“I Hate it Here” – Change Your Perspective and Love Where You Live – Or Get Out!

Do you find the place that you live in boring and uninspiring?

Do you wish you lived somewhere else?

Do you constantly dream of other locations?

When you go on holiday, do you dread coming back home?

A month ago, Lee and I were visiting family in his hometown – a small working class Lancashire town in the North of England. I personally love it there. The surrounding countryside is lovely, cheap pubs are plentiful, there are many excellent museums and historical sites within a short train ride in any direction and the town is just the right size that so that I can walk to everything I need.

The Leeds to Liverpool Canal near Accrington, Lancashire
The Leeds to Liverpool Canal near Accrington, Lancashire

However, I have had this very same conversation with many locals:

Them: That accent’s not from around here is it?

Me: No, I’m from Canada.

Them: What do you think of it here?

Me: I love it here.

Them: *Astonishment and disbelief* Really?

They will then go ahead and tell me why I must be crazy, because Canada must be so much better than this part of the world – this horrible and bleak stain on the map that I have found myself in.

I’ve already outlined the reasons why I love it in Accrington in another post, but I think the point is more to do with perception. You see, I believe that I would have a good chance of enjoying myself whether I lived in Canada, or in New Zealand or Australia, Cambodia, Iceland, Sri Lanka, or Malaysia. It’s not this location that’s “terrible”, it’s the attitude of the people who are negative about it.

Attitude is Everything

Lee and I were in Banff, Alberta during our Cross Canada Road Trip. This absolutely picture-postcard perfect mountain town is so pretty it’s almost hard to believe it’s real. It’s nestled within the world famous Rocky Mountains, a crystal clear mountain stream runs through it and it offers world class skiing, hiking, canoeing and an international backpacker party scene. Deer and elk wander down the street in the middle of the day. Who wouldn’t love it here?

Banff, Alberta, Canada
Banff, Alberta, Canada – a picture perfect town

However, we still managed to have an exchange with a negative local who complained to us that Banff was “boring” and “too cold” and he couldn’t wait to get out. We were shocked that someone could be bitter about living somewhere that people travel from all over the world to visit – but the truth is that it’s all about attitude.

If you have a negative attitude about the place you live, you will not enjoy living there no matter how amazing it is. Never underestimate the power of negativity to find a downside to the most awesome things in the world!

With a negative attitude you could live on a beach in Thailand and complain about the sand that gets tracked in on your floor, or live in the most fascinating cultural district of New York or Berlin and whine about the street noise at night.

The truth is that no matter where you live, the location offers pros and cons. Of course, I’m not talking about people who are living in war torn communities in the developing world, as they actually have legitimate reasons to be unhappy where they are. I’m talking to those who live in nice town and cities in the developed world and constantly complain about their surroundings – without making any effort to change their attitude or move.

Change Your Outlook, or Get Out?

Don’t be one of those people who constantly complains about something, yet doesn’t do a thing to change it. Ok, so you don’t like where you are currently living? You have two options.

Option #1: Change your perspective and discover the positives of where you live. 

Option #2: Move. 

If you can learn to appreciate the beauty of where you are, you will be happy wherever you live. If you really desire to live somewhere else… then why not get out?

McAffee's Knob, Virginia, USA
Change your perspective! (McAffee’s Knob, Virginia, USA)

Option #2 Won’t Work for Those Who Can’t Master Option #1

If you can’t learn to appreciate the place that you live in, moving location will only be a temporary fix until the novelty of your new place starts to wear off. For example, you might be a Brit who always complains about the rain, the government, the economy, etc. So you decide to move to Spain and enjoy a better life for yourself.

At first, it’s brilliant! You drink wine, eat tapas and get a tan. Everyone back home is jealous. However, after a while things in Spain start to get on your nerves. Every simple thing takes forever, everyone is so loud and emotional, the bars are all filled with smoke and you can never get anything done in the afternoon because of the bloody Siesta.

Soon enough, you are miserable again in your new paradise and pining for home. Has Spain changed? Nope – it’s all you.

Stop making your happiness conditional on where you are – because there will always be something annoying and irritating about wherever you are. Instead, learn how to make the most of wherever you are, so that you will enjoy living there. That way, you will never have to move away from somewhere to “escape”, you will simply relocate because you are craving a different (not necessarily better) experience.

You don't have to wear your backpack when pretending to be a tourist in your hometown...
You don’t have to wear your backpack when pretending to be a tourist in your hometown…

How to Love Where You Live – Treat it Like a Travel Destination

Do you know why you love the destinations you visit on holiday more than you love your home town? It’s because of the way you experience them.

When you are visiting somewhere as a tourist, you experience all of the best aspects of that destination and very little of the bad. You stay in a nice hotel, splurge on a meal in a restaurant, go sightseeing in the prettiest part of the city and visit the best attractions. You spend a little more than usual and you treat yourself to nice things. Of course you are going to love it there!

What if you viewed your “boring” hometown in the same way? Give a try someday. Pretend you are a tourist to your region and go a Google search for the fun things to do in your area. Take your camera with you, snap photos of your town’s nicest buildings, sit in the prettiest park and have a picnic, eat at a new restaurant, visit your local museum or go for a hike along a local trail. Imagine you are seeing this place for the first time and see the beauty that is there.

Pretend you are researching your location in order to write a book or an article about it. What is the history of the town? What famous people lived there? What did that Victorian building in the main square used to be when it was first built? What are the significant events that shaped your town and gave it it’s identity. The more layers of history you uncover about a place, the more interesting it becomes.

Also, think about what people different than you might see in the place. Perhaps you find your small rural town boring because there is nothing to do, but if you were a parent with a young family you would appreciate the safe streets and friendly community. Again, it’s all about perspective.

You’re Not a Tree! Uproot Yourself and Try Somewhere Else

“Okay, so I’ve done all of the above and now I appreciate the unique beauty of my location and what it has to offer. However… I’ve lived here a long time and this place just doesn’t fulfil me any more. What should I do now?”

Perhaps it's time to dive in and explore somewhere new!
Perhaps it’s time to dive in and explore somewhere new!

This is where Option #2 comes in – moving somewhere new. If you are craving a change of scenery, there is nothing wrong with going somewhere else. Perhaps you can go work abroad somewhere else for a year? Maybe you can move from the big city to the countryside or vice versa? Maybe you want to pack your bags and go backpacking for a while? Go for it!

Of course, it is important to remember that your new destination will be flawed as well, so remember that you are not running away from a terrible place to somewhere better – you are simply seeking somewhere that suits your interests at this stage in your life.

Do you love where you live? Have you ever acted like a “tourist in your own hometown”? Do you crave a life somewhere different? Share your thoughts in the comments with us. 

Kelly Dunning

A Canadian freelance writer with a love of art, culture, literature and adventure, Kelly loves exploring foreign lands and expressing her experiences through the power of the written word.

Related Articles


  1. Very nice post. Too many people think they can escape to some “greener” pastures. While that may be true, most everyplace has plenty of positives and negatives. It is easy to take the positives of where you are for granted and ignore the negatives you don’t face (until you move).
    Getting out is great. But don’t expect greener pastures to make everything wonderful. There are certain traits of you and the place that can make getting out the best idea – I don’t like cold, other than that I think I would enjoy Banff (mentioned in the post) a great deal.
    While there are conflicts between you as a person and where you are not that make people want out – I think often it is a frustration with those negatives you have been dealing with. Some people love the new experiences – so getting out is often close to ideal. But if you don’t really figure out what will make you happy wherever you are getting out often just changes one set of frustrations for another.
    Political frustrations I think are this time a whole bunch. While your government is likely doing tons of totally annoying and lame stuff. Finding a government anywhere that isn’t doing tons of that is very hard (there are a couple, from my perspective, that I find better than most but they tend to be in very cold places – which I don’t like). Often you don’t care about the lame things done elsewhere until you are stuck directly inside of the consequences. I think getting out with this as a big reason is fine, it just seems lots of these people are frustrated with the new location after a fairly short time.

  2. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. When we moved from Minnesota to South Carolina people thought we were crazy because, “It’s just too warm”. Now we’re asked all the time about how cold it gets back in Minnesota.

    We had a house sitting job in Belize and we were miserable. Opting for the ‘Get Out’ option we moved on. Complacency doesn’t mean you have to give up quality of life and yet finding a balance seems to be more useful.

    Enjoying your posts,

    Nick and Silke

    1. I agree to a point. Has anyone ever considered that some may just not like the area they live in like one doesn’t like carrots or peas? I am originally for central Kentucky and have lived in Savannah Georgia for five years and Columbia S.C. For five before that. My husband (also from central KY) love s it here! His comments are that he hates the winters back home which, I adore. We have lots of friends here and are always doing something. And I Do Have a positive attitude. BUT, regardless of my positive attitude, I still don’t like where I live. In fact, my feelings for Savannah and the coast is, Over Rated.

      I agree with you that attitude is a Very big part and being postive. But attempting to discredit someones feelings about a place that others may love and travel the work over to visit is in my book not being realistic. What one person may like is not always what another may like. I lived in Palm Beach for four years back in the eighties and hated it. Returned to Kentucky and lived there another fifteen years and was perfectly happy and content. Married and my spouse talked me into moving to S.C. And then Savannah, GA. I am happy but, not Happy and it Does have to do with where we live. Summers Way too hot and humid, we have gone through three hurricanes, no seasons to speak of just got and hotter. Can not to downtown without dealing with traffic and rude, pushy tourist. Heck, the other day I got cussed out by a tourist because I didn’t come to a complete stop at a stop sign fast enough for him and I was there car lengths away from the sign. Happens all the time. Plus, taxes are extremely high to live there and you never see your tax dollars put to work unless it is in the tourist areas. So Yes, I give credence to those that don’t like where they live and their dislike is as valid as those that like where they are. So the option of it strictly being about attitude is not being realistic and living in the real world. Some people like the coast, some dobt. Some people like big cities while others like small towns. It’s all about what makes each of us individuals.

      1. I moved to Savannah from Michigan 13 years ago due to the poor economy at the time. My job was eliminated as part of a restructuring. We lost our home and everything we worked hard to build over the years. My wife was offered a job teaching in Savannah, so we went for it. We came to Savannah with great hopes and dreams. We tried to acclimate, but quickly discovered we are not cut from the same cloth as our Southern brothers and sisters. As the years went by I have become more and more reclusive. While people have been nice, we still have no real friends here. We are both lonely for the friendships we lost by moving here. My work is unfulfilling but my wife’s career keeps us here as we have no other options. Any interest I had in Savannah when we moved here has dissolved into an absolute loathing of the place. I hate everything about it and feel more and more suffocated each year that we remain. We try to get out and explore Georgia and all of the surrounding cities and states, but our travels through the Southestern U.S. has left me only yearning more to return to Michigan. I absolutely loath this part of the country, but I am trapped here and am becoming extremely depressed and angry with my situation. My wife feels lonely, but she has been able to enjoy some of the things the area has to offer. I’ve tried to adapt and acclimate, but have yet to find anything close to like about this area. I’m 63 years old now and I hate the idea of getting old and dying in this place.

        1. I’m from Michigan and never felt any connection to the state or people really. I moved away 5 years ago and have met friends everywhere else I have lived (Arizona, Alaska and Hawaii) But when I go home to visit I don’t bother seeing anyone but family. I never made friendships that lasted, I found most people just shop and drink at bars, and I’m a really big outdoor person. Even stepping foot in Mi puts me in a bad mood lol. Very interesting.

      2. I 100% percent understand and I agree. I have lived where I’m at now for almost 6 years. And try as I might, I still don’t like it here. It’s funny you mentioned the carrots & peas analogy because that is the exact analogy I’ve been using. How do I make myself like something I hate such as canned peas? I can develop an appreciate about the peas, but the fact is, I hate them even now and will opt for something else any time I can. No amount of attitude or perception is going to make up for that.

  3. You live in some utopia with the blinkers on. People like you do not have a clue what it’s like living ina crime ridden, noisy, dirty area.

    Sound like one of those pathetic hipsters

    1. Hi Mike,

      I think you might have missed this paragraph:

      ” Of course, I’m not talking about people who are living in war torn communities in the developing world, as they actually have legitimate reasons to be unhappy where they are. I’m talking to those who live in nice town and cities in the developed world and constantly complain about their surroundings – without making any effort to change their attitude or move.”

