pray for me…I was in my vehicle when i heard over the radio that the winning ticket for a $65 million Lotto Max draw was sold in the Timiskaming/Cochrane area so I check my ticket. I was shocked and surprised at that very moment because my long awaited prayers had finally been answered and I thank DR. BALBOSA for helping me out for my financial status to change and that of my generation, contact DR. BALBOSA today from anywhere in the world now and I assure you that your bold step will be your change of level. Email him via: balbosasolutionhome@gmail. com
RE-UNION LOVE SPELL…
After 7 Years in a relationship with my Boyfriend, my Boyfriend started going out with other girls and showing me cold love, on several occasions he threatens to broke-up with me if I dare question him about his affair with other girls, I was totally devastated and confused but i was always optimistic that things will change because I love my boyfriend with all my heart. luckily an old friend of mine told me about a spell caster on the internet called DR.BALBOSA who help people with their relationship and marriage problem by the powers of love Spells, At first I doubted If such thing ever exists but decided to give it a try and luckily for me, i and DR.BALBOSA live in the same city so i went to see him in his Apartment with my friend…DR.BALBOSA is such a great man, he told me everything I needed to do and he also checked the connection between i and my boyfriend, so he helped me cast a Love Spell and within 48Hours my boyfriend came back to me and started apologizing, now he has stopped going out with girls and he is with me for good and for real. words cant describe how grateful i am to DR BALBOSA. please endeavor to contact him for any relationship issues and he will always help you. God Bless You from shelly jake..
CONTACT DR BALBOSA ON:
EMAIL: balbosasolutionhome@gmail. com
This doesn’t take into consideration if you are married and one partner doesn’t want to move.
Me and my husband wanted to buy a home but it was during 2020 when you couldn’t get your hands on a nice house or land to save your life. My husband “must have land”. And doesn’t like living in town. We ended up buying a 140 year old farmhouse in the middle of nowhere next to a small trailer park of a town. I had never lived in such a rural area so I didn’t know how much I was not going to like it. I was distracted the first 2 years because we were so busy remodeling to house. Now that most of our big projects are done I have come to realize I hate the location. The property is lovely, cute with a creek and a pond and 30 acres. But other than my like for our house and yard there is nothing for me there. I now have an extensive commute to work, my friends are all further away, I’m further from family, my husband is a firefighter and works 24 hour shifts so I am often left there alone, and quite frankly it’s lonely.
I would never vacation there either. It wouldn’t even make my top 500 places to visit…
I’m super excited to share this amazing testimony on how I won $70,000,000 Million dollars with the help of Dr Benjamin who gave me some lottery winning numbers, I have been playing lottery games for years now and I never won, one fateful day my colleague told me how he had helped his cousin win lottery and he gave me his contact information, after the close of the day I emailed him and he responded after some time, I told him all I wanted and he assured me that he’s going to help me as he has done for many. After some time he gave me an instruction which I followed diligently, later that night he gave me the numbers and I played it as instructed to my biggest surprise I was among the luck winners. It was a dream come through for me. My big thank you Dr Benjamin for your selfless services to humanity and I pray that you reap the fruit of your services now and always. If you need same miracle he’s open to helping as many that comes to him for help, he can help you too. Contact him today via his personal information, Email: drbenjaminlottospell711@gmail. com