      This article is directed to the many people I have met who live in decent areas, yet still complain about it.

      1. Dear Kelly,

        Thank you so much for your posts!! I’m sitting here in tears with thankfulness. You are truly right. I moved from the city / suburban city area to Podunk nowhere in northern Michigan. I used to visit it and think it was gorgeous. Now that I’m here all I do is complain… that you for making me realize I need to stop and re-look at things. Although I must confess I’m not certain I’m ready for the cold winters… I can certainly make it a much happier place 9 months a year in my own head & heart!

        1. Thanks for your comment Sandy… I’m glad this post touched you so deeply. I wish you best of luck in seeing things from a new perspective! Send us an update and let us know how it goes.

      2. Dear Kelly your article really helped me.I am from Malta and lived in Cyprus for 7 years .All that time I was homesick although I loved the greenary and mountains.When back to my country I taught I was going to be happy finally only to find out I miss Cyprus.It s been 4 years living in my country again but day deram about how Cyprus is a nicer country .But you are ruggt it s my perception as when I was there I had all what I crave for now and still wasn t happy there and missed my country.

      3. I’ve lived in many places & liked them all…except the one I’m in now. These are small town cliques who hate everyone but their white hetero selves. There’s no way I’m ever going to fit in talking about teens dating their teachers or their friends brothers & dads. Or married women out for their afternoon date with the neighbor. You can’t pretend it’s normal sharing booze & meds between parents & kids. It’s never going to be ok because you change your attitude

      4. I lived on the west coast of California, I moved for Job opportunity 5 years ago. Since I’ve been here some family have moved here I’ve found a great man. I have the opportunity to transfer back thru my job. My heart says go my mind says stay.

        1. I just moved out of the west coast California, back to where I was living before. Only got the opportunity to live in California for 2 years. There are pros and cons about living in California, however, if some of your family has moved to California, and you found a great man….Then, read this article again, and again…California has its pros and cons, like everywhere in the world. My heart also said go, and I did, and I think it was really the best decision for my family, my mind told me many times to stay…But, as you can read we left…Sometimes I wish I was back there, but in all true honesty, what I really wish is that I could have some things of California, and have them here where I am :/

      5. Kelly, there are so many areas like Mike described in the US. He is talking about the “developed world”. In fact, more incorporated areas of the US are noisy, dirty, and with crime than not.

        Your entire perspective is from a very privileged place.

        There are tons of reasons that most people are actually unable to move. When you are stuck in an area that’s dirty, noisy, crime ridden, and lacks employment opportunities that make it impossible to move, it isn’t so simple to see the positives…except on TV or in near by towns that are impossible to access. And seeing those things so close but not accessible makes it all the more difficult to see the positives in your current situation.

      6. Ive change big time. but caused of my drinking i was a ass ive been 15 years sober and i still a bum. I work all my life and there no happyness no more

        1. It is never too late to change, Gerry. Give yourself a pat on the back for being sober for 15 years. That’s a huge accomplishment! Congratulations! Why are you calling yourself a bum? You sound like a person who realized he had a problem and did something about it.

  4. Amazing post! I truly inspired me to start moving and to visit and explore these wonderful places! Thanks for sharing! All the best! 🙂

  5. Hi, I really liked this post as it’s true(in due respect). I have lived in a beautiful Northern East Coast beach town for more than 15 yrs now and I never liked it from day 1.I had to come here under duress as I was happy and didn’t want to leave the place I bore my 3 children.I loved it and was hoping to have a future there. So when I arrived in this new pretty town I never really gave it a chance.I lost many good times with family and making new friends, I was alone and my health and quality of life suffered, I was unhappy, unhappy deep down because I had a bad attitude towards it. I made all excuses but the thing is I never got out and explored the place and what a beautiful place it is. So,What can I say, you already said it. You must be happy then you will always go forward wherever you are.Thanx Belinda

  6. Some of us are forced to live in areas that we despise (for good reason), and we don’t have the ability to move. Case in point: I live on a Marine base in Japan, and we obviously can’t leave until the military lets us. The locals are incredibly unfriendly (even hostile at times), the city is filthy (they still use nightsoil on many of the farms in the area), and the base itself is outdated, unhealthy, and lacking in even the most basic necessities. I consider myself a very positive and adventurous person, but when I can’t even purchase food from the local commissary because it’s six months out of date and my brand new home is infested with mold that Housing refuses to acknowledge or rectify, it’s a little impossible to maintain a good attitude. I agree that a good attitude can solve many of life’s problems, but there are instances where nothing will make a place tolerably inhabitable.

      1. Obviously not, idiot! But some people are sometimes forced or obligated due to circumstances to be in places that they really detest.But i guess you haven’t experienced something similar, judging by your moronic commet.

    1. I couldn’t agree more Sarah! I had to move from the Woodstock area of NY, one of the most progressive places in the country, to Tampa Bay FL, one of the most conservative crap holes. There is truly no way to be happy here. Guns are everywhere and it is actually legal to kill someone. The people are the most self-absorbed, shallow thinking jerks on the planet. Getting cut off in traffic is a daily occurrence, because the self-centered attitudes take control in all things. As far as the comment about being a prisoner, spoken like a person with no responsibilities. Yes, some of us are prisoners without being in jail. The reason that necessitated my move was so that my grandchildren didn’t go into foster care and now I am still co-raising them. Which leads to one more problem. People my age here are done with raising kids and do not want anyone in their lives who still have children at home. In addition, if an activity doesn’t involve drinking or partying, they won’t do it. They are lazy. But then again, it’s hard being active when the constant heat beats one down. There is literally nothing to do. So it’s lonely as hell living here. The only thing I can cling to is that I volunteer at a wonderful aquarium/animal rescue hospital, where two movies were made. So I came to this page wondering how others are coping in their own hells.

      1. Really? I LOVED LOVE LOVED the Tampa/St Pete area! I live there for a year and a half but recently had to return to my hometown in Wisconsin due to medical/family issues. I cried upon arrival because WI is so cold and ugly and the “people energy” is so much lower. I’m a progressive as well, but I still loved western Florida with all my heart. It’s just so exquisitely beautiful. I lived kinda in the ‘hood but I still woke up every day and marveled at how it was yet another gorgeous sunny day. I plan to return eventually.

        I guess this proves the author’s point that perspective is everything 🙂

        1. I luved in new smyrna for 3 yrs. I cried alot. One thing i did marvel was the sky was gorgeous every day. I lived 5 miles from the beach. My apart was lovely. Cons thepeople were not friendly at all. Everyone seemed suspicious. Co-workers member invited me out otherthan happy hour. Young single people seemedto to have a re tired mindset, records had mire spunk then they did. The job market was shop lure paying. I now live in va. I learned that i focused on time wrong things. There is always something to do if the opened minded. Going to the beach is free. I would go to thebeach to walk for hours go home and get the best sleep ever. Somethings toy can’t buy. In va i have to wait for two months to go you the beach. I have to drive 1hr half. The people are more genuinely friendly. I have reconnected with my daughter see moved here with me. But i realized what i LOVE the beach the sky view. I don’t like mountains and trees. I never felt the heat because every where you went was airconditioning. Va had a lot mite cultural events and arts . the main thing i learned is yippy have to travel for some things and living near family is overrated. I still do all the travelling to see them. . i did try paddle board and kayak workout time danger of sharks as gators. Im still torn. Im not wealthy enough to be a snow bird.

      2. I have moved To Fort Myers and failed to look at the weather before doing so!! For my husbands job. I pretty much hate it here. It’s so hot u can’t really do much outside without feeling like u are going to pass out. It’s been 4 months and I want to leave so bad. I have two kids and we seem to move a lot. So I was hoping we would be happy here bc cost of living is low. But there are no seasons here. Just hot and even hotter!!!!!! Yuck! I am also amazed when people say they like it here!!! I hope to have a better attitude and make myself happy. It’s October 15 and almost 100 outside. Good luck to me!

      3. Mark- I TOTALLY FEEL the same way you do about everything. I had to Leave Long island 2 years ago because my daughter needed to be closer to her Dad in Boca Raton Florida. I left a good job, financial security and my home ( my parent’s grave sites) I find Florida to be like a third world country compared to NY. The medical professionals are scammers. The heat is so overbearing 9 months out of the year I am too hot to do anything outside. The drivers are insane. The people are self absorbed. I wish every day that I could go back but need to stay to co-parent my daughter who has mental issues. I just keep telling myself in 5 more years I can leave. I find myself wanting to turn back the hands if time every day!

      4. I know this is an old post, but reading this is so therapeutic for me right now. My lease is up in one month. I live in South Tampa & have been down here for 6 years. I’ve had so many bad things happen to me, which I’m constantly in a state of diligent effort of fixing traumatic experiences in my life. I am so frustrated & as you addressed, “lonely”. I usually am a very independent woman, who does not mind being by herself. However, I have had this overwhelming feeling of NO CONNECTION to anything or anyone here. Have been so depressed, despite my efforts to overcome my feelings. Just joined a local hip non denom church & am hopeful that I can find some relief. You’ve brought up a very VALUABLE observation, which I wasn’t sure if I wasn’t the only one feeling it too? Too many self absorbed, shallow & heartless people. I’ve lost all interest in doing things that I used to be passionate about…kayaking, fishing, exploring, bicycling, etc… I just keep to myself, which is toxic to my sense of well being. Any time I go out & initiate a conversation or joke with anyone, it’s like I’m “invisible” or get ignored? I don’t get it? Thank you for lifting one woman’s spirit in South Tampa 🙂

        1. It’s funny yippy say this because i was told Volusia county was the lowest paying county in that state and i have thoughts of moving back and i was going to try tampa. But i see somethings are the same. I to am independent and ambitious and had a hard time adjusting to the mentality and lack of mingling opportunities. I have lived on other states and Florida is definitely a state that is different thanothers. As i was told it’s not southern it’s country. There is a difference. I live in va now and this is southern. People are friendly and polluter and inclusive and you can have conversations and people remember you. I will say that i miss the Sunrise sms and sunsets. And the beach being close. it felt like living on vacation. I often wondered before i left if i would regret it. . looking back i don’t know if i could our would do anything different. Here i have made friends quicker. But in bad days i wish i could take a walk in the beach. The beaches here are river beaches. It’s not the same. I’ve learned what is important to me. It’s community. I can choosy the beach. It’d doesn’t get snow here so I’ll stay.

      5. Woodstock! To Tampa! I feel you Mike Diorio! I’m from NY, lived in that area, have a sister in Saugerties. (Miss her so bad!) I moved to Orlando 5 long, miserable years ago so my Husband could be near his aging parents. I miss my family and the friendly, artistic wonderful upstate NY area I love. The area in which I live is high crime. It is impossibly hot, hostile and lacks natural beauty. If there is a patch of natural grass & a tree, someone must dig it up to plant a different tree and a landscaped patch of grass. Human beings have torn this city apart. All the orange groves, farms and countryside have been paved. (I thought I was moving to the place I remembered from the early 80s)
        The few places I found that weren’t too horrid to go for a walk ( w a large dog, a baton & pepper spray) have been rooted up and covered with staple gun houses. And the weapons. I’ll never get used to children who are not able to drink being able to carry a gun. I stopped watching the news because the daily home invasions truly frighten me. I too find it very lonely here. My health has suffered greatly. Where I used to spend most of my time outside hiking, riding horses, gardening, here I have become reclusive. I cannot move home because I cannot afford it; after 2 months of living here I was dx w/ leukemia. My medical bills are so high I fear I will never go home, be in the mountains; be w my grandchildren/ family. One of the highlights of my life is my quarterly trip to Moffitt Cancer Center in Tampa! I assure you Mike! It could be worse! You could live in Orlando! 🙂 In Regards to this article, I googled something about moving somewhere, hating it but being stuck. I came across this article. I see and fully understand that negativity has everything to do with it. “wherever you go, there you are!” It is a certain, special kind of torture when your circumstances demand that you simply grin and bear it. For the service person in Japan in moldy quarters and outdated food- that is shameful! I hope your situation has improved! I thank-you for your service to our beloved country! Thank-you for you sacrifice so I complain about my surroundings and choices! Mike, I hope you too feel well and find solace in the joy of watching your grandchildren grow! I hope you feel pride in the personal sacrifice you’ve made to ensure they grow up knowing the Love they deserve! And hey! You can stream WDST and WKZE! ( although that inevitability makes me cry….”Adam’s Fairacre Farms…”) You’re not alone!!! 😀 \m/

  7. I hate where I live. I moved because my husband got a new job. Unfortunately we can’t afford to move back to where we lived or anywhere else for that matter. I miss everything about our old apartment. I can’t believe I ever complained about it when we lived there because now I want nothing more but to go back. I will try and change my thinking about my new home and location. Hopefully someday this empty feeling will go away.

    1. Mel, I totally understand what you mean. My husband and I moved from a major northeastern city to a small city in the south. I lived my whole life up north with some schooling out in California. I hate living in a small town in the south. Unless you’re super religious, incredibly conservative and raised here, you won’t fit in. Not even the people from here like it here: The state is corrupt, the school system is awful and I count the days until his job will allow us to transfer. Oh, also, I’m having a high risk pregnancy following a loss and I’m bedridden with my entire support network up north.

      1. Hey Monica, I am in the same situation–living in a small town in the South. People are super religious, closeminded, non-starters and I don’t fit in…I know now, after wasting many years living here, that I never will. I hate it here. This place has absolutely nothing to offer me, not even a decent job…I feel trapped here and I am counting days until I move out of this hell hole.

        1. Marcia and Monica, I hear you guys. Recently my husband was offered a job in the tropical country of Panama. Following all the ‘web hype’ we were positive and it meant more money. Panama is actually as expensive as the US, customer service is the worse and traffic takes forever to get through. The apartment we got is on the top floor and is spacious. But people play their awfully loud music till like 4 am every night. Everything is so congested that I can hear the bus driver across the street shouting obscenities very late at night. Oh and we live right under the building’s pool area where people are always there being loud and obnoxious. The party never stops here. I am counting the days to head back to Los Angeles. I miss the friendly quiet people believe it or not.

          1. Hi, interesting comments in this thread. My wife and I have lived in a wonderful place in the south that we fell in love with nine years ago but now we seem frustrated and ready to leave. However, I think the issue may be internal rather than external so I want to work on myself first. I have one thought about a few previous comments like this one “People are super religious, closeminded, non-starters and I don’t fit in…I know now, after wasting many years living here, that I never will.”
            Where we live this can be the case also, but there are pockets of people in different neighborhoods that fit our mindset. We are lucky in this regard. So, maybe look for other areas in the same town. Thanks and best of luck.

          2. I moved to be with my husband. He said if I didn’t like it, we’d move. I gave it 3 years and I still hate it. We did end up moving again because he got offered a great job and it’s not even close to where I’d like to be. I can’t find work at all. Very frustrated. I wanted to move closer to my family, I don’t mind a long drive at all. I’m so far away now, I can’t afford a plane ticket and can’t find a job. It’s incredibly hot here and it makes me cranky. The air is so thick and it makes me feel gross. Constantly sweating. My husband loves his new job. Now what do I do?

        2. I’m with all of you! We moved to the South (small town) from a large midwestern city, and I feel absolutely miserable. I’ve given it a year, and my outlook has possibly gotten worse. I miss the energy of a city, the entrepreneurial spirit of a metropolitan area, progressive thinking, exciting food and drink concepts that are constantly popping up, my position as a well-paid event director, etc. I have truly tried to find the positive parts of being in a small town, but to be honest, my spirt thrives in populated, bustling areas. Sometimes it’s just who we are, and that cannot (and should not) be changed. Life is too short to lower our expectations and just settle for what we think we have to do.

    2. Moved to small town in Ontario due to hubbys job relocation. In late 2015. Had to resign from very good job I had for 11 years. Worked in town as temp for 15 months as I could not for life of me get perm position there. So no sick days, days off zero. It killed me. 3 weeks into this temp job my youngest brother tragically dies. Finally got into another opportunity again after tests, interviews and waiting one year to start. At this term job not even 2 months and hate starting over. Miss the city so can totally understand where you are coming from. Wish I could go back.

      1. I have been in Florida for three years. And arm finally deciding to leave. The reasons are one I live 10 hours away from the closest family member. Two I spent every vacation seeing family and not vacationing. Three I haven’t made any friends for the jobs do not pay enough to live and enjoy life. A cousin of mine gave me some great advice. The advice was women sometimes always try to make everything work. We are taught to make a good situation out of a bad one. In life sometimes it’s like a bad relationship. You don’t have to wait for it to get worse for you to leave and start over. And it took a few months for that to sink in. And I finally decided as much as I love the warm weather and the beach it’s just Not enough. I also decided to want more and say and be specific about what I want. I always dreamed of living in warm weather and by the beach. And I realize I got my desire. And that’s all I got exactly what I asked for. Now I will be more specific. I went home for Christmas to be around family and I felt like it empty jar being filled up . I did not realize how dehydrated I was to be around people that I know and love and love me in return. When you live around people you love and love you you’re not as desperate to be vulnerable just to have anybody around out of loneliness. I don’t know what the future holes but I will never settle if it’s not what I want. And I’m learning what I want

        1. I live in the southeast. Even if being born in this state (1st generation) the cliques vary from place to place. Where I live is lovely but the people, in general, are rude and malicious gossips. I was in a deep depression for three years until I realized that I was giving these people too much power over my joy. They are not important. I blow them off now and go about my business. I may, or may not stay here; but I will live my life despite everything. I am a Christian but do not attend church. I hike instead. Nature doesn’t gossip. Enjoy your life in the meantime. Don’t let ’em get your goat!

        2. Tuere-This is how I feel. But I am in Florida co-parenting a mentally Ill child. Your words are so much to how I feel, and the thing abut filling up an empty jar is spot on. Did you leave FLorida? If so may I ask where? I want to move to Oregon to be with my sister but I can’t leave my daughter.

  8. I miss the area I grew up. I had to move to Cleveland Ohio for college and can’t wait until I graduate. I miss the country and southern weather. But mostly I miss working with my horses daily. I have had some good times in the city, but the crime and cost of living is just awful.

  9. I do consider all the ideas you’ve introduced on your post.
    They’re very convincing and can definitely work. Still, the posts are very brief for newbies.
    Could you please lengthen them a bit from next time?
    Thank you for the post.

  10. I really appreciated this post. I moved from the largest city in my country to a small one to study. I thought I needed a change of scenery but the real reason was I think I needed out of the family home and my own place therefore I only applied out-with my city. Now I cannot help but kick myself for not aiming for them all as my family, friends, partner especially are all back there meanwhile I am in the small city that has a lack of people, character and stuff to do. It has been really getting me down lately.
    I am making attempts to meet more people but it is quite difficult. This article was kind of a kick up the bum to stop complaining and accept it, as I have tried to transfer but it isn’t possible. Hey, as I write this snow is falling outside my window 🙂

  11. I lived in Canada for a bit in Montreal, now I live back in the UK. From my comparison, I prefer Canada.
    The big skies, cities even the chain shops. I lived there enough for novelties to wear off in my opinion 4 months each time.
    I am now back in the UK but my 5 year plan is to emigrate to Canada. I guess some people are drawn to different places. Im not being negative about where I live and I heard some people moaning about things when I stayed in Montreal.
    I currently live in Edinburgh, many consider this to be one of the most beautiful cities!

    1. I would love to try living in more places, Edinburgh had being on my list. I wish I can get on a plane out of NY,but what always stopped me was I had being happier here once before, and then so many people don’t seem to dislike it like me. So I am always thinking it’s just me, anyhow my main point is I had never realized it’s a very real thing for many people to hate where they live.

  12. I am hating the house I live in. I need to try and change my attitude I am from Boston Massachusetts USA. I want to go to florida

    1. I’m from My and now liveflorida by way of paying. I must say every state is different. Florida has been drastically disappointing. I thought I would have soooooo many famers market and fresh fish noooooooo. It is not southern to say the least and that is cosigned by Southerners. It is could try. I like e in a beach town I lovv e my apartment. I love living near the beach. That’s it it’s s segregated living and recreationally.. The main thing g to do is drink and eat out which neither are my favorite part time. There are loads to do like paddle board kayaking surf boogie board, air boat, museums, festivals everywhere. My biggest complaint is making friends people don’t mind goes and e erveryone already has their friends and family. I live here alone. I have tried this GS after two years of no friends to have fun with it gets depressing. It hi g a tourist spot makes it worst a lot of temporary transients. Everyone I meet without children seem to be waiting to die. They have no interest or their retired and they have all day and their life are tneir grandkids I do t want to move to another area because .its coasta?l not took hot to cool in winter months. My apartment is beautiful my management is wonderful. If your a renter then you understand. Hard combination to find nice apartment neighbors and good management affordable rent near the beach. The other downside is the salaries are below market value for decent rent. Unemp!oyment is 250 no matter what you make for only 2 1/2 months. My uncle is currently under chemo and lives with my 95 year old granddaughter. I go every three months for a 4 days. I use all my vacation and I drive e 10 hrs there and back. Id have been trying to decide to keep you g back and forth for the beach. Or like e closerther an hour away from each. It doesn’t get too cold in Williamsburg. But this article has a major point attitude. VA has cultural things to attend more do and more diverse closer to family. The reason for my move was further from family warmer weather and closer to a beach. I’m soooooo torn. If I leave Fl I won’t go back. That I know.

  13. I can’t say that I am hating where I live but I definitely don’t feel like spending my whole life here without trying to live somewhere different,somewhere more beautiful, more interesting and kind of exotic. We live once after all and we should explore and discover all our lives long. This is my philosophy! 🙂 Thanks for sharing!

  14. I uprooted for my hubby’s job from Phoenix to CT. I am not a New England girl. I have lived in many different places, and this one is the pits for sure. I wish I had a dime for the number of times people from CT tell me I was nuts to ever move here. People seem to be generally miserable here, and I miss the sun and sunny faces in AZ. There’s urban, and fun and chic and cool. Then, there’s just urban. I want to go home, and it’s been the longest two years of my life. I love NY City, RI, VT, and even NH and ME (I have lived in both) and CT definitely has much to improve upon.

  15. I don’t agree with something you wrote. You said ‘option #2 won’t work if you can’t master #1″. Well, myself and also another friend I know both hated where we lived. We each found homes and we’re good now.
    Being unhappy in your home does NOT mean you cant be happy somewhere else!

  16. “Don’t be one of those people who constantly complains about something, yet doesn’t do a thing to change it.” What if you don’t currently have the financial means to get out of the place you hate living in?! I Utterly HATE where I live, asking me to love this place is like asking the impossible of me. Unfortunately I don’t have enough money to move out of the place I currently live in, Heaven knows I’d give ANYTHING to get put of here but right now we can’t.

  17. I have been happy in almost every place I’ve lived in my entire life – except Toronto. I have lived in A LOT of places. Sometimes it really is just where you live. The traffic, the culture, the lack of anything inspiring… I miss Calgary, I miss Vancouver, I miss Belgium, Florida, Dubai, Gibraltar, Curacao, heck – I really dislike the UK, but I even miss London compared to Toronto. Some places are just miserable lol.

    Unfortunately sometimes you get stuck due to finances and income :-/

  18. i dont really like the area i live in at the moment :but for time being will look at the area as if i am on holiday ;that seems like good advice ;i would like to move somewere more rural so i can enjoy outdoor life more ;you only live once ,so why not

  19. Great post. I lived in England and Hong Kong and love both while both places have their pros and cons. I moved to america due to my marriage and am really struggling to adjust. Thanks for writing this wonderful article. Everyone in HK should read it, it is one of the greatest cities in the world. Hopefully i can change my attitude towards where i currently am now. If not, hopefully one day my hubby will find a job in Hong Kong!

    1. If you are ambitious, successful, affluent, and you like the action, I get why you’d like it in HK. This situation is not applicable to me. If you’re a middle class earner, Hk is a stressful city and a needlessly struggle-oriented place.

      The grass is indeed greener just about anywhere else for someone in my situation.

      To put this in perspective for Americans, imagine working at 1/3 the salary of a New Yorker and paying Manhattan prices for everything!

  20. I moved from a small developing town in Sonoma county, to LA, where my boyfriend works, and I have never hated a place to live before. I am originally from New York, on long island, and I loved it there, visited Sweden, Italy, Puerto Rico, and all up the east coast. I have driven and seen most of West coast, but LA always gives me massive anxiety, from the traffic, to the lack of eye contact, to the fake rich people, to the suppressed low income people. I live smack dab in the middle of east LA, and I have never in my life had a problem with any location. I have tried doing my best to keep positive for the last 2 and a half years, and we cannot afford to move, which tends to make me feel more trapped in this place. I have tried making friends, but everyone is really incredibly flaky, and I cannot find a job because of how popular it is here, I could be a great candidate, but there’s twenty other people a hair of a fraction better than me. I try not to let that discourage me. I tried joining a yoga studio, and reaching out. I have asthma too, and I have never had such poor breathability in my life. I get T old that I’m just not trying enough, and I stay at home too much, but I have no money to get out. I contacted my doctor about seeing a therapist because I have been chronicly depressed about this for a while. I just want to be free from a place that takes so much away from my quality of life. I do give to myself to find balance in that, but since it effects my mental and emotional life so much, my healthy patterns are almost non exsistant. And Everytime I go away, I truly Fred coming back to LA. I do not know why anyone would like to live in a huge city. It’s so unhealthy.

    1. my darling Carina! I am exactly where you are now!!! I lived in Central Ca. for twenty years and loved it. Through no decision of my own, I now live in LA and I absolutely hate it! It is barbaric, smelly, intrusive, boorish and slutty! Why anyone would choose to live here is beyond me! My home was shady and cool and leafy and quiet; a warm day was 65 degrees. Here at its coolest it is 85 degrees but usually well into the nineties.And the sun blasts everyday. Every damn day!!! I lived in a house before, now and top this if you can…i live in a room..one room in a house with no trees.But I have met some incredible people and many wonderful puppy dogs that I routinely visit and share a kibitz. But I pine for my house and my life, and the beautiful quiet. Here everyone with an IQ of one is damn sure you want to hear their music of choice be it from their house next door or their idiot car screaming down the street at a thousand miles an hour. I hate it here, i will always hate it here. Change my attitude? Wrong answer! Never and that means never!! Oh btw I also have asthma, but seem to have more trouble with the digestion side of things than the lungs since moving to this nasty carnival.

  21. Carina, im currently live in California Orange County and love warm weather. My husband has accepted job in Boston Massachusetts. I probably have to move within a mouth from now June 2016 and am so depressed already just thinking about leaving California. I love adventures but can’t stand cold.
    You should drive to Orange Courty, go to beach. I want to stay here. I understand in LA downtown area is not clean and feel unbreathable. Enjoy this weather. Hope you will appreciate this weather.
    I’m still deciding… If I figure out how to make money without leaving my dogs and I stay here 🙂

    1. Soso CA is a hard act to follow. Im counting the days until we go back. That said, Boston is an amazing city!!! I hope you have a great experience. But I have felt the depression you are feeling.

  22. This article was so truthful and down to earth, thank you Kelly!
    After living in a place for years that I only ended up in because of my husband, I’m itching to get out!! I couldn’t explain it to him in any other way than “I’m not satisfied here”.
    I desperately needed to hear this perspective that I forgot about.
    The place that we live is amazing, I’m just at a point in my live where this place doesn’t suit my interests.

  23. I too have realized more and more recently, the last good number of years in Queens, NY, could have been much better. I actually for a long time knew I did not want to live here, I had actually left and somehow came back!!! Needless to say, I have probably being in a sort of limbo since then, here in body more than spirit.
    I was about to leave recently but got a lot of anxiety, and got very confused very quickly. I guess I was rushing and had other emotions going on. I still want to move, but can’t can’t seem to make it happen!! I am not sure what is stopping me, or why I can’t get a fire lit under my ass to get into action.
    I can’t say it’s all about loving living here that gets to me, I am more concerned about where I will be later in life, and I really have no family here in NY. but yes right now is very important also!
    I wish there was some way I can get busy packing or get busy living..any suggestions greatly welcomed.

  24. Mark and Sarah, thank you!!! I moved from southern CA to North Carolina (my husband is also in the military). We tried to look at the move as an adventure, but one year in it’s been an all around awful experience. It’s such a lower standard of living here. There’s nothing to do, all the restaurants are subpar compared to what we’re used to, people are so small-minded, zero job opportunities for spouses, more trailer parks than trees…I really can’t think of anything to like about it. We’ve given it our best shot, but now we’re just counting the days to get out of here! I don’t agree with this post that it’s all attitude, sometimes life just deals you a really sucky hand and all you can do it wait for the next one! Hope you’re situations improve!! I’m counting the days until we return to civilization!

    1. I do be!ieve that if you don’t compare your present to your past your perspective may change. What is the point of change if everything remains the same.

  25. I can totally relate to this article. I grew up in Maine and miss it every day. My husband’s job is in Maryland and he can’t find any jobs in his field in Maine. I feel like a prisoner. The cost of living here is so high as is the crime. It’s difficult to change perspective, but I know it’s what I will have to do to survive. I think we will be here forever. So depressing. I miss Mayberry! It’s nice to know other people feel this way.

  26. I don’t have a problem with where I live. I currently live in Carlsbad California weather is perfect mile from the ocean really couldn’t get much better. My problem is my heart is in Hawaii we moved there in 2003 and had to leave because of family health issues took me back to Utah then I went back to Hawaii where my heart is and then again my dad got ill and I had to leave and take care of him in Utah until he passed away. We were going to move back to Hawaii once again but then two of my boys decided to stay on the mainland so now I am torn I currently live in Carlsbad and want to be in Hawaii both places are amazing both places also have equal downfalls. No matter how much I appreciate where I’m at I am drawn to Hawaii every morning when I wake up that is where I want to be and it has caused a depression not that I’m choosing to be negative I just truly missed Hawaii but I am torn because I don’t want to leave my children. Thank you for the article but in this aspect even changing my attitude about where I live does not help the feeling of not being at home in Hawaii where I belong

  27. While I totally agree that attitude is everything I think there is a big piece missing here. When you visit a town, you are visiting. You are living there day in And day out. While it might be quaint during your short stay to shop at a limited grocery store or sit cozy by a fire, when this is your daily routine it is much much harder. When you come to a ski town to ski you are there for that sole purpose. You are not trying to live a “regular” life there. Yes, I find you can find the positives anywhere you live and try your best to make the most of where you live. That being said trying to say that about towns you just visit and acting like they just need a better attitude lacks the empathy of hearing why it can be a challenge to live there year round.

  28. Thank you for the article. I also moved from Canada to northern England for my partner . When I meet people here they often have same reaction as you described “how you moved here from Canada??”. I’m in general very positive person but I find it challenging to live here. If you’re a tourist here then that’s amazing but if you’re all settled down here then it’s different.
    I have my days when I get frustrated and miss my family and friends in Toronto. Today is one of those days so my husband sent me this article to feel better.
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

  29. Couldn’t disagree more with this article.It Is the people of the town where you live that makes it likeable or not.
    I am an open person, friendly and positive. I lived in Italy and in Calgary and I loved it. But here in Red Deer , it sucks, people sucks , they are not friendly period. Maybe you should just live several years in different places before coming to this conclusion/article.

    1. I totally agree! I’m somewhere now where the people are shallow, uninterested. Come from vibrant communities elsewhere in 3 countries where people are engaging, interested in helping others, interested in community, and open-minded. It really doEs matter where.

  30. I don’t think is only a “you must try game”… I am the only foreigner in a very small village, where my husband was born and grew (and both his parents!!). People ignore me. I am friendly, I tried to mix, but I was not accepted for thousand reasons: I am not religious, I have no kids, I don’t speak the local dialect (I learned the language of the country,tho…)… it is sooooo frustrating. When I go to parties, I end playing cards or games with the kids, because somehow they love me! I even got a Godson, because he asked me to be, but I couldn’t baptize him, as I am not registered as catholic in the local church.

    It is all very complicated. =( I am not totally depressed because I have a very interesting online life: friends, my work and from time to time I even cross the border to another country to be part of meetups I get to know online. Mostly in Belgium or Luxembourg, where people seem to be much more friendly than in Germany.

  31. I miss my old home on the coast. Felt inspired there. Crabbed off my dock, walked the beach, ride bikes, outside concerts. Just enjoyed nature and friendly neighbors. I moved to Charlotte NC and hate it. Big city feel ,traffic,neighbors not friendly…. Stuck ! Can’t go back for job reasons. I’m depressed and miss my home. 3 years and miserable!

  32. I live in a city on a small island in the Mediterranean.
    I am originally british but have loved here since I was 5. Niw I am 30, and married.
    Me and hubby both feel the urge to leave, since our way of living, ideas, mentality does not really match up to where we live…
    He is in a job he does like and doesnt pay well, but works good hours. ( until 2)

    I have managed to start my own business, doing something I enjoy, but for me and hubby work isn’t everything …

    I hate being one of those people that stay somewhere because of work and i feel this is what i am doing..

    We both want a more simple life.. In my country, in the city people are very materialistic and there is nothing nature oriented here… It’s hard not to get caught up with the daily routine and materialistic life style….
    We rent a lovely house, family is here, both of us work good hours, but here there is nothing to do….

    We love nature hiking walking…. Our country is smaller that London… We are in a very small place, and people are not expectance to anyone who is a bit different…
    We feel a bit left out…

    And we are not Orthodox, and dont really have a church we can go to and feel part of….

    This is why we are thinking to move… Go to The Uk, and live in Wales or Cornwall ( we love the places 🙂 ) life is so simple there and the places are beautiful.

    But don’t know if it is right to do so…
    My business? In some way this makes me feel secure… But i feel it’s just not the life style we wont… Miney making life style…

    Any input would be appreciated…

  33. hi, it’s good you like where you live
    every one else, please call the police to have this writer go on a trip to vietnam, Pakistan or middle Asia, maybe this writer needs a lttle time to know about the world and get experienced.
    after this, the writer will block this post and write about war, stress, and studying hard and poor people.
    thank you

  34. We moved to NH so our kids could attend college they were accepted to……regret it big time. I hate it here…..people are weird, odd, low class …..rude at best…..there is nothing to do but ski mountains if you are rich and able…..or hike in summers hoping a bear won’t block your way……I cannot move because once we moved here, my husband linked up with some loser who destroyed our marriage then she moved on to someone else…….i don’t have the money to do anything…….my car died and now I am stuck in a small crappy town with buses that only run 8 to 4 weekdays…….it sucks and i wish I had never moved here but sent my kids to the U of Fl instead……..

  35. Hi Kelly! I’m happy I found your post. I’m a Brazilian living in Eastern Europe,and I came for one year of exchange program, but finally married a local. And reading your text just made me remember to be positive again. The country I am is ok, but people are so cold and unhappy that just destroys my energy. Sometimes is difficult to keep up in such environment, based on that even locals really want to move abroad. But I’ll be focused on seeing the bright side! 😉 Surely that are many.

  36. Thanks for this post–and all of the comments. I found this after Googling “how to learn to like where you live.” Originally from the US west coast, I’ve lived in Mexico City for more than seven years. It’s a fascinating place, but 22 million people live here and the stress that comes from the constant struggle for space has worn me down. I recently returned from a long trip to South America and now, I constantly fantasize about living in Chile or Uruguay–countries whose entire populations are smaller than that of this megacity. Before I make plans to move south, I really need to try to like living here again. Reading this was the swift kick in the butt I needed.

  37. Oh to be so lucky. Sigh…

    My husband proposed a move with a new job offer. I went to visit and cried, literally cried. I knew it would be bad. He said either we all go, or he would and threatened that he would not commute back to see us if he went by himself. Sadly, we all went.

    This place is so redneck it is embarassing. The nearest biggest town is an hour drive. Grocery store is filthy, tiny and has minimal necessities. Dollar store is the only other place to grab a pair of pants in case of emergency. The mall in small dirty drug infested town nearby closed down. The only people that like it here have spent their lifetime growing up here and all they do is fish and hunt. I don’t.

    The job was supposed to make us good money and we would build the house of our dreams on the lake. Nope, he lied. It makes decent money, we bought a fixer up in the center of town. Parents show up to parent teacher conferernces either in so much make up it looks like clown day or in dirty hunting boots, straight out of the field. They even park on the lawns around here, right. beside. a. driveway. Ugh..

    The only place the locals go is the Casino, um no thank you.

    The “countryside” is all owned by farmers so there will be no picnics with kiddos, or sight seeing or swim on a hot summer day. Besides, the bacteria growing in those places keeps us out. Literally. There are notices everywhere.

    Obesity is everywhere. Yuck. Fried food. Fried pies. Fried taters. Please people…any farmers markets around here???? Even the kids are obese and so overweight some middle school children are wearing 3 x shirts.

    There are no bike trails, heck I nearly die each time I walk my dog on these narrow streets. People could care less if you are walking or biking. They fly by, doing well over the speed limit and often times yell at you for being on the road. If you try to get to the country well arm yourself for those “good old boys” that believe their dogs can roam the country and they bite! Animal control will pick them up and next thing you know, their kids are giving my kids a hard time because their dog gotten taken away. Next time you go by, they will have twice as many.

    Not to mention the state of Oklahoma is one of the worst in animal cruelty. Porches with tied up emaciated dogs….oh I cry as a type this.

    Growing up I wanted a beach. My husband knew that. He is originally from Houston. Where did we go? A small run down town, far from anything. It is depressing. Each day, I nearly mark my calendar to how many more days until I can run far from this God forsaken town.

    Since the move almost 5 years ago, there are no date nights. No special outings. No celebrations of any kind really. It was the worst thing we ever did.

    So no, we can’t just change our attitudes. Sometimes, it is REALLY what it is.

  38. I definitely recognise my own attitudes in this post and some of the comments. Having moved from the north of England to the south Wales coast, our friends and family think we are mad but after a year we are done with it and it has made us appreciate that we actually loved where we were. Unlike many commenters here we have no ties, and thanks to the lack of good jobs and expensive housing we haven’t even taken our stuff out of storage yet so we are looking for work back home and moving asap. 🙂 I can’t wait to get back to normal!

  39. UTAH!!!# am here and situation i am in is despicable
    63 years all over the world now I am in hell
    My advice isn’t attitude
    It is fly in go snowboarding
    Or ski go to airport and leave
    That’s right in not mormon

  40. I think its more about the lifestyle. I live in the North East and the thing that gets me is the bad weather and routine. Truthfully the sun is my tranquility – orange light puts me in such a wonderful mood. I’ve always dreamt of a place like Spain where life just seems to be in colour. Here I remember it in black and white. Its depressed, grey, full of chavs (people who swear, smoke, all wear tracksuits and look identical) and nothing happens! Then they all grow up have children and hate adventure, fun and wildness. Its unbelievably dull. Nobody does anything, like they find a career and do for it, never enjoying it and the worse part about that is that they don’t care! Furthermore is health, my skin hates the cold and decides to flare up, also when your cold you want fattening things, meaning everyone is like that and its hard to workout when everyone around you judges you for trying. Spain has exotic fruits and salads that would be much more enjoyable in the heat. There are so many more points, but you just know when you don’t belong somewhere and here is not it. I’d recommend it if you were in search of a peaceful life but I like places with culture, such as Japan and a routine which involves the sun. Its not that I don’t appreciate it, I mean safety wise I’d say its not too bad but as a lifestyle, I prefer to make memories with excitement.

    1. I needed to read not only this article concept, but the individual feedback as well. I truly needed to know that I’m not alone in my mixed feelings of despair, frustration, isolation and/or confusion. Sometimes those of us in misery don’t necessarily need “company,” but a bit of empathy and understanding sure go a long way to make us feel heard and understood. Reading the stories of others has finally made me feel a sense of validation. Feeling lost where I’m supposed to be at “home” has been one of the strangest, most difficult emotions I have ever experienced.

      Due to tragic circumstances, I have little to no control to change city that I sincerely dislike for so many reasons. Even worse, I dislike D.C. for personal reasons that significantly impact my quality of life beyond factors, such as pollution, noise, over crowding, cost of living and crime – all of which also greatly deter from my quality of life. Nonetheless, I am currently stuck, waiting for a specific “out” and wondering how to make the best of a truly awful situation in the meantime. I appreciate the suggestions in the article. I can implement some of them – most definitely. I can make the most of a city people travel the world over to visit, and I can make connections. I needed those reminders. In the throws of situational depression, it’s hard to remember these tips though. It’s truly difficult.

      Thank you to all of you who shared your own experiences. The next time I’m hating having to ride a train across town just to shop, or having to visit the doctor because the area’s pollution has worsened my already declining health, or worried about my safety while waiting for a bus, I will remember that I am not alone. We are not alone.

      1. Hi. This is Madhura. I am from India. I have shifted from Delhi to Kolkata couple of months ago. I am still getting adjusted to the city. I find everything so boring around here. Despite the fact that I wanted to come back ‘home’ at some point of level, I feel sad at times. So I can relate to you.

    2. I’m in the same situation Isabella. Also put on weight due to the gray weather when I dream of the sun and sea, fresh fruits and seafood. The NE of England sounds like the US Midwest, where I’m stuck. Statistically an unhealthy place (it’s not just me). Dream of betters days/retirement somewhere much nicer but grey days are long and life is short …

  41. I live in a “travel destination, just like Banff, same kind of scene, people come from all over the world. It’s not a negative attitude, it’s that living in a place in different from visiting, and you don’t bother to account for that at all. It’s all postcard perfect for you as you drive through, but you don’t understand the economics of living there, the kind of people who actually live there year-round, etc. In Vail, sure it’s a nice destination, but the people here are generally mean-spirited degenerates that hate everyone and just want to ski, it costs an insane amount of money to live here, and we get shit on by overly demanding asshole tourists all year. It seems so nice, and the one guy seemed negative, because in towns like this, EVERYONE works in hospitality (or real estate), so we’re super nice to visitors because we basically have to be. It’s a small town. We see you at work, we see you around town while your here. It doesn’t mean the two days of paradise you experience would simply be that heavenly every day if you actually lived here. I hate when people who have no clue write articles expressing their narrow minded, uneducated, inexperienced views as gospel.

    1. Totally agree with Jack. I’ve lived in three tourism destinations and two of them sucked for exactly this reason. I grew up in one and tourism increased over the years to the point where all our local shops closed down and became restaurants, bars, upmarket boutiques for the tourists. Property prices ratcheted up eventually forcing locals out (who wants to live in a tourist trap anyway). I hate to knock all tourists but some of them have mental health problems, are pedophiles, or just louts looking for amusement with waitresses and local girls. It gets unpleasant really fast. I would avoid tourist destinations as a permanent home base like the plague, no matter how pretty, unless you want to make a living that way. Just be aware that life in Banff or anywhere else isn’t idyllic as the pictures … bad weather and people happen everywhere.

  42. I love where we moved and can’t imagine living anywhere else. I bought a farm and built a house and am establishing a community where I would love to raise my future children. But my husband of six years is miserable. He says he doesn’t want to leAve me but he is constantly depressed. He can’t keep a job and it is always someone else’s fault. He doesn’t like the people here and misses home. But I remember him saying the same thing about our old place. I understand his point of view but am at a loss about what to do. How van I improve his life and happiness?

  43. Until you’ve lived in the town in South Dakota that I live in, DON’T tell me to change my attitude about this place! I don’t care if you think that I’m a pessimist that will hate everywhere I live, because you’re making a rash assumption without having ever lived where I have. This town IS uninspiring, it’s got no natural beauty (it’s a pretty ugly part of the state), and the locals here are cliquey, and don’t like outsiders (I’m not originally from here, and I constantly stabbed in the back by the local populous). Frankly, moving would be the best thing that could ever happen to me, because literally – just about anywhere (save for maybe a third world country) would be better than here… (and even that third world country might be better… I live only a short drive from one of the indian reservations… and this state’s reservations are about as close as you can get to a third world country on U.S. soil.)

  44. I move to Finland almost 5 years ago after finishing the University and I have hated it all the way, at the beginning I was super positive and full of energy but bad things started to happen and continue. I had never experienced any racism or discrimination before until I move here and its really something deep inside their culture even if they want to pretend otherwise.
    During this 5 years I have met a lot of nice people from other parts of the world but most of them have ran away because they haven’t like the country and the few left are very bitter and depressed as me. The weather is also a big issue and its the worst I have experienced, the cold and darknesss o long time are really bad. I use to love the sun and tropical places so I am actually living in the opposite landscape.

    I can not move now back to my homeland (which I really like and love) at least for the next 2 years. So I really dont know how to change my perspective and try to not be homesick anymore. I have done as much as I could to adapt, I have worked very hard and pay my taxes, I dont get any benefits from the government and I am studying the language which is incredibly hard but still its like a everyday -battle to go out and interact with this society which I dont understand or like. I feel that a big part of people are not having any basic polite manners, they are very rustic, alcoholics, sometimes rude and not so educated as you might think. This is a tough place if you are a working immigrant.

    I am so uncomfortable here and sometimes I feel bad because my husband is Finnish and I hate that he has to see me not loving his culture and depressed. He is very different from the other finns I have met though because he has traveled a lot and lived in other countries but I still wish that I didn’t have to worry him with this. What could I do to manage two more years here? Is something wrong with me? I am doing something wrong? I feel that my life is just passing by and I am frozen. 🙁

  45. I live in Los Angeles, California and I wake up knowing every day that I have to get out of here. I have been here 5 years. From Oregon. 5 of the hardest most craziest years of my life. I wake up always trying to stay positive. I work so hard and setting money aside to move. I probably didn’t the last 3 years bitching and complaining and not doing anything about it primarily because I didn’t have the financial means to leave and I have explored the entire city, done all the hikes, lived all over, explored, adventured, egro ended people from all over the world, ate amazing ethnic food.. I know this city like the back of my hand.. all of those things are great.. the things to do and that’s been fun but still no matter how how much I’ve jumped around here it’s still the same story. Crowded, expensive, have to share tiny spaces, flaky people, rude, inconsiderate awful drivers, traffic, sitting on freeways hours and hours, always noisy, can never get peace of mind, rich snobby people everywhere amongst poor people dieing on the street, takes hours to drive to nature, pollution, trash, the energy sucks here and it sucks your soul right out with it. I never feel comfortable here and finally I am doing something about leaving. I’ve never hated a place so much and I’ve tried and have tried changing my perspective. LA might have been beautiful years and years ago but humans have ruined it. And the general population is a bunch of assholes.
    Excluding some locals and the people that come from other countries. Those people have been the nicest.
    I won’t miss you LA but atleast you’ve taught my some lessons.

  46. Not true…lol.
    I wanted to leave the place I was born since forever. It was a backwards, racist, super-religious hellhole in the South.
    I was never going to be happy there. Moved away the minute I could. Best thing I ever did. Sometimes you don’t need to “learn to appreciate ” a bad place in order to be happy elsewhere…even if it isn’t a ” war zone”.

  47. This resonated so highly with me, as somebody currently living in Hawaii, which is the place that many people aspire to move to once they have acheived great enough success in life.
    I am in my late twenties and moved here for my partners job. I’ve lived in cities all over the world, and have always dreamed of living in France or in Switzerland, as I speak multiple languages and have the citizenship ability to be able to do so.
    While initially I was in love with the ocean and the incredible beauty of the Hawaiian islands, I have become more and more depressed as times go back with the lack of opportunity to speak the languages I love, the routine of a boring career, and the lack of permanent friends (military populations here are very transient). I’ve been struggling to adjust my perspective – this article helped very much, as did reading the comments of many other people who live in beautiful locations but who struggle too.

  48. Well about 11 months ago My husband and I and our middle daughter moved from Huntsville, Al to Austin, Tx. We really had no choice in the matter because, my husband had been unemployed for 9 months and the only job that presented itself was in Austin. We left behind 2 other daughter and their husbands and a wonderful church and community of friends that we have had for the past 12 years. I am a massage therapist but the pay here in Austin for a massage therapist is dreadful. My husband and My daughter go to work everyday and I am left at home by myself. I miss my other family and daughters badly and we all really do not care for Austin at all. Way too much traffic and the liberalism here is awful. I am so sad and always down in the dumps. We are seriously thinking to more back south and try to find a job closer to the family.I am just afraid that my husband will not be able to find a job and we will be stuck here in Austin ,Tx. I guess the biggest thing I am afraid of missing is being a gramma when my 2 other daughters start having babies. I do not know how to be happy here if we end up staying here or how not to be mad at God for putting us here. I really hate living here i Austin and yearn for living in the south again.

  49. I have lived in communities that the locals didn’t like, but I loved. Those places were different than where I came from so I could appreciate the exoticism. When it comes to one’s own hometown, it’s another matter all together. Driving down the same few places and looking at the same handful of faces your whole life, can make you feel crazy. No matter how nice those people and places, the brain craves change, new knowledge, new sights. (Not to mention when dating, you can assume your bf/gf is a distant cousin if your family is deeply rooted in the region. The drive to move on to another area maybe motivated by the search for non-familial DNA for your offspring.) The smaller your hometown, the faster you get sick of it because there is more exposure to the same sights and activities. So disliking one’s hometown is normal. I’ve experienced it. It’s best to leave right after high school, when you’re young and selfish and starry-eyed. The longer you stay around your town, the more obligations you pick up, the more attached you get to your parents and siblings, and the more difficult it is to leave. It’s not impossible to move away as a proper adult, but it is more difficult.

  50. I just long for people peace and quiet away from other people and near the sea. But I am stuck in a flat surrounded by screaming gulls, screaming drinks at night, wailing buskers during the day. I long for quiet and solitude. Which takes money I will never have. I will never achieve my dream of living in the north of Scotland. I am in my 50s and the jobs that are open to me won’t allow what I long for. It feels that life is wasted on me and might as well be over. In my flat, I live with ear plugs in all the time. I just want quiet.

  51. None of you talk about a scenario where one is in love with home country and finds it difficult to stay abroad ..say like me:) Coming from a tropical country I see other places to be cold///

  52. Although I appreciate this article, for those who have lived somewhere they loved and where they thrived and then moved someplace they felt stunted–it is very difficult. I am unable to move because of my husband’s career and it has been almost impossible to find the things I enjoy here not to mention the cost of living and traffic which can be quite limiting. 20 years and counting . . . it is often a struggle to keep a good attitude.

  53. LOL I live in boring Ottawa Ontario voted most boring city in Canada.
    Live in awful neighborhood . I have nearly been mugged 3 times.
    I hjave window bars and cctv protecting inside & outside of my apartment 24 hours a day 7 days a week prior to cctv had 5 burglary attempts. I stay indoors as I do not wish to get mugged. I cannot wait to get out of this hell hole. I have never hated a place as much as I hate Ottawa. I have traveled all over Southamerica, USA, Canada & Europe. And if I could choose somewhere to live , I would return to my country Peru.
    If I have to remain in Canada I would choose Victoria BC or Vancouver .
    Yes for now I am stuck in a place I truly hate and I am doing my best to get out of this situation.

  54. If you hate where you live, get away at the weekends. Camping is great and there are campsites and state/national parks within most areas. Visit the museums in a nearby town. Learn a foreign language at night school or take a TEFL course so you can meet outsiders. It’s hard moving to a new place as most natives don’t want to know newcomers. You can also live somewhere your whole life and not fit in, especially if you’re a country dude in the city or vice versa. Join MEETUP to find other llikeminded souls. Rescue a dog so you have to get out more. Maybe do agility with it or train for pet therapy together. I am a trailing spouse who hates where they live by the way (southern Ohio). There are no beaches or mountains or many cultural things to do and the climate sucks. Most people are unfriendly and there’s no sense of community. Those are the facts, honestly, but I’m stuck here. There’s a river and a couple of small lakes so you have to take a little boat or kayak out as that’s all this to do really in summer (apart from a swimming pool). Books are my great solace. The world belongs to those who read is one of the signs on my bookshelf … escapism can begin at home.

    1. I love your response! I hate where I live! I have never seen snow. I hate the town I live in, I came from a tiny town in Florida, the town I live in now used to be small but is so big & everything is for the tourists it is plain depressing.My hubby won’t leave his mom so I am stuck here or I could leave still haven’t made up my mind on that one yet. I agree with you about getting out on the weekends etc. My friends and I go on road trips to the springs etc, which resets your mind.

  55. This was the perfect article i have been looking for. Having completed my mbbs, we are to move to a different town as my father’s retirement is due this month.Settling down in a new place and the fear of change is what was eating me inside out since the past few days. And to add to it, the stress of constructing our new home. Most important of all, i have to clear my pg entrance examinations due in december. A lot of things on my mind right now. Hope i am able to cope with it.

  56. Was convinced by my husband to move to a retirement
    Community in Florida that I had not even visited. I am from
    WI snd hate it here. I miss the 4 seasons and would take snow
    Anytime over this heat and humidity which is most of the time
    It is like a nursing home here and people stay inside most of the time

    Next year I will go back over summer and spend 5 months
    There. That is the only way I can make this work

  57. Great article and very relevant to me. I moved from the UK to a small island in the sun (except winters are colder and wetter), and there are things I love about it, and have made a real effort to enjoy it and made lots of friends. I chose to go because my work allowed it and thought that if I don’t do it now then I never will. I wasn’t someone who moaned about the weather in the UK – I don’t mind it! I’m really glad I did make the move but I also gave up a number of things I like that are really part of my identity that I cannot get here (not just material things). The other big thing is that schools for my children are not great here and don’t offer the choice the UK has – even if I try to change my attitude I cannot improve the schools. And living costs are high.

    Moving has really made me appreciate the UK more. I think I knew it before moving but didn’t want to miss the opportunity to experience life in another country.

    I do worry that if I do move back I will long for the things I have where I am now, but I do know that I have really tried here and it’s a combination of practical things (schools, living costs) and identity that make me want to move back.

    1. Hi HR
      I can relate to your feelings . We moved also from UK to a small island due to relocation of my work, I was very happy there but my wife and kids were miserable, though my wife did her best to see the benefits of the place she missed UK so much and felt the kids are missing so much – not only the education bothered her but also the fact there is no culture there, and if there is it’s not in English. Two years later I got another offer to relocate us to another island- we thought it would be a good opportunity, a good change . First year was great we were all happy and I finally felt we are in the right place, but slowly things that we tried to avoid from seeing were too obvious later . Like you say school is not great , culture and aformal education is barely exist here, though there are some advantages for this island there are also many disadvantages. This summer we have been to the UK and realized that the disadvantages are bigger then the advantages . So now in the process of moving back to The UK. Yes there is much to do butl it worth the effort. We tried to come with the right attitude and we love new experiences but I think in our case it’s not the attitude it’s the different culture. I guesss island’s mentality is not for everyone. We tried ,experienced and got the idea. We might miss the weather and maybe the feeling of more laid back but I am willing to give up all this for the sake of so many good things you can get and give to your children in the UK.
      I wish all of you to find happiness where you are, and if it’s possible and you can – move ! don’t force yourselves to stay in a place you are not happy, if you tried your best and still not happy then time to admit it’s not working and move on.

  58. Hi! I love your post! It very eloquently written! I loved hearing other people’s posts as well!

    Here is my story. Any thoughts from the writer or readers are welcome. I would appreciate your input!

    I moved to Athens, Greece from Chicago, IL in July of 1999. Even though I am Greek-American, I still had a lot of adjusting to do when I first came to Greece. I was negative and cranky for a while, in the beginning. Fear was my number one enemy. Fear of the unknown. Fear of failure. Fear of uncertainty. After I came to terms with this fear, I started thinking more positively and enjoying myself. Perspective is everything, for sure. I became happier.

    I worked as an English teacher in a language institute for 10 years here in Greece. At the beginning, things were pretty satisfying. The pay was good for about half the years I taught there. I was happy. Overall, I was a great teacher and worked very hard but towards the last five years, I was underpaid and unappreciated by the owners. The only thing that kept me going were my students. I was unhappy. I was miserable.

    I then had a baby and quit. I was happy again! I haven’t regretted quitting. I realize how unhappy I really was in that job. I just don’t know why I stayed at that stagnant job so long. I am happier now as a result.

    In 2016, I got another job but as soon as I accepted the new job, I got pregnant, so I withdrew my job application. I lost the baby a couple of days later. I was torn. Then my father-in-law passed away, to make matters worse. My mother-in-law’s Alzheimer’s was progressing. I live in a cramped apartment of 50 square meters. It’s too small for a family of three. Our daughter of four still sleeps in the same room as we do. We have no room! I am still miserable. I just found out I am not pregnant, when I hoped I was. Overall, I am a happy-go-lucky person. The things that keep me going are my family, my parents, my sister in the US and her boys, my friends, my online teaching job. But sometimes it’s so hard to be happy.

    I want to be that happy-go-lucky person again. I don’t want to keep crying every day.

    Sometimes there are tangible problems we have in life; happiness and satisfaction are not always a matter of perspective. It of course helps to be have a positive perspective.

    My problems are largely financial. We are stuck in a small apartment, next-door to my sick m-i-l, listening to her fights with her other son, trying to prevent her from calling the police because her (deceased) husband is missing, etc. Obviously, if I had more money, I would leave this prison in a flash! I would be happier if I could leave. I would just want to change apartments or move to a smaller city.

    Anyway, perspective will play some role in determining where my family and I will end up in the future as the more positive I am, the more motivated I will be to move out. So, I will work hard to find different ways of making money to get out of this hole. So, there are a combination of factors that change our perceptive.


  59. Wow honestly I’m blown away by this thread. For me you’ve hit the nail right on the head. I’ve lived in Manchester England most of my adult life and for many years I’ve been visiting the coast and I’ve fallen in love being there and I also I have family up in Scotland and when I’m having a sad day, my mind wanders and thinks of packing up and moving on but the grass is not always greener. I’ve got a job and a roof over my head but not many friends but truth is, I’m a bit of a loner anyway. I think you’ve answered my prayers and as you say, start seeing where I live as a nicer place to live and stop being so negative. Thank you so much for what you have written. I think I now know what I have to do and that is just to visit more places like the coast but try and enjoy what I have back home .One thing I know in life is that when I eventually retire, I will move to the coast and live the rest of my days there. Thank you once again and good luck to everyone else who might be going through the same predicament.

  60. Hello! I truly hate where I live been here 2 years and I thought it would get better it’s just getting way worse! Moved here due to my husbands job he claims this is the only place paying welders top dollar. We bought a house in a crappy town that is boring nothing to do at all. I have 2 small children. I miss my mom and dad in tenesseee I sometimes think about moving back and getting a job cause I hate it here so much. I know if I leave this crap hole Louisiana to go back home it might be a divorce because my husband already says he will not do long distance. Not sure what I’m gonna do but I hate Louisiana it’s the worst place I ever lived!

    1. I finally came to Gris that some places are better than others. Some places woolen are more welcoming. I have grown and my perspective has changed. I don’t like Florida and it doesn’t like me. I will not try anymore to make IT work. I was told ba a family member “of it doesn’t work leave” she also said that things don’t have to be horrible to leave.

  61. I don´t know which bar you went in Spain in 2014 but in 2014 smoking in bars/restaurant was and still be forbidden LOL

  62. It’s somewhat ironic that you used Banff as an example that is exactly where I want to move back to after living there for over ten yrs. I am currently in a beautiful part of Ontario that everyone loves which is fine but I’m done! It’s not for me- the mountains and lifestyle are always on my mind. I tried in the last year to stay grounded and I do pretend I’m a guest here and that’s also easy since I have a BnB here-the unfortunate part now is I feel stuck since my kids are 6&8 and my husband won’t move now. I can’t leave them and I take at least two trips a year back but it’s that feeling that just won’t leave. Life’s too short to not fully do what you want … but I’m in a situation where I need to take the back burner for a bit and it’s sucking my soul. Maybe I’m selfish!

  63. Hey, I’m stuck in Florida with tourists, snow birds and spring breakers!!! 91,000 more retirees are moving here.
    I want out but I am from Canada, brrrr!!! What is one to do????
    From reading how miserable everyone is I realize I don’t have any problems. Rent out my condo on the river and travel!!!!
    Thanks for the letters.

  64. Perspective ? Attitude ? Really …..:) I am from Ahmedabad India…a place of communist …Where if you are Muslim you won’t be able to Buy or Rent House or Shop in their area…..I have traveled 10 countries UAE IRAN IRAQ OMAN UK EGYPT SAUDI ARABIYA KENYA TANZANIA…..i am always in dilemma where to live peaceful life and equally earn good money …at last have settle in the place where i don’t like in Ahmedabad due to property and responsibility to raise the children and look after old age parents….Now about the article one point is great for me “Pretend you are a tourist” and i hope this will give some fresh outlook about the place i don’t like….

  65. dr_mack@( yahoo. ) com…… restored my relationship, my boyfriend came back to me, i took him back and I am now settled with my him ..?????

  66. My issue with where I live is mostly the weather. As an example, it snowed last Fall before the end of October, and this year we’ve had snow on April 19. That’s nearly 6 months of winter weather. In the summer, we are right in the path of almost every major thunderstorm system that zips through the Ohio valley region. I lose electricity several times a year, mostly in summer thunderstorms. We have floods in this area frequently, and my own garage has had 2 feet of water in it twice in a 3 year period of time. It rains on average 150 days a year – in the summer it’s those hot muggy days with 1 or 2 gully-washer thunderstorms coming through almost every day from late June to early August. In winter and spring it’s chilly, gray and drizzly 4 or 5 days a week. In lucky years, we have a dry September and early October and I live for Labor Day, hoping to get 4 or 5 weeks of nice weather to tide me over for another year. I am trying to re-locate. I won’t move till I find a job elsewhere and I apply to about a dozen jobs in other states every month. I can’t just quit and move without a job to go to because my area is also economically depressed, and it will probably take months if not a couple years to sell my house.

    The illusion that we are all simply free to pick up and leave any time we want is a myth. Economic reality makes slaves of us all.

  67. I have lived in Los Angeles for the past 12 years. I moved here at the tender age of 22, and I have gotten so much out of it. During that time I had many experiences, many different jobs, and constantly searching for a wonderful relationship (that’s been the hardest challenge thus far). Here’s the irony: I finally met a wonderful guy, and I am 6-months into the best relationship I have ever been in. He just moved to Los Angeles last Fall (yes, we met right when he moved here on the recommendation of a mutual friend) to begin a career as a professor.

    So here’s the catch: I have always planned to eventually leave LA, and move somewhere with more trees and less people. I feel strongly that I am ready to leave – I’m over it. I’ve gotten what I need out of Los Angeles and the increase in rent costs and everything else, increase in traffic (unbelievably, its gotten MUCH worse in the last decade, and it was already terrible!) make me feel weary. I literally have a kind of “City Fatigue” and I wake up every morning somewhat depressed that I am surrounded by it. However, I love this man and I feel like the relationship is important, people are not just replaceable. Why would I end a really supportive, healthy relationship?

    I’m 34 and starting to feel like that time in my life to try out new cities, and have exciting experiences is dwindling. I don’t feel like I belong in LA anymore, on so many levels – will I be happy if I never tried living in Portland, Seattle, Boulder, or somewhere else? But because of his job, my boyfriend is definitely looking at 4+ years in LA to not only succeed in a career he has worked incredibly hard for, but to preserve his reputation in the field (you don’t just take a professorship and leave in a year because you don’t like the town).

    Any thoughts from anyone? Glad I found this post, and its been nice to see what others have shared, here.

    1. You know I do truly understand the dilemma I lived in Florida for 3 years and did not make not one solid friend the ironic thing is when I moved away to Virginia I became closer to the one friend I did make. And what I also found out is that hindsight is always 20/20. I don’t regret leaving Florida but I do miss it but I know that I can never go back because of the reasons why I left. I left to be closer to family I was 10 hours away from the closest family member my grandmother is aging and I wanted to be there in her last year’s too I wasn’t making enough money to enjoy my life there as much as I wanted to. My suggestion to you is move on and if you don’t like where you end up and if your relationship is really strong you can always rekindle the spark. But I wouldn’t sacrifice my my life for a person because at the end of the day you have to be for filled. You can evolve your life around the location but you also can evolve your life around a person it has to be a balance. You have to decide what is the most important things to you that you cannot live without. Because maybe going to a different place you might realize staying in a place you’re tired of for one person is not enough multiple people maybe more better of a sacrifice but not one person. And if you struggled making friends for so long and that place then I would say that’s a little lopsided to stay for that one person that you found and maybe the next place you go you’ll have multiple people you’ll have options of friends boyfriends and create and then creating your own family. But I don’t think one person would be enough because that just means that there’s a hunger there that wasn’t satisfied before and now you have it but he’s really not the end or bill because then if it doesn’t work out your back to not having anybody so when you have more than one you have options more than one friend not necessarily a boyfriend

  68. I think this is true of many people, and I’ve certainly harped on people for always thinking their problems magically “go away” if they just moved, but there is the flip side to the coin where sometimes some places simply suck for your personality. I acknowledge where I am (Portland, OR) is great for many people, but I think those people are crazy. The constant clouds and rain make it nearly impossible to want to leave the house most of the time, so I have no desire to hike or even go anywhere and do anything most of the time. I’m stuck here because of my girlfriend for about two more years, but thankfully there’s an end in sight. It all depends on what you find desirable in a place. If you love green and you don’t mind rain, and you’re extremely liberal, don’t mind crushingly high taxes, everything closing by 9 p.m., and boring suburbs, then Portland is your ideal place. As someone who wants more excitement, sun all of the time, doesn’t care about schools, wants low taxes, and enjoys swimming often, my ideal city is Las Vegas (also because of its proximity to Los Angeles, the film industry). Nowhere is perfect, everywhere has negatives, but I also think it matters that “your people” are found in abundance where you live. I never meet anyone in Portland who is not a liberal snowflake and for me, that ruins the place. I have nothing in common with these people whatsoever, I hate the weather, and you can’t change those things. You can make the best of your situation, you can enjoy good meals almost anywhere, you can find activities, but I’ve lived here most of my life and done most everything you can do, none of which I find that satisfying. Summers are gorgeous, but they’re too short and not worth the price of the entire year of bad weather. This article presumes that being a tourist and just passing by is something like living there, which it isn’t. Even aside from that, tourist stuff in Portland sucks. I hated Los Angeles too, but at least I can acknowledge that as a tourist it’s pretty awesome, there’s tons to do, there is overall very good weather (not as great as portrayed, but for the US, it’s good), and it’s a fun city. I think the biggest problem living there is the cost of living is so high, I found myself unable to afford much of the “fun” things the city offered. I also met nobody to experience them with as the city is full of some of the fakest, most rotten to the core individuals you’ll ever meet anywhere. It’s like a magnet for narcissists.

  69. I moved from Las Vegas to the Houston area about a year and a half ago, I just can’t grasp why I haven’t left and gone back to Las Vegas. My wife says she likes it here but I am miserable. My blood pressure has gone up and even after seeing a cardiologist and having them adjust my medication it still isn’t going down. I feel like I’m doing time in a place that I don’t want to be in. I don’t dislike Texas or the people here, I really just don’t understand them. People down here in my opinion have no grasp of reality. I went to work for the same company that my wife works for because it seemed like a nice place to work. I came from the casino industry as a Table Games Supervisor and worked most of my life in table Games as a dealer. I’ve met people from all over the world and have learned the ways of so many different cultures. It was very fulfilling. But I got bored living there and found myself nagging about wanting to get out of Vegas. But I’ve found the hard way that you don’t know what you got til it’s gone. We moved one other time to the Nashville area from Las Vegas for a few years to try something new and it was pure MISERY! I almost had a nervous breakdown living there. If you are not from the south and move to the south from the West or East coast then they will not hire you. You are the enemy. I eventually found work there but it just didn’t work out. Again my wife says she loved it there but she was making $12 an hour and I couldn’t find a good paying job. But now she makes decent money and I as well amaking decent money, but I miss Las Vegas with all my heart and soul. I’ve tried to make it work here but the humidity is killing my joints and my allergies are worse here than any place that I’ve ever lived. I also get treated like crap from my employer and my wife also gets treated horrible at her job. But she says she loves it here and when I ask her to please write down exactly what she loves here she gets defensive and says she won’t go back to Las Vegas. I feel like my life is spirrilng out of control and keep hearing the song all my ex’s live in Texas. I wish I could like it here but I won’t be happy until I go back, but I fear that won’t be with my wife. I love her and I love Las Vegas. What to do, what to do.

    1. One thing you are exactly right about when you leave from the East and go south it is a different world a different mindset of different mentality. However in my experience I moved from New York to Pennsylvania to Florida each one or different the one place I do not miss is Pennsylvania. When I left Florida I’m now in Virginia although I thought Florida people thought backwards very non Progressive way of living thinking working. I miss it. And what I’ve learned from leaving it that I miss about it as that no matter where I live I got to live within 20 minutes of the beach. I also learned that I love Florida because any time of day or night any time of year I don’t have to weight for a vacation I can just always go to the beach when I’m having a bad day I can go to the beach if I just want to sit outside and not be cooped up in the house I can go to the beach and just sit there and listen to the waves. What you said is you try new things and you haven’t liked any place but now you want to go back to where you came from. I would use this place and I don’t know how long. But I Everyday you might surprise yourself and find something you really like but if you keep saying how much you hate a place you’re never going to see nothing good about it. And the biggest point I would like to make you will never get over your last place of living working or the last person you’ve been with if you keep comparing. You cannot move to a new place and compare it to where you came from you will never adjust never never never. Think about all the places you lived think about what you learned about it about yourself what do you like what do you have to have. Because if you’re not learning about you and what you have to have and what you need to be content then you’ll be moving all over the country and you’ll never be happy

      1. I appreciate you’re insight and I’m happy you’ve found peace where you are. I have family that I haven’t seen since we moved coming in and we are going to San Antonio to see the sights. I hope after seeing them and seeing some of the cool things in San Antonio that I will find some happiness here. By the way I’m a huge Dolphins fan.

  70. Everyone in Florida is from the north and 1,000 are coming to this state every day. It is over crowded, too much traffic and too hot….the hurricanes are horrible and when everyone gets here to experience them they will not know what to do!! Stay north please…..I.am TRYING TO GET OUT!!! Also leprosy is on the rise in Brevard county…the armadillos poop in your yard and gardeners are breathing it in. Stay away!!!!!

    1. Not everyone is from up north, I am a 9th generation Floridian, I hate that my state has been turned into a snowbird shit hole. Most of my friends are also natives. We would love to put a no vacancy sign at the state line.

  71. This is something I’ve encountered as well, and it’s applicable to many areas of life. Thanks for sharing.

    There are a couple other factors that were not mentioned that and attitude adjustment might not remedy, bad neighbours and development. I felt grateful growing up in Greektown. It was close to downtown (Toronto) and had a vibrant nightlife with charming homes. Then it became a trendy area and they developed the crap out of it. It lost it’s identity and while the infrastructure crumbled. Time to move

    We used to have a cottage around Georgian Bay so we decided to move up there full time. And for 17 years it was a great move for our lifestyle. Plenty to do outdoors and very friendly people. But my dissatisfaction has reoccurred which is how I’ve stumbled onto here. All around me, the treed lots are being cleared and the cottages torn down, build build build all around. The people who lived here are moving out and the new people have the charm of a wet fart (and don’t get me started on the rude and noisy mass infestation on long weekends). My new neighbours elevated their land 8 feet and then tried to dump their downspout water onto my property, charming. After already talking to them about it they tried to sneakily do it again so the township came and gave them an earful, they blamed the builder. Now they are at it again and I want to put their heads through a wall. Moving is probably the wiser choice.

    I wish I had the get up and go that you and Lee seem to have though instead of only reacting to things once they have already fallen apart. Nothing lasts forever, something I still can’t seem to accept.

  72. I left Florida and move to Virginia to help take care of family. Since leaving I realize there are certain things that I really miss about Florida and two of them arethe beach and the year-round weather. I miss being easy going with dressing. I realized i don’t miss fall as much add i thought. I also muy going to the beach any day and not having to wait for summer. I have made friends here quicker and people are friendlier. I live closer to family but i also realize I’m still theone driving to them. No one calls me. I want to go back but the money and jobs are not there. Also the beauty of the sky is covered by trees here. I feel confused and wonder will i ever find that place.

  73. Great article. I totally feel the same and I have an immediate family member who hates every place we ever lived (and every job she ever had) and is now pressuring me to move to the next place she thinks willsolve all her problems. But I know it will not work and would be a big financial risk for the family. As soon as the novelty wears off, she will begin raging about how she hates the new location. I wish there was a way for such a toxic person to change.

  74. I also wwishi could have somethings from Florida in Virginia. The oceanbeach and the sunset and sunrise. The people are friendlier and welcoming. Sometimes i wonder if thin gs didn’t work out due to timing. Had i had everything i wanted there it would have been harder to leave to take care of my grandmother.

  75. I have never liked my hometown. It’s one of the coldest cities in America, and I have a severe intolerance to the cold. I was lucky enough to get out a few years ago but unfortunately I had to move back, and it’s been absolutely miserable. I can’t “act like a tourist” here because this is not a tourist destination and it’s winter six months of the year, my least favorite season because I can’t stand being cold. There are no Art Deco skyscrapers to make up for the crappy weather. No baseball team. There are none of the stores I like to shop at. I can’t dress the way I like to because of how cold it is. Everything that interests me is elsewhere. All the things I don’t like are here. Oh, why don’t I move? Because I don’t make enough money to get out. So there’s my negative perspective. You can call me negative all you want, but I can assure you, I wasn’t negative when I lived in a big beautiful city that had things I love in it. I KNOW where I want to be. I just can’t afford to leave. The ONLY reasons I have for not being in utter despair are my boyfriend (who doesn’t even live here and is willing to relocate with me to somewhere warm), a certain local salsa that isn’t available in other cities, and an old gas-station sign from the ’60s that brings me a modicum of joy whenever I see it. My mom and brother are the only family I have here anymore, and they don’t like this place any better than I do. So what do I do? Remember, I can’t afford to move, and my negative perspective didn’t move with me to KC. It got left behind in GF. It was still here waiting for me when I grudgingly returned.

  76. I have actually moved from a northern city to a rural town near Accrington, to embrace the change in setting and be near family but I am struggling to settle here after a year and a half. I can see all the positives and I am doing all the things i should, volunteering, joining clubs, inviting my kids school friends and parents over etc, etc.. However as much as I can see its a great place to live I am struggling with the small town mentality and admire that you can look past this.

    Some people here have no interest in cultures or interests outside their small world. My child is picked on because she is into “different” stuff to the other kids. She is picked on because she has healthy lunch boxes…(I am not talking sprouted mung beans and humus, more like egg salad and no chocolate bars!). It doesn’t help that the only school place available was at a Catholic school, which has a strong community and most of the parents went to the same school, I am not religious! I am worried that these influences will rub off on my children and they will be closed minded and unadventurous. The whole point of moving here was to raise them in a better area, i just didn’t expect everyone to be like this.

    I have done the whole treating it like a holiday…and it rains…a lot, as you probably know. So i am running out of money to treat every weekend like that! Ha ha I am impressed that you have from Canada and still love it around here!!

  77. As someone who has moved every 15-36 months for the last 20 years, I think I have a pretty positive and open mind. I have not liked everywhere I have lived, but I knew it was temporary and could always travel to get away. I explore like a tourist as soon as we move somewhere new. Now we are stuck on a small remote island in the Pacific. I am not a fan of this place at all. The tactics I have used in the past to deal with depression and unhappiness are no longer available. This is a fish bowl where everyone knows everyone else’s business. There are no more “road trips” or hopping on the plane for a weekend away. (Due to time, distance, and financial constraints.) We are military and have a 3 year tour. I feel trapped. I’m desperately looking for ways to stay positive but I’m sinking further into depression everyday.

    1. Mel, I visited the Marquesas and the Tuamotos and imagined what is would be like to live there–especially since I had hoped to sail to them someday. Instead, I visited on a tramp steam and these islands are among the remotest int he world. I live now in a rural setting with 2.5 people per square mile, and an aged population–though I am a “young-hearted” 62-year-old man. You have something great going for you: an end date to your living there. You will be able to leave at a fixed time. That’s what to focus on–and delight in where you might be able to go or be posted to next. The action of learning about your next place or planning where it might be if you are able to (the military has its own mind, I know), then that is a place to find hope. Also, I know from my own depression, that exercise really helps. Just taking a walk outside for 15-20 minutes when you are down, can result in an immediate uplift. Even if its a rainy tropical afternoon cloud burst, walking in it can be very helpful. Godspeed on your time in “paradise.” Hal S.

  78. This was a GREAT article, and I enjoyed reading people’s comments as well. I lived in one of the most beautiful places in the world, Sedona, AZ, and I still managed to be miserable. There were pros and cons, just like anywhere else. But the negative things seemed magnified and I barely noticed the positives. I realized that most of my problems are because of my own attitude, not the externals. I still don’t recommend moving to a tourist destination, however! As the saying goes, “great place to visit, wouldn’t want to live there.”

  79. I have lived in Pennsylvania Florida now North Carolina right before here Williamsburg Virginia. I know I started my initial comment and previous replies living in Florida and hating it. After living in the last two states of North Carolina and Virginia I realized what’s important to me and what I need. But I also realize 90% of it is me. As they say hope deferred makes the heart sick. So although I have a certain things where I live maybe part of the things that make me happy but even with those things I have to take deeper and learn how to be at peace. The things that I found are more most important to me is90% being warm Flatlands to see the sunset in the sunrise and the beach. Most of my family is on the East Coast so California is not an option on top of the expense. Low paying wage in Florida is not great but with those things that I listed they are important and I can live with everything else. What I thought was important was people family and after moving around I realize everyone has their own life and a lot of times because they’re not used to you being there they don’t know how to involve you unless they need something. And besides that I don’t like being cold not even the least bit. I don’t like waiting until summer time to go to the beach and waiting for the weekend or having to travel an hour or two. I prefer to live with in 5 minutes be able to go everyday any day if I’m having a hard day not having to schedule it so back to Florida I go. I also learned that some states are more Progressive than others and Florida is not one of them and what I’ve learned about non-progressive States is there taking a stand on what they want and who they are catering to and they’re not just being blown by the wind with every Trends. You have the respect that because constant change of trying to keep up gets to be annoying in the thing you love end up leaving because there’s no longer a trends. Having a reliable place where they like it or not I find it to be somewhat comforting as opposed to an ever-changing ever-growing is kind of like a person who’s lost trying to find a way back home. And some places already know where their home is and they like it the way it is

  80. I like that you offer “permission” for someone to move. This is good, along with the advice to try and love the place first. I am in that spot right now, after living fulltime in my vacation hideaway for 3 years–working as a parttime consultant. But with just 2.5 people per square mile, social interaction is limited, the social institutions mostly populated by women over 70. I am 62 and a male, and while my summer home was great for escaping the city and my work, it’s not where I can thrive. So, I’m looking at the real estate ads and know that I am likely to be a stranger wherever I might end up…and that is hard to imagine, too. I have made some efforts to interact, but the county is hugely conservative and made up of Trumpsters–which just about defines the place. Any thoughts?

  81. i moved from Austin, Texas to Brooklyn, NY to be with my daughter and her 4 year old. it’s been one month and i feel lost and displaced. i had a quiet, super tidy and brand new spacious apartment and i drove everywhere. i had long time clients that i had to hand over to another company. i hate cold weather and i hate dirt, disorder gives me anxiety. i am a practicing christian who is not very into showbiz and fashion. we agreed to do this for a year until she gets in the position to transfer to Atlanta. i am going to join a church that i like very much and should start my job in three days… but i am sad most of the time given the constant set of instructions i get to learn how to live here and how much i miss my friends and my town. every morning my first thought is… how can i go back home today? but i realize people are in much worse situations. i guess my discomfort comes from the monumental lifestyle change and feeling like the oddity. i hope that life gets a bit more tolerable before the bitter cold gets in. reading the different situations and approaches did help a lot… thank you for sharing!

    1. My hometown is an international Haven for people food and style as well as transportation. There is no place like it. I have lived in a few places and I miss the diversity. With that being said I couldn’t live there now. I couldn’t live in any City now. But I do miss some things about it.

  82. I moved to a small picturesque mid west town because it was quiet and the people were nice, and the biggest point of all, I could afford to buy a small house with a settlement I got. I’ve been here for 9 yrs. One acquaintance told me she’s been here 20 yrs and is still an outsider. But at least she moved here with a family, so she has them.. Used to, I could walk to the post office or even the small down town, at night, but now theft is so rampant because town is overtaken by drugs, they’ll come right up to your front porch and steal anything they can carry. Or a car out of your driveway. Like mine. The police never seem to catch anyone. But small towns have the cops they can afford to support. Now I’m stuck. People need to make sure they are able to move back out of where they settle if things degenerate. I can’t.

  83. Although I understand with the way you see things but I feel like the way you portray it as if , even if one does not feel happy in their country , they have to make do with the country and yes probably go for a temp work abroad for abit / backpacking then come back and ???. I have a couple of things to address . Sometimes its not about shifting perspective or exploring your country , but the country is just not fit the right fit for you no matter what you do . I say this from personal experience . I NEVER felt belonged in the country I was born in , not even for once in my life . I dont align with the people , the values , the dogmas , the traditions and the way of living / lifestyle . The more older I get the more I do not understand the culture and beliefs , heck , staying here makes me feel stuck and miserable . So one day I took a trip of a lifetime to a country in Europe because I fell in love with someone there and stayed for awhile and slowly I started feeling like I finally belonged , the people , the values , the way of living , the freedom , the culture = me . Yes , they are some things I dont like but we are humans after all , nothing comes to our liking 100 % . Even the national anthem spoke to me really well and so I made the decision to move permanently after I complete my studies – in between I visit the country yearly . So the idea of rediscovering the place you stay as if its the first time and trying to make do with it does not work when you can’t align with the place . We dont owe anything to the country that we were born in to stick out with it and sacrifice our lives trying to see what can it offer when you already sick of it .

      1. You said it and explained it very well. If it is a person who knows who they really are and what they like, as well as what they want to do, then it won’t be them but it will indeed be the place. Don’t be in denial or keep trying, because it would end up being the scenario of trying to keep doing something or a formula that just doesn’t work. Me, born and raised in Toronto, Canada, besides the place being overrun by developers, overpriced rent and real estate, corruption, suburban mentality, no innovation and will, mass immigration, uptight sheeple, identity crisis (sorry, multiculturalism and diversity crappola is NEVER a culture and never will be) and just suffering from snowflakism and political correctness disease, I never ever was aligned with the place or its people. Then and even more now with its many crises that many of them don’t see in front of them happening. Horrible place. So moving away and finding your future elsewhere will set you free.

  84. I have lived in 5 states. The forget I moved away from home the harder it is to accept the difference and accept any place as home. They all have something I like and dislike. I don’t know if I will ever find a home. Going back to where I’m from is not an option at all. To expensive overcrowded and I’m not the same person I was when i lived there. I was younger and more ambitious. Now I’m older and more laid back and simple life without a lot of drama or excitmentt is fine with me . I love the warm weather 90 percent of the time and near a beach. Major problem is lack of good paying jobs.

  85. Yes, you’re right even if I hate to admit it. But sometimes a place doesn’t fit you, be it the people, the culture, the food, weather or anything else. And sometimes you don’t have a choice in the matter. You may have to go for your job, or perhaps you’re a teen/child who hasn’t a say in the matter.

    Sometimes you just can’t like a place no matter how you try. There’s also the fact you must find a new doctor. New school, etc.

    For some of us, that’s difficult. Some of us (Scorpios) don’t trust to many people. If I had to move I’d either keep my doctor and/or stop going to them (again). I don’t have a lot of friends anyway, nor is my family close knit, so my doctor, who happens to be a friend too, is one of two ppl I’d actually miss. I always said I wasn’t interested in finding new friends at college. In 5 years I made one friend but we no longer talk.

    I’d sooner sleep in a tent every night. At least the stars don’t change.
    But nonetheless, you’re right. Negativity holds you back. Sometimes it’s just who you are. Just try to muddle through and cling to old favourites. When the eating got adventurous, I went to Dollar tree and bought canned a spaghetti-o’s. It helped. Still does. I don’t eat most food though… Lol

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